All dogs go to heaven; some say, "F that."

​Upon finding a cage of six abandoned, emaciated puppies behind Sulpher Animal Shelter in Oklahoma, Animal Control Officer Scott Prall had no choice but to put the dogs down. The litter was then thrown into a dumpster behind the overcrowded shelter (yes, that is what happens to dogs who are put down; they do not receive Last Rites or individual funerals). WLTX reports the next morning Officer Prall checked the dumpster which was supposed to be emptied overnight. It wasn't. What's odder still is that one of the puppies who was declared stone-cold dead the night before was alive and well, licking death in the face.

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​What is happening to everyone? This week, two prominent blog posts about regrets people have surfaced on the Internet. One, made up of all stripes of reader submissions at the New York Times CityRoom blog, the other, via The Hairpin, made up of women in their 30s' submissions at AOL's Lemondrop. They are easily Two of The Most Miserable Blog Posts Ever Written. To make everything better, we packaged that information into a handy guide to help you not regret your life.

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A young whale may find itself in trouble if it ventures to East Hampton alone.

​Warning: This is a sad one. Not only do we hate when an adorable animal is in trouble, this particular adorable animal, a humpback whale calf, is stuck in possibly the worst place for whales -- Main Beach at East Hampton. You can barely get away with a one-piece there, much less a blowhole (mind out of the gutter, please!).

While East Hampton is troubling enough in its own right, now we will always associate it not only with shallow people and the cars they drive and wine spritzers they drink, but also with the last moments of a hapless baby whale that just so happened to swing by the beach, probably on a whim (it happens to the best of us), and get separated from his mother.

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​The weekend storm was unpleasant for most of us, but somewhat worse for tens of thousand of New Yorkers who lost their electric service.

As of this morning, the Advance reports, 14,560 households in the borough are still blacked out. NY1 tallies 8,400 homes out of service in the Bronx, 5,900 in Queens, 3,790 in Brooklyn. Even 89 apartments in Manhattan lost and have yet to get back power.

NYPD got more 911 calls during the storm than they had on 9/11.

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​LaRhonda Pettit, biological daughter of the late soul singer James Brown, claimed today that her father's body was missing. It had been left in the care of Brown's legitimate daughter Deanna Brown Thomas after the singer's death in 2006, in preparation for its installation in an as-yet unfinished tomb, and somehow Pettit got word it had disappeared. Pettit has harbored suspicions about her father's death, and had hoped to get an autopsy performed, which its claimed disappearance obviously would preclude.

Much humor ensued in the press ("Brown is now the Gone-father of Soul!"). But Brown family spokeswoman Elif Crawford -- who, when we told her about the claim this morning, seemed surprised -- sent us a statement that says it's nonsense.

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​The woman killed in the subway yesterday has been identified. Rose M. Mankos, 48, was a lawyer who lived in Stuyvesant Town. She was on the 77th Street platform on the 6 line Thursday afternoon when she dropped her bag on the tracks and climbed down to retrieve it. She couldn't get back up quick enough to evade the train -- others in the station reportedly cried for her to lay in the trough between the tracks so that the train might pass over her, but Markos froze, and the train crushed her into the platform, severely injuring her skull. The bag contained her ID, a cellphone, gym clothes, and deodorant.

​They think they have Joe Stack's body, along with that of someone who may have been working in the building Stack dive-bombed. (He is feared to be IRS employee Vernon Hunter, 67.)

Stack's apparent suicide note has received careful attention. Business Insider thought to look at the source code, revealing that Stack amended his diatribe 27 times, finishing at 12:42 EST on the morning of his rampage.

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​Here's why we maybe aren't as fast on the draw as some news sites: The Canwest News Service reported today that folksinger Gordon Lightfoot, 71, was dead, and obits ran in some papers. (In case the Edmonton Journal thinks better of leaving this up, we have a larger screen grab after the jump.) The report was attributed "to sources close to the singer."

Not too close, apparently: Gordon Lightfoot is alive.

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twitpic via jeff_lake

​They're still trying to figure out why that guy stole took off in a plane and crashed it into an office building in Austin, Texas*.

A suicide note is being circulated that some believe was written by the pilot, though. (Update: The admin has taken the site down "in compliance with a request from the FBI"; the note is reproduced here.)

"If you're reading this, you're no doubt asking yourself, 'Why did this have to happen?'" says "Joe Stack," who grimly adds "(1956-2010)" to his name on the note dated February 18.

The provenance of the note is unconfirmed -- though reports suggest the attacker was indeed one Joe Stack, and that his wife and daughter were evacuated from a fire the man set at his home this morning -- but if it's a hoax, it's pretty good: it's over 3,300 words long and portrays an attempted tax resister who claims to have lost "$40,000+" and "10 years of my life" fighting the IRS, and is prepared to die.

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​In the wake of the gruesome death of Olympic luger Nodar Kumaritashvili in a training accident last week, Olympic officials have moved the starting points on the luge track to slow the course -- which has some lugers already missing the excitement of a world-class run.

It may seem the officials have suddenly become more concerned with broken bones than broken records. But the safety of competitive sports has been on the agenda even before Kumaritashvili went over the wall in Vancouver -- and some officials want to change the sports themselves to make them less harmful.

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