​Cornell University researchers are about to begin studying the stem cells of a dozen elderly Jewish New Yorkers to figure out how they manage to live so long. There's evidence of a "longevity gene" which protects against heart disease and cancer; a lot of these seniors are living to 100 despite bad habits like drinking and smoking. Are smoking, drinking, eating fatty foods, and being of Ashkenazi Jewish descent the secrets to long life? (I've got four out of four, what about you?)More >>

All you need is Saran Wrap.

​There are many ways to orchestrate and execute a great Halloween prank. You can go big and obvious, or small and subtle. Sometimes the "trick" (foil to the treat) may lie latent for years, only to be discovered when its recipient least expects it (see: planted vomit). Sometimes the trick is a clear case of revenge (see also: planted vomit). And sometimes it's simple, random creativity (see: creatively planted vomit).

Whether you go with the tried-and-true or the never-before-attempted, here are some tips for orchestrating a successful trick:

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​Dear Prospective Village Voice Freelancers,

Each and every day, you send me pitches for stories that you hope I'll bite on. Some are quite good. A few are excellent. Most, however, don't interest me in the least. I try my best to answer as many pitches as I can. If, for whatever reason, I'm not interested, I try to find the time to send a very brief message thanking you for your submission and politely turning you down. I simply don't have time to explain the reasons why I can't take your story. Sometimes, I'm too busy to say anything at all.

If I do turn you down, please don't take it personally. There are many different reasons why I can't take your story, and even some stories with a lot of merit won't get chosen.

But for the sake of your career -- this really is a small town, after all -- it's best not to reply to my rejection with the kind of message I received from a freelancer earlier this week.

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​While we wait for our expert analyst to weight in on today's Jersey Shore-opened New York Stock Exchange (thus presenting us with the riveting conclusion to today's economic mystery: The Guido Effect on The American Economy), it might be worth revisiting some of the most incredible tidbits from this weekend's brilliant, scathing New York Times profile of America's pre-eminent L'enfant (Guido) Terrible Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, by Cathy Horyn, which is essentially a philosophical How-To manual on the entire Jersey Shore phenomenon. But mostly, Snooki.

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