How to Watch March Madness Without Getting Fired From Your Job

You have a problem: You love watching college hoops, but you also love being employed so you can pay rent and feed your freeloading family. Every March, these two loves come head-to-head in a battle for your attention. Slam dunks and buzzer-beaters vs. shelter and nourished children--it's too close to call! At least, it was too close to call. We've cooked up some easy strategies so you can watch March Madness without losing your job.

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City Tackles Drunk Driving By Giving Away Debit Cards Today In Queens and Brooklyn

via Facebook
Free money!

As part of its campaign against drunk driving, the city's Department of Transportation has launched a "Safe Rides Home" giveaway promotion with thousands of free taxi, livery, and public transit rides in honor of, what else, March Madness.

It's a part of this slightly oddly-named initiative called You The Man, which is intended to "resonate with all New Yorkers, and especially young men ages 21-39 -- a demographic overrepresented in alcohol-related crashes in the city," according to a press release sent out last week.

So, you know, be the man, dudes, and claim your free money!

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New Jersey Man Uses Blind, Dumb Luck to Predict Correct Final Four

5.9 million people filled out March Madness brackets on this year, and astoundingly only 2 of them picked the Final Four correctly. Of these two, one of their identities has yet to be revealed (probably because he's an octopus). WNYC reports that the other clairvoyant sports fan is Jon Pearlman, a 50-year-old New Brunswick man who works in IT. This was the first time he ever filled out an online bracket, and the poor judgment and lack of research that led to him to select unheralded VCU and Butler in the Final Four also won him $10,000.

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March Madness Day 4: More Excitement Than Hollywood Smash-Hit Limitless!

Yesterday was fun, huh? The afternoon games produced four gems that will be cherished by their school's old, lonely alumni while on their deathbeds. First, Matt Howard helped Butler, last year's runners-up, beat Old Dominion (which we think is a decommissioned vessel from the War of 1812) 60-58 on a last-second tip-in.

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March Madness Day 3: At South by Southwest, They Were Into March Madness in February

Go ahead and turn Twitter off today, you'll thank us. There will be only two types of tweets: people talking about South by Southwest (or, "South by," if you're an insufferable nincompoop) and people talking about March Madness. Both of them will make you very angry. Just so you don't miss anything, here are today's most common tweets in advance: "Uh, Ariel Pink just left the port-o-john and totally bypassed the purell station #hauntedgraffiti" and "WTF why arnt the stupid refs calling fouls on Gonzaga? #totalbszebras."

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March Madness Day 2: Obama Makes His Picks, Biden's Bookie Won't Accept His

via ESPN
ESPN released Barack Obama's March Madness bracket today, along with a video of the president making his picks. Depending on your political leanings, you think this is either a lighthearted exercise showing that the president is a normal guy, or a potentially catastrophic waste of time while America crumbles from within. (Also, he's so quick to produce his bracket -- where's the birth certificate?) Obama has all the top seeds making it to the Final Four, with Kansas beating Ohio State for the national championship. Do these conservative picks mean he will shy away from socially progressive issues? Is he trying to woo two battleground states ahead of the 2012 election? Are we really attempting to surmise substantial information from something called "Barack-Etology?"

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March Madness Day 1: Check Your Local Listings for truTV

Big news! March Madness starts today! Well, the play-in games start today, which isn't very big news, but still: MARCH MADNESS! Tonight's juicy match-ups: UNC Asheville vs. Arkansas Little Rock at 6:30 p.m. and UAB vs. Clemson at 9 p.m. Both games will be airing on truTV, which used to be Court TV. We assume this means that at least one of the teams will be featuring Kato Kaelin at point guard.

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