Opprescious: Rightbloggers Claim Condi Rice, Themselves Victims of Liberal Fascists

tomt200.jpgAs we're fond of pointing out, rightbloggers are prone to mood swings between triumphalism and persecution mania. Though we're sure they'll be on the upswing by the time the 2014 elections roll around -- they're gamers that way -- lately they seem to be on a down cycle.

In fact, to hear rightbloggers tell it, they're currently being ground under the jackboot of liberal fascism. Colleges don't want conservatives to give commencement addresses, which is fascism. Companies and government bodies make them follow rules, which is fascism. They may not even win literary awards they feel entitled to. Jesus Christ, what is this, Russia?

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Rightbloggers: Had Enough Benghazi? Too Bad!

tomt200.jpgHad enough Benghazi? Too bad! Last week rightbloggers whooped up "explosive" "bombshell" "revelations" that turned out to be more or less what everyone already knew, but were good enough for Republicans to call yet another Congressional committee with which they will finally get the American sheeple to face the truth: That President Obama and his henchmen murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit in their murders because they mentioned a video among the reasons they were killed, which was part of a cover-up to hide the fact that they murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit etc.

Let's look at this latest iteration of the brethren's second favorite Lost Cause.

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Cliven Bundy Betrays Rightbloggers, Forcing Them to Denounce (Some of) His Crazy Ideas

tomt200.jpgIn a turnabout that put us in mind of some great works of satire, an obvious lunatic who had won the admiration of rightbloggers by threatening his own government with guns finally scared them off by saying black people on welfare might be worse off than slaves -- that is, by repeating Republican gospel without raising it to dog-whistle pitch.

Funny as it is, it's kind of a shame that Bundy's stupid ideas about race have obscured his stupid ideas about the rule of law.

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Rightbloggers: Obamacare's Good News is Further Proof It's Doomed

tomt200.jpgObamacare had a pretty good week, with signups passing the eight million mark and the Congressional Budget Office giving the health care program a more optimistic cost estimate than previously. The President went so far as to declare that the debate as to whether his signature program, which had only recently been counted a complete disaster because problems with its website, should be repealed "is and should be over."

As you would imagine, rightbloggers disagreed. They do seem to have figured out, though, that just calling the program a train wreck and so forth would no longer do. So they exercised themselves a bit and found some new insults.

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In Bundy Ranch's War Against the U.S., Rightbloggers Pick Guess Which Side

tomt200.jpgThis weekend a scofflaw gathered some gunmen and drove off some federal agents who were trying to confiscate his property.

Rightbloggers approved for several reasons. For one, the scofflaw is a rancher, just like Ronald Reagan; for another, there is an environmental angle, which always makes them mad, and a Harry Reid angle, which makes them apoplectic; and perhaps most importantly, the scofflaw refuses to acknowledge the authority of the federal government, which puts him right in the emerging mainstream of conservative doctrine.

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Rightbloggers Defend Mozilla CEO Eich -- Not For Free Speech, But Against Gays

tomt200.jpgLast week, under pressure from employees and board members who did not approve of his 2008 donation to promote California's anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, Brendan Eich, the new CEO of software company Mozilla, left the post and the company.

We hate to see anyone lose his job but, as we reflect whenever a CEO, cabinet secretary, or other high-ranking rich person is forced from office, Eich is much less likely to suffer and much more likely to find new employment than most of us would be if we were canned.

As it turned out, he is also much more likely to be wept over by rightbloggers -- who are not normally too bothered when someone gets fired (it's creative destruction!), but who made an exception for Eich because he was, in their view, a martyr to the "gaystapo."

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Rightbloggers Go to Holy War for Hobby Lobby, Against Abortion Pills, Lady Judges

tomt200.jpgWell, the Hobby Lobby lawsuit somehow made it all the way to the Supreme Court. The glue and glitter chain's argument, and that of other religious employers, that providing health care which might tempt their employees into pregnancy-free sex was against their religion was put forward last week by lawyers from the Becket Fund, named after Thomas Becket, who like Hobby Lobby was persecuted for his religion by a tyrant.

As typically happens when birth control is mentioned in their presence (see Fluke, Sandra) rightbloggers portrayed the case as one in which sluts forced the innocent to buy them slut pills.They also promoted stranger ideas -- for instance, that liberals were trying not just to enforce their so-called "law" but also to destroy religion, using health care coverage to that purpose (because what other purpose could it possibly have?).

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As Crimea Smolders, Rightbloggers Try to Get Their Neo-con Game Going Again

tomt200.jpgFrom the med schools in Grenada to the deserts of Iraq, once upon a time conservatives were eager to invade foreign countries. But as you may have noticed, in recent years they've affected a more dovish approach to foreign policy; claiming to be repulsed by the reckless foreign adventurism of the Obama Administration, they have denounced his mideast incursions. Even the killing of Osama Bin Laden they treated as slightly de trop.

This changed in a hurry when Putin began operating in Crimea. Suddenly rightbloggers declared that Obama hadn't been aggressive enough.

Now that Crimea's officially part of Russia and the diplomatic wars are heating up, the brethren still don't have any solutions, except maybe voting in Republicans for their famous foreign-policy expertise.

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Between Two Ferns, Rightbloggers Find Few Laughs, Much Concern-Trolling for Presidency

tomt200.jpgWhile the world waited for word on a referendum in Crimea and the whereabouts of a missing jet airliner, there was plenty of time last week to pick apart a comedy sketch starring Zach Galifianakis and the President of the United States. The brief Funny or Die "Between Two Ferns" segment, which Obama used to pimp Healthcare.gov, got a good deal of traffic, some of which, we were told, led to some Obamacare signups.

Rightbloggers may have been upset that the sketch did some good for Obamacare, which they still believe should be overturned. But mainly they complained that in making the video Obama, to whom they regularly refer as a tyrant (or a sissy, depending on the available news hooks), had demeaned the office of the Presidency.

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Rightbloggers Find the Real Issue in Ukraine: Obama's a Sissy

tomt200.jpgWe've had about a week of Crisis in the Crimea, as crypto-Russian troops patrol the streets of Sevastopol, Kiev digs in, and Obama and the EU try a strategy of diplomatic "de-escalation." There's some disagreement among observers as to how this will play out.

Among rightbloggers, though, while there is some diversity of opinion as to how big a badass Vladimir Putin is, there is great consensus on the conclusion that Russia is in Ukraine because Obama is a sissy.

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