Beefs

37 Things For An Unapologetically Judgmental New Yorker To Hate About Las Vegas

By Steven Thrasher Tue., Aug. 7 2012 at 12:25 PM
Categories: Beefs, Hate Us or Love Us, Las Vegas, Lists, Steven Thrasher

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Steven Thrasher
No. 13: There are actually LINES to PAWN YOUR SHIT
The Voice just returned from a trip to Las Vegas. While we enjoyed the UNITY 2012 and NLGJA conferences, we were disturbed by the "city" itself. Here are 37 reasons why we hated it, presented in no particular order, except that No. 37 is the most insidious.

1. The architecture of confusion reigns supreme, so that you never have any sense of direction, time, or space

2. Carrot Top

3. There is more than one Hard Rock Cafe

4. There's a pyramid with THREE different Starbucks inside of it

5. There is little difference between the strip and the airport, but the airport is better. (While both have slot machines and trap people inside a closed system, the airport has better, cheaper and healthier food options.)

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Weather

10 Ways to Enjoy Today's Spring-Like Weather

By Nick Greene Sat., Jan. 7 2012 at 3:57 PM
Categories: Happiness Is a Warm Something, Lists, Nick Greene, Sometimes We Do Nice Things, Weather

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It's like this outside, but without the leaves.
As of writing, it is 62 degrees in New York City. Fahrenheit! If you aren't a numbers person, let us translate: It's comically pleasant outside. People are wearing T-shirts, dogs are going doggie jacket-less, and everyone is happy because they don't have to deal with the bleak frigidness of yet another day of harrowing winter. Things are going to cool down when the sun sets, but you still have some time to enjoy this unseasonable warmth. Here are 10 things to do outside this afternoon.

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The Future

We Predict the Top 10 Stories of 2012

By Nick Greene Sun., Jan. 1 2012 at 12:55 PM
Categories: Fun With Headlines, Lists, Nick Greene, The Future, Things That Make You Go 'Hmm...'

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After compiling our list of the most-read Village Voice stories of 2011, we got to thinking about what the new year will bring. While it's impossible to accurately foresee the coming news cycle, we've used complex algorithms and web-based analytics to predict ten stories that will rock the world this year.

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Lists!

Year-End Top Ten Lists: We Rank Each Number

By Nick Greene Sat., Dec. 31 2011 at 2:09 PM
Categories: Lists, Lists!, Nick Greene, Rankings, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

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The year-end list is an odd phenomenon. In the past, they were one-offs newspapers ran to fill space during the holiday doldrums. Because the Internet is basically an excuse to run slideshows and top tens, year-end lists take center stage. You've read dozens of these pointless and arbitrary rankings in the past week, so we present to you the most pointless and arbitrary year-end list of them all: The top ten numbers used in year-end top ten lists.

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Lists

A List of Easily Achievable New Year's Resolutions

By Nick Greene Sat., Dec. 31 2011 at 9:40 AM
Categories: Lists, New Year's Eve, Nick Greene, WE CARE A LOT!, What Not to Do

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After midnight tonight, as you are finishing your seventh screwdriver and fishing your phone out of the toilet, you are expected to make a promise to yourself, a resolution. These often turn out to be hollow gestures; the unused gym membership, the Rosetta Stone disc gathering dust on your desk, the AA sponsor's corpse underneath your floorboards.

It doesn't have to be like this.

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Steven Thrasher

21 Voice Stories from 2011 That Melted Even This Grizzled Journalist's Heart to Report

By Steven Thrasher Thu., Dec. 22 2011 at 1:33 PM
Categories: Lists, Steven Thrasher

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James Worrell
Looking back, 2011 has been quite a year, especially on the gay rights front, one of our major beats. Like the cardiac organ caught in a bear trap accompanying Jen Doll's "Plight of the Single Lady," there were times when, objective reporter or not, the stories we were reporting here at the Voice grabbed our grizzled, hardened heart and refused to let go.

