In a video that will be oddly reminiscent of all of our lives (except we don't drive, and we rarely threaten to sue -- only if we're really, really angry), here is a little girl living the life of a modern woman: Wake up, dress, go to work, work (mediocre typing included), go home, eat dinner (and wine), and do it all over again. Yep, sounds about right. Except she does it cuter than we do.

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You know that horrible, dank underground passage that connects Times Square and Port Authority, the one which is just too long for you to hold your breath the whole way through, but you're kind of scared to inhale, at the same time? If you've ever been there, you've surely seen the words installed on the overhead beams as you pass by. They read, as you can see in the video above, "Overslept / So tired / If late / Get fired / Why bother? / Why the pain? / Just go home / Do it again." This is an actual poem called "The Commuter's Lament/A Close Shave," by Norman Colp, and it has been there for 20 years, announcing its perfectly New York message to the world, until recently two college students tried to make it happy. What nerve.

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​This is not your grandmother's "How to Survive Thanksgiving" guide. It's not even your spinster aunt's. This is far more about you and the troubles a modern-day busy and productive person with a job and responsibilities and a life, for the love of God -- even if that life is just DVRing TV shows you can't even remember anymore and then being too busy to watch them -- will face when the whole family gathers to celebrate one of the most festive-yet-deeply-fraught events of the season.

Let's start with the good: Chances are, you have some days off this week. Maybe you're taking an extra day, perhaps to travel so that you don't have to contend with all the insane people traveling on Wednesday. Perhaps you are not so lucky. You still, we hope and pray, have Thursday through Sunday off. That's four whole days! And, if not, and you have to work, you don't really need this guide anyway because you have been excused from dealing with your family.

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​The above screengrab (via Reddit) from Mountain Dew's Facebook page shows a man's apparent cry for help. Naturally, this has spread around the internet, and people have found it anywhere from hilarious to disturbing and offensive. Runnin' Scared got in contact with Michael Abraham, the man who made the above post, and he says it was all a joke. Why would he do that to DEW Nation?

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​Today the Huffington Post has an intriguing entry (with slideshow!) from Daniel Post Senning, who happens to be Emily Post's great-grandson. He explains that etiquette is not just for women, oh no -- it is for men, too, and men, in fact, "are hungry to know what to do, what is expected of them and how to distinguish themselves."

We are glad of this news, for lack of etiquette, whether from man, woman, or animal, is something that bothers us immensely. But...pardon us for being rude...Emily Post's great-grandson does not seem to frequent our social circles, and thus, his essential etiquette tips -- get good at writing thank you notes? Ask permission to hold open a door for someone? RSVP? -- are a bit, well, let's just say "high-minded" for our ilk. In terms of etiquette, we suggest starting small and working your way up! Here are our 10 real-life etiquette tips. While we're ostensibly doling them out to hungry men, really, they go for women, too. Etiquette knows no gender.

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via Animal Planet

​Marvin is terrified of pit bulls because of a traumatic experience he had as a child. Forty years ago, this fear would have been undiagnosed and Marvin's phobia would be his secret shame. Because it is 2011, the world gets to watch Marvin break down in tears when confronted by a puppy on Animal Planet's My Extreme Animal Phobia. Isn't progress great? Video after the jump.

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​Unless you are a fan of the Twilight saga (and if you're not, what is WRONG with you?), you may not be aware that Breaking Dawn, the finale of the series, in which Bella and Edward actually make a vampire-human baby, will be out in theaters on November 18. This is only part one of the finale, because it was so exciting and sexy that they had to split it in two, much like the vampire and human portions of Baby Cullen-Swan -- otherwise we all would simply expire from the thrill of watching it. Also, we would have to get up at least once to pee because it would be a very long movie, and then we would miss something important, and we hate that. In any case, by serving two separate portions of the film, one now and one later, there is delayed gratification. This is good for everyone, not least, the movie makers, and also is sort of fitting for an entire series about waiting until you are married to have sex with a vampire. (Subtext!)

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Not in attendance, to our knowledge.

​"If I get drunk and puke on my shoes, don't write about it. Or at least ask me first."

Runnin' Scared dutifully jotted down that request as we waited for two of the most powerful bachelorettes in media, and one of the bachelors, to finish their tequila gimlets. We were standing in a crowded Mexican place across the street from the most power-clogged singles event of the summer -- the Media Power Singles Power Mixer, hosted by the New York Observer, creator of those slideshows we gave ourselves the burden of fact-checking last week.

Before the night's end, at least two men would be punched in or around the face; Runnin' Scared would engage in a shouting match with an editor of a competing publication; our notes would become so illegible as to not be of any use; plans would be made (and then forgotten) to crash Bill Keller's party; and Runnin' Scared would accidentally photobomb a certain "wunderkind" New York Times media reporter. And we weren't even there for the whole thing.

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​Well, that earthquake yesterday kind of took us by surprise. Though, in retrospect, we wouldn't have done it much differently, particularly as it only lasted about 10 seconds. Maybe we would have enjoyed it more, knowing what we do now, being something of an "earthquake expert." (Shut it, California.) Maybe we would have been funnier. But there is a new thing to fear and anticipate mocking snarkily quite literally on the horizon, and that is...a possible hurricane. Hurricane Irene. How best to prepare for a hurricane in New York City? We will tell you.

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The Internet seems to think this is a bad date.

​Here's something fun in so much as it makes you feel better about the time that chemist asked you out and stipulated he had "some time available between 7 and 7:45 p.m. on a Thursday, if that worked for you." Or the time that you went out with your parents' friends' son's friend, who stole your credit card, but at least he paid for dinner. Or the time that "date" meant "I'm going to come over to your house and drink all of your wine, 'k?" Or the time...well, anyway, sharing our bad date experiences -- oh, and there are many! -- is super-therapeutic, which is why we are thoroughly enjoying this list of bad date tweets, inspired by Rhodri Marsden's (@rhodri) tweet about a bad date.

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