The Last Year Of My Life, Brought To You By Facebook

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On average, an ordinary, freedom-loving American spends about eight hours a month on Facebook. That's sixteen minutes a day, seven day a week, ninety six hours a year. Simple math aside, Mark Zuckerberg has you under his watch for eight full days. And, if you have Facebook on your smartphone, well then...

Some might use that tidbit of information as viral proof that, yes, the Mayan calendar is definitely accurate. Others might attribute this social media addiction to an absence of interpersonal communication in the self-obsessed  digital age. And other others might just be on Facebook right now, too busy to care about those dumb statistics. But what do we Facebook-digest in those eight full days of the year? 

Of course, we have cat photos, baby photos, last night photos, lyrics as Facebook statuses, funny articles to share, memes, gifs, jpegs, m4as, mp3s, blaring political statements, endless events, birthdays, declarations, proclamations, graduations and consolations on the stream of informational consciousness that is the "News Feed." None of these items bare any repeating.

But, this year, the day-draining site's engineers have taken it a step further to remind you how much time you're living/wasting with their product. The bubble has been reinforced when Facebook rolled out the new "Best in 2012" feature yesterday. When I logged on in the morning, personal listicles of what the social network deemed 'The Biggest Shit These People Have Done' on and off of the computer screen popped up on the screen like acne. 

I took a look at what my 2012 existence was worth in cold hard megabytes, according to Facebook's logic. And, you know, I learned a lot about what I've been up to. But I still (nor never will) have no idea if I feel happy about myself.
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Facebook Allows Brands to Use Your 'It's Complicated' Status Against You

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It seems like almost every day, we read a story that makes the social network come off as that much creepier and then proceed to open a new tab on our browser, pull up Facebook and scan our notifications. And this one, in regards to marketing, it is a real doozie.

Yesterday, the social media giant announced to investors and brands alike that companies would now be able to target their advertisements based on a new batch of your details. With the new update, brands will be able to sell you shit no one every buys in accordance to:

- Your Education;
- Your Gender;
- Your 'Relationship Status;'
- Your Workplace; &
- Your 'Interested In'

This revamped targeting scheme comes off the heels of the previous setup, where companies were only allowed to touch your language and location details. Hence why, if you live in New York, you see a bunch of SoHo start-up ads, Brooklyn events and shady car service deals on the right side of your Facebook. 

And, with the added dose of marketing creepiness, things are about to get much, much more personal.
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Joseph Kony 2012: Be Honest, Had You Even Heard Of This Guy Before This Week?

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Chunkmeoff
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If you're like us, you've probably absolutely had it with Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony -- we're not talking about his army of child sex slaves (which, of course, is horrible), we're talking about the seemingly endless Kony-related posts on Facebook and other social media forums.

The NGO Invisible Children has successfully made Kony the most famous person on Facebook (this week, anyway) in an attempt to spread the word about the atrocities for which he's responsible (the roughly 66,000 children he's abducted and forced to fight in his "Lord's Resistance Army," the displacement of more than two million people as he's wreaked havoc across Uganda, etc.).

The problem, however, is that this is nothing new -- Kony's been at it for nearly three decades and already has been indicted for war crimes by the International Criminal Court.

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