​With the slut-shaming, front-page New York Post pic of Greg Kelly's rape accuser -- which we're not linking to because the tab's treatment of sexual violence has been plain. fucking. wrong. -- it seemed like there might not be enough room in today's news cycle for more cringe-inducing coverage. Of anything.

But Runnin' Scared has just been surprised by this recent gem from Gothamist: "Video: Chinese Dad Makes Nearly-Naked Son Exercise On Snowy NYC Street."

The "Eagle dad" responsible for this fatherly fuck-up is trying to make his son man up, but what being Chinese has to do with this -- and why making specific mention of being Chinese in a headline is appropriate -- remains unclear.

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​The New York Daily News is reporting that the NYPD has warned its ranks about what the paper describes as "'Oceans 11'-style burglary gangs" who want to rob banks when they are closed for holidays -- as they will be tomorrow for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Apparently, it's prime time for burglars to get together and plan heists. But what if they are actually Ocean's Twelve-style robbers? Or Ocean's Thirteen guys?

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The new guy's got some history.

​The New York Daily News is apparently hiring a new Editor-In-Chief, just a year and a half after Kevin Convey took over the job.

But that's not the most interesting thing about today's announcement. It's that Convey's replacement is Colin Myler, the last editor to preside over the News of the World before it collapsed in an epic phone-hacking scandal.

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​The New York Daily News launched a blog about literature and publishing today called Page Views. So far it has three posts: one introductory post from each editor and also a nude photo of Truman Capote lounging in a towel. As if a tabloid with a lit blog wasn't novel enough!

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Not the foot found; not a real foot, either.

​Earlier today, both the Daily News and the New York Post reported the gruesome news that what appeared to be a toddler's foot had been discovered by an unlucky fellow taking out the trash in Queens. "That's somebody's baby!" the Post quoted a horrified woman as saying. Fortunately, that was not correct, and, frankly, a little bit sensational. The New York Times quotes the Medical Examiner's Office: "Our anthropologists examined it," Ellen Borakove, a spokeswoman for the office, said. "It's still unclear what it is, but it's definitely not a human foot."

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That's quite the photo.

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Not Eddie, but another very fat cat.

​It's okay to be fat, you guys, and here's why. Let's say you're a cat, and a red tail hawk plucks you from your afternoon nap and flies away with you in its talons. Your pudge proves too much for the hawk, who carries you for a while and then gives up, dropping you back to the ground. You survive. This is what happened to Upper West Side fat cat Eddie, who was snatched by a hawk and carried for 50 feet before the hawk had had enough of his 15-pound heft. Eddie was lucky enough to land on someone's garden umbrella after a 5-story fall, surviving with only a few minor cuts and bruises.

[NYDN]

[@_rosiegray]

Joba to pollster: Rate THIS!

It isn't often that the Daily News gets something like this right, but the cover story "Bronx Jeers! Jealous Nit-Wits Rip Yankees Stars in Player Poll" has it down.

In the current issue of Sports Illustrated, three Yankees are the answer to the question "Who is the most overrated player in baseball?" The anonymous poll took in 185 major league players. A-Rod got 18 percent, Joba Chamberlain 12 percent, and Derek Jeter 7 percent. Joba's response, I think, was the best: "I'm disappointed that I'm not number one."

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​Yesterday we asked "Should the United States Release Osama Bin Laden Death Photos?" but by this afternoon the White House announced that President Barack Obama had opted to keep the images secret for fear they would inflame anti-U.S. anger worldwide. "There is no doubt that we killed Osama bin Laden," Obama told 60 Minutes in an interview. "We don't need to spike the football." Rep. Mike Rogers backed the president's decision: "Imagine how the American people would react if Al Qaeda killed one of our troops or military leaders, and put photos of the body on the Internet," he said. But less than two hours later, Reuters went ahead and published images they purchased from a Pakistani security official depicting three bloody bodies of men killed during the raid by U.S. special forces of Bin Laden's Abbottabad compound. Are pictures of Osama next, despite the president's wishes? And if our government's preferences are ignored and a leak of the Bin Laden pictures does occur, will media outlets have the right and responsibility to spread them? That's the question at hand in today's Press Clips media column. Plus, photo experts weigh in on the Situation Room instant classic and details of the Daily News' own Bin Laden intel.

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​It's time for us to get serious about naming the Bronx Zoo cobra. The submissions are rolling in and they're terrible. The Houdini theme is popular (get it -- because she escaped out of her cage): "Bronxdini," "Zoodini," etc. Jesus -- Bronxdini?

"Twitter" is also an early front-runner.

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