Bernie's boxers. They're a size 40. (via MSNBC)

​If "weird and creepy," or, "historically intrigued," or, "needing some new underwear" happen to fit you, you should crack open your piggy banks for Saturday's auction of Bernie (and Ruth) Madoff's duds -- not just boxers but art, furniture, glasswear, jewelry, even a piano and a Judith Lieber handbag -- which starts at 10 a.m. at Manhattan's Sheraton Hotel and Towers.

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​Hey, Flyover Country! Do you think us Godless New York Liberals want too much of your guns taken off of the street, your unborn babies to become science experiments, and worst of all, your money for our grubby little (often Jewish) hands? Well, guess what! We just score the motherfucking Powerball on your asses.

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​Between the Sing-A-Ma-Jigs, the Squinkies, the new Macbook AirCrisp, and the Obamarator, it's going to be tough figuring out what to put on the Hannukkah/Christmas/Festivus/Kwanzaa/December-Holiday-of-Choice-Built-Around-Animalistic-Consumerism wishlist.

But it looks like we've found the perfect gift...

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​A Reuters article today entitled "Lee makes himself more enticing for Yankees" notes that Texas Rangers southpaw Cliff Lee -- who delivered the New York Yankees a brutal slaying last night -- is looking more and more enticing to the 2009 World Series Champion Team, and that the Yankees can and will convince anyone to sell their soul to our city. Yes, even Texans.

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​How much does it cost to get out of the slimy grip of a dictatorial government? Try 500 G's. And that doesn't even get her friends off the hook! But the question remains: Who paid it?

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​In a lonely corner of Flushing Meadows-Corona Park, in the shadow of Philip Johnson's decaying New York State Pavilion, construction workers are filling the Astral Fountain with huge chunks of styrofoam, which will then be covered with concrete.

Is styrofoam really a good idea as a building material?

"I guess so," a worker told us, shrugging. "It doesn't have to be heavy. They gonna skate down here. They say they build skate parks like this all the time like this -- very light."

When it's complete, the former Astral Fountain will be the site of the first "Maloof Money Cup New York," held the weekend of June 5th and 6th. The event, one of two Money Cups in the U.S., will draw professional skaters from around the world.

More than just a big party, however, New York will end up with a free skate park out of the deal.

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