And so we ask you, dear readers, to indulge us in the rare use of the first person singular as we reflect on some of the stories that touched and moved us to report over the past 12 months.

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Lists

10 Things New Yorkers Need to Stop Doing Immediately

By Jen Doll Tue., Oct. 4 2011 at 12:03 PM
Categories: Etiquette , Jen Doll, Lists, Public Service Announcement, Why Would You Do This?

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In light of the latest suspicious package left on public transit, which led to a shutdown of Times Square at peak commuting time (and, surely, got everybody's nerves up in a bunch, yet again, not to mention, is there enough coffee in the world for all of this?), it's time for a little PSA. Here are 10 things that we really need to stop doing. Call it etiquette, call it a movement for the betterment of society. Call it what you will. We're guilty of some, ourselves.

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$%#&

How to Behave Upon the News that a Satellite Might, Possibly, Hit the Earth Friday

By Jen Doll Tue., Sep. 20 2011 at 5:52 PM
Categories: $%#&, Jen Doll, Lists, Space Y'all, Things to Worry About

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If the font scares you, the satellite has won.
Have you heard!? A satellite that's been alternately described as "massive," "bus-sized," and "six-ton" is "barreling" -- or possibly traipsing, stumbling, or lackadaisically meandering in its fancy shoes toward Earth. It's going to take until Friday to get here, and if it ruins our weekend plans, we are going to be pissed! It's expected to land "anywhere from northern Canada to southern South America," and there's a 1-in-3,200 chance of anyone getting hit with its debris, which, somehow, translates into a 1-in-20 trillion chance for "any particular person" to be hit. Before you get up from the computer and start pulling out your hair or eating a giant cake with both fists while shouting "What if it's MEEEEE? I have the WORST LUCK!" -- because what else are you going to do upon the news that a bus-sized satellite might, possibly, hit the Earth and land on you? -- take a few deep breaths. We are here for you!

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City Life

15 Neighbors You Will Have in New York City

By Jen Doll Fri., Sep. 16 2011 at 3:43 PM
Categories: City Life, Jen Doll, Lists, Things to Know in Easy Bites

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Whether you've lived in New York for one year or 50, you will have encountered at various points the phenomenon of the New York City neighbor, that extending to anyone who lives next door, next door-next door, on the other side, upstairs, downstairs, somewhere mysteriously ensconced in the deepest confines of your building and forever untraceable, and yet, still, you can hear them talking!, outside your window and in the next apartment over, and so on. We are a city. You are surrounded by people, and that is true even when you're at home -- in bed, making dinner, eating an old, cold bowl of macaroni on the couch, doing yoga, or tending to your Chia Pet. You are surrounded. Following is a list of 15 people you may experience living next to, at some point or another, during your stay here. This is by no means conclusive. We are all originals.

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Movies

71 Things to Do While You Wait for Breaking Dawn to Finally Be Out in Theaters

By Jen Doll Thu., Sep. 8 2011 at 12:19 PM
Categories: Jen Doll, Laugh So As Not to Cry, Lists, Movies, Things About Us, Time, Godforsaken Time, WE CARE A LOT!, We Love Books

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Unless you are a fan of the Twilight saga (and if you're not, what is WRONG with you?), you may not be aware that Breaking Dawn, the finale of the series, in which Bella and Edward actually make a vampire-human baby, will be out in theaters on November 18. This is only part one of the finale, because it was so exciting and sexy that they had to split it in two, much like the vampire and human portions of Baby Cullen-Swan -- otherwise we all would simply expire from the thrill of watching it. Also, we would have to get up at least once to pee because it would be a very long movie, and then we would miss something important, and we hate that. In any case, by serving two separate portions of the film, one now and one later, there is delayed gratification. This is good for everyone, not least, the movie makers, and also is sort of fitting for an entire series about waiting until you are married to have sex with a vampire. (Subtext!)

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