Mayor Bloomberg Metaphorically Hugs Metaphorical 'Vampire Squid'

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As a not-so-hot week for Goldman Sachs' came to a close, Mayor Bloomberg embraced the investment bank. The New York Times reports that Bloomberg visited Goldman's headquarters Thursday for some handshakes and burgers, and explained his support of the firm on his radio show Friday. "It's my job to stand up and support companies that are here in this city that bring us a tax base and that employ our people," he said on the show according to the Times.

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Goldman Sachs Thinks You Should Invest In Jeggings Futures. Yes, Jeggings.

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OH HAY GIRL NICE "JEGGINGS"
Jeggings: Jeans + Leggings. Having never been in a pair, this blogger can not speak with authority on the sturdiness of "jeggings," but our reports from the field tell us these so-called "jeggings" are "A Thing." Our reports have been verified by the fact that the Super Moneybrains of Goldman Sachs have crunched the numbers on "jeggings" and tell us that they're going to be a real moneymaker this season. Business Insider gets the highlight from a summary (via Benzinga) of Goldman's latest Invest Into This Thing For Money report:

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Goldman Sachs Finding New and Improved Ways to Piss Off New Yorkers: Ferry Boats, Spendthrifts

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If anyone was wondering whether or not Goldman Sachs would be kinder to the American public after the banking monolith was fined a $500M slap on the wrist and finance reform was put into place, well, wonder no more. Because we have the answer, and it's apparently Hell no.

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Second Quarter Drop in Goldman Earnings Makes Billionaires Into Mere Millionaires

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Ouch. It's a hard day for Goldman Sachs, once king of the world, now merely the king of the world's wealthy but underperforming derelict nephew. Second quarter earnings at the bank were 83 percent less than they were in the first, which in monetary terms means they got shanked. The markets, the SEC, and the haters can now bask briefly aglow in the news that Goldman's net income went from $3.43 billion in the quarter a year ago to $613 million this quarter, with [correction!] earnings per share at just $0.78. But, since Goldman is still making at least millions while the rest of us bring in five figures on a good year, this dip is hardly a death knell. Which means we don't even have to feel bad about mocking them. [via New York Times]

Perps Walk! No One Cares! Barack Obama Gently Pulls Probe Out of AIG's Joseph Cassano

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Our question last October, posed by James Lieber: "When Do We Go After the Crooks Behind Our Financial Collapse?" Now we know the answer: Never.

Why aren't you more pissed off? Why is this story being underplayed?

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Goldman Sachs Tries to Uncover the New York Times' 'Shoddy' Reporting, Fails Miserably

Goldman Sachs - On the Issues - Response to The New York Times article,
Today, the New York Times ran a piece by Business writers Gretchen Morgenson and Louise Story entitled "Clients Worried About Goldman's Dueling Goals," which was spurned by the SEC's recent investigation into the investment banking "vampire squid" in which Goldman Sachs screwed smaller clients for the sake of a very big client! Goldman's people read the article, and - like anybody who has ever had anything written about them they didn't like - feel like they were "misrepresented."


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Goldman Sachs Settles 2008 SEC Issue with $450,000 Payout

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Goldman Sachs is shelling out $450,000 to settle with NYSE Euronext and the SEC over allegations that the bank "broke rules governing short sales on U.S. stocks because of a bookkeeping error" -- which led to improperly accepting some 385 short-sale orders from customers and failing to close out positions after short sales had failed to settle, among other things that will bore you to tears if you're not a banker, and probably even if you are. (Briefly: They f'ed up. Spreadsheets were involved.)

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This Is How Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein Feels Today

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"Humbled."

No, really, he said that.

Like you need any context.

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Goldman Sachs to Fight Off SEC Charges with MARTIAL ARTS.

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Among all the hullabaloo and noise being made over Goldman Sachs' SEC charges that were announced this morning, little notice was taken of the most revealing expose on the massive banking organization to date (this week): the secrets housed inside their new BatCave of Money.

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