Sucklord Gets Kicked Off Work of Art, Releases Self-Mocking Jerk of Art Action Figure

Last night, the gallery world's Top Chef eliminated our man Sucklord, the Chinatown-based bootleg toymaker we splashed on the Village Voice cover in September. Throughout the course of the first six episodes, the Sucklord was the reality competition's clear breakout personality: the Sucklord got the most airtime, the most character development, the most massaged subplots, the most televised quotes about "balls," and even a chance to spraypaint China Chow's (clothed) breasts.

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Magnetic Boy Has Amazing Talent That Will Do Him No Good in Actual Life

Have you seen the video of the magnetic boy, to whom objects like frying pans and spoons cling as if they were superglued to his little body? Plates, too, love Magnetic Boy, and computers and electronics stop working immediately in honor of his presence. This may hinder his ability to get a job, but you know, what's a job when you're so chipper and magnetic? Magnetic Boy, who hails from Serbia, was just on the Today Show, where our own Francesca Stabile reports, breathlessly, that remote controls stuck right to him!

Magnetic Boy is now head-to-head with the Smoking Baby in our affections for children with superpowers. Somebody buy this kid a shirt!