Rightbloggers Celebrate Hobby Lobby as Defeat for Liberals, Victory for Something-or-Other

[Roy Edroso dissects the right-wing blogosphere in this weekly feature]

Last week's Hobby Lobby decision at the Supreme Court was contentious, as you probably noticed. For liberals, it was an egregious misreading of the competing interests at stake, and suggested for-profit companies can use possibly specious religious arguments to deny women their rights under Obamacare.

For rightbloggers it was mainly a fun victory. Oh, they were, as you might imagine, glad that ladies lost to religion and corporations -- in their world, that's a twofer! -- but most of them didn't press that point; it was as if, given the imminence of election season, they didn't want to sack-dance on female voters too much. So they instead devoted their writings to the distress of liberals, and how it proved they were stupid, a compelling message they can bring to voters of either gender.

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Mississippi God-dumb! Rightbloggers Rage as Blacks Help Cochran Beat the Tea Party

tomt200.jpgLast week's Mississippi GOP Senatorial primary was a doozy: the incumbent, challenged by a Tea Party nut for not being right-wing enough, invited black Democrats to protect themselves from said nut by crossing party lines and voting against him the Republican incumbent, which they did, securing the incumbent's victory.

As we have learned from previous Tea Party candidacies, rightbloggers believe all Republican office-holders must be replaced by frothing maniacs, and nothing infuriates them more than when one of their champions falls to the Establishment. But in this case they were even more enraged than usual -- partly because of the involvement of Democrats and black people.

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Rightbloggers' Impeachment Smorgasbord Has Something for Everyone

tomt200.jpgLast week the South Dakota Republican Party called for the impeachment of Barack Obama. Our readers may view this as just another piece of exotic nonsense from a What's-The-Matter-With state.

But in the world of rightbloggers, this is serious stuff. While impeachment advocacy was once mainly the province of fringe characters (and Republican officeholders), some big names have climbed aboard the bandwagon, and others are cautiously but busily clearing a way for it. Now they just have to decide what to impeach him for. Which is hard because, as the poet says, they got more flavors than Fruitopia.

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Third Time's the Charm! Rightbloggers Ready to Return to Iraq -- Or At Least Complain That Obama Isn't

tomt200.jpgFor years, rightbloggers have been sore over the Iraq War. The U.S. public increasingly considers our involvement a mistake, and last year's 10th Anniversary celebration of the U.S. invasion was a less than happy one for the folks who thought it was the start of a beautiful, never-ending New Age of American (and Republican) empire.

But the latest bad news from Iraq -- victories by the militant ISIS group as demoralized Iraqi Government soldiers desert and flee -- seems to have cheered them up. Not that they want the people of Iraq to suffer -- well, actually, they don't give a shit what happens to them. It's the Obama Administration they hope will suffer at least collateral damage, and to that end they tell America that Iraq was doing great until you-know-who messed it up.

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Fragging: Rightbloggers Appear to Attack Returning POW Bergdahl -- But He's Not the Real Target

tomt200.jpgGoodbye, yellow ribbon! Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl had been a Taliban prisoner for five years when Obama bailed him out in a swap for five Guantanamo prisoners. Immediately rightbloggers professed mortal offense that the swap had been made, on a number of ostensible grounds, but probably for only one real reason: The fact that the hated Kenyan Pretender had done it.

Are you wondering why rightbloggers thought it was a good idea to raise a shitstorm over a returning POW? The simplest answer might be the best: Because they could.

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Rightbloggers Talk Conservative "Reform," But Who's Listening?

tomt200.jpgAccording to Theodore Roosevelt biographer William Roscoe Thayer, the trenchant political observer Roscoe Conkling once said, "when Dr. Johnson told Boswell that 'patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel,' he had not sounded the possibilities of 'reform.'" It's observably true, alas, that many who turn over the proverbial new leaf do so merely because the old one no longer serves to dazzle and deceive their fellow man.

Still, obvious cons such as penitential preacher Jimmy Swaggart notwithstanding, we accept some conversions may be sincere, while holding our wallet close. So recent talk of a "reform" wave of conservatism caught our interest, and we duly looked in. Readers who believe in the upward progress of humankind, prepare to have your hopes crushed again.

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Rightbloggers: Santa Barbara Killer Elliot Rodger's Sexist Rants Have Nothing To Do With Sexism (Or Guns)

tomt200.jpgThis weekend 22-year-old Elliot Rodger killed six people and wounded 13 others near the University of California at Santa Barbara in Isla Vista. He left behind a video complaint -- with references to women who wouldn't have sex with him as "blonde slut[s]" and to himself as the "supreme gentleman" and "true alpha male" -- and other ravings that sound like a standard-issue friend-zoned nice-guy routine taken to its logical psychopathic conclusion.

Any reasonable observer would look at this and conclude Rodger had problems with women, at least women who unfairly chose to live their lives as autonomous humans without regard for his needs. Rightbloggers saw it differently. To them, it might have meant any number of things, but what it certainly didn't mean was that sexism exists.

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Confronted with Climate Change, Rightbloggers Advocate Resistance (To Doing Anything About It)

tomt200.jpgIt is commonly believed that conservatives' appeal to voters is based on fear -- fear of blacks; fear of homosexuals; fear of cities (which is pretty much fear of blacks and homosexuals); fear of the poor (or rather, fear you will be forced to give money to the poor, many of whom are black people, whom you fear, which makes you feel less than manly, which feeling you probably associate with homosexuals), etc. etc.

But that isn't entirely true. In one area at least conservatives are against fear: That is, when it comes to climate change, of which we were recently reminded by a big government report, they want you to know that there's nothing to be afraid of -- Jesus will fix the melting ice shelves and dying honey bees; don't worry, be happy. And when pressed, they fall back on what's probably their best argument: Yeah, we screwed the planet -- so you might as well forget all about it, and focus on the free market.

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Opprescious: Rightbloggers Claim Condi Rice, Themselves Victims of Liberal Fascists

tomt200.jpgAs we're fond of pointing out, rightbloggers are prone to mood swings between triumphalism and persecution mania. Though we're sure they'll be on the upswing by the time the 2014 elections roll around -- they're gamers that way -- lately they seem to be on a down cycle.

In fact, to hear rightbloggers tell it, they're currently being ground under the jackboot of liberal fascism. Colleges don't want conservatives to give commencement addresses, which is fascism. Companies and government bodies make them follow rules, which is fascism. They may not even win literary awards they feel entitled to. Jesus Christ, what is this, Russia?

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Rightbloggers: Had Enough Benghazi? Too Bad!

tomt200.jpgHad enough Benghazi? Too bad! Last week rightbloggers whooped up "explosive" "bombshell" "revelations" that turned out to be more or less what everyone already knew, but were good enough for Republicans to call yet another Congressional committee with which they will finally get the American sheeple to face the truth: That President Obama and his henchmen murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit in their murders because they mentioned a video among the reasons they were killed, which was part of a cover-up to hide the fact that they murdered those people at Benghazi, or if they didn't murder them are nonetheless complicit etc.

Let's look at this latest iteration of the brethren's second favorite Lost Cause.

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