Fragging: Rightbloggers Appear to Attack Returning POW Bergdahl -- But He's Not the Real Target

tomt200.jpgGoodbye, yellow ribbon! Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl had been a Taliban prisoner for five years when Obama bailed him out in a swap for five Guantanamo prisoners. Immediately rightbloggers professed mortal offense that the swap had been made, on a number of ostensible grounds, but probably for only one real reason: The fact that the hated Kenyan Pretender had done it.

Are you wondering why rightbloggers thought it was a good idea to raise a shitstorm over a returning POW? The simplest answer might be the best: Because they could.

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Rightbloggers Talk Conservative "Reform," But Who's Listening?

tomt200.jpgAccording to Theodore Roosevelt biographer William Roscoe Thayer, the trenchant political observer Roscoe Conkling once said, "when Dr. Johnson told Boswell that 'patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel,' he had not sounded the possibilities of 'reform.'" It's observably true, alas, that many who turn over the proverbial new leaf do so merely because the old one no longer serves to dazzle and deceive their fellow man.

Still, obvious cons such as penitential preacher Jimmy Swaggart notwithstanding, we accept some conversions may be sincere, while holding our wallet close. So recent talk of a "reform" wave of conservatism caught our interest, and we duly looked in. Readers who believe in the upward progress of humankind, prepare to have your hopes crushed again.

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Rightbloggers: Santa Barbara Killer Elliot Rodger's Sexist Rants Have Nothing To Do With Sexism (Or Guns)

tomt200.jpgThis weekend 22-year-old Elliot Rodger killed six people and wounded 13 others near the University of California at Santa Barbara in Isla Vista. He left behind a video complaint -- with references to women who wouldn't have sex with him as "blonde slut[s]" and to himself as the "supreme gentleman" and "true alpha male" -- and other ravings that sound like a standard-issue friend-zoned nice-guy routine taken to its logical psychopathic conclusion.

Any reasonable observer would look at this and conclude Rodger had problems with women, at least women who unfairly chose to live their lives as autonomous humans without regard for his needs. Rightbloggers saw it differently. To them, it might have meant any number of things, but what it certainly didn't mean was that sexism exists.

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Confronted with Climate Change, Rightbloggers Advocate Resistance (To Doing Anything About It)

tomt200.jpgIt is commonly believed that conservatives' appeal to voters is based on fear -- fear of blacks; fear of homosexuals; fear of cities (which is pretty much fear of blacks and homosexuals); fear of the poor (or rather, fear you will be forced to give money to the poor, many of whom are black people, whom you fear, which makes you feel less than manly, which feeling you probably associate with homosexuals), etc. etc.

But that isn't entirely true. In one area at least conservatives are against fear: That is, when it comes to climate change, of which we were recently reminded by a big government report, they want you to know that there's nothing to be afraid of -- Jesus will fix the melting ice shelves and dying honey bees; don't worry, be happy. And when pressed, they fall back on what's probably their best argument: Yeah, we screwed the planet -- so you might as well forget all about it, and focus on the free market.

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Opprescious: Rightbloggers Claim Condi Rice, Themselves Victims of Liberal Fascists

tomt200.jpgAs we're fond of pointing out, rightbloggers are prone to mood swings between triumphalism and persecution mania. Though we're sure they'll be on the upswing by the time the 2014 elections roll around -- they're gamers that way -- lately they seem to be on a down cycle.

In fact, to hear rightbloggers tell it, they're currently being ground under the jackboot of liberal fascism. Colleges don't want conservatives to give commencement addresses, which is fascism. Companies and government bodies make them follow rules, which is fascism. They may not even win literary awards they feel entitled to. Jesus Christ, what is this, Russia?

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Rightbloggers: Had Enough Benghazi? Too Bad!

tomt200.jpgHad enough Benghazi? Too bad! Last week rightbloggers whooped up "explosive" "bombshell" "revelations" that turned out to be more or less what everyone already knew, but were good enough for Republicans to call yet another Congressional committee with which they will finally get the American sheeple to face the truth: That President Obama and his henchmen murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit in their murders because they mentioned a video among the reasons they were killed, which was part of a cover-up to hide the fact that they murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit etc.

Let's look at this latest iteration of the brethren's second favorite Lost Cause.

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Cliven Bundy Betrays Rightbloggers, Forcing Them to Denounce (Some of) His Crazy Ideas

tomt200.jpgIn a turnabout that put us in mind of some great works of satire, an obvious lunatic who had won the admiration of rightbloggers by threatening his own government with guns finally scared them off by saying black people on welfare might be worse off than slaves -- that is, by repeating Republican gospel without raising it to dog-whistle pitch.

Funny as it is, it's kind of a shame that Bundy's stupid ideas about race have obscured his stupid ideas about the rule of law.

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Rightbloggers: Obamacare's Good News is Further Proof It's Doomed

tomt200.jpgObamacare had a pretty good week, with signups passing the eight million mark and the Congressional Budget Office giving the health care program a more optimistic cost estimate than previously. The President went so far as to declare that the debate as to whether his signature program, which had only recently been counted a complete disaster because problems with its website, should be repealed "is and should be over."

As you would imagine, rightbloggers disagreed. They do seem to have figured out, though, that just calling the program a train wreck and so forth would no longer do. So they exercised themselves a bit and found some new insults.

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In Bundy Ranch's War Against the U.S., Rightbloggers Pick Guess Which Side

tomt200.jpgThis weekend a scofflaw gathered some gunmen and drove off some federal agents who were trying to confiscate his property.

Rightbloggers approved for several reasons. For one, the scofflaw is a rancher, just like Ronald Reagan; for another, there is an environmental angle, which always makes them mad, and a Harry Reid angle, which makes them apoplectic; and perhaps most importantly, the scofflaw refuses to acknowledge the authority of the federal government, which puts him right in the emerging mainstream of conservative doctrine.

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Rightbloggers Defend Mozilla CEO Eich -- Not For Free Speech, But Against Gays

tomt200.jpgLast week, under pressure from employees and board members who did not approve of his 2008 donation to promote California's anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, Brendan Eich, the new CEO of software company Mozilla, left the post and the company.

We hate to see anyone lose his job but, as we reflect whenever a CEO, cabinet secretary, or other high-ranking rich person is forced from office, Eich is much less likely to suffer and much more likely to find new employment than most of us would be if we were canned.

As it turned out, he is also much more likely to be wept over by rightbloggers -- who are not normally too bothered when someone gets fired (it's creative destruction!), but who made an exception for Eich because he was, in their view, a martyr to the "gaystapo."

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