Likes big butts; cannot lie.

Today, Bloomberg becomes the first mayor to lay claim to a sixth borough: the supple flesh hidden beneath our pants.

Oh yes, there's nothing like a good body part to get our outgoing mayor's juices flowing. A New York magazine feature on his possible replacement, Christine Quinn, was completely overshadowed by a comment Bloomberg made to the reporter while admiring a party guest: "Look at the ass on her."

Earlier this morning, Bloomberg proved that he's an equal-opportunity objectifier, complimenting Joe Biden on his fleshy bits: "You know, Joe Biden, you can joke about him all you want, he's got a set of balls and says what he believes," the mayor told Politico, regarding the vice president's supportive comments about gay marriage last year.

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Some law enforcement officers like to unwind from a tough week on the job with a nice drink. Apparently one Buffalo, N.Y. FBI agent prefers to unwind by unzipping his pants and seducing truck drivers.

John A. Yervelli, a 48-year-old special agent for the FBI's Buffalo office, allegedly pulled alongside a truck on an upstate thruway, signaled to the driver of the truck that he was not wearing any pants and proceeded to make lewd gestures, according to a Buffalo News report.

The alleged incident occurred around 9 p.m. Friday night -- (you know, around the time when most agents might de-stress at the bar, relax at home with their families or generally not drive pants-less on a thruway.)

Not long after the truck driver alerted authorities, Yervelli was pulled over by a state trooper and arrested on misdemeanor public lewdness charges. He faces up to 30 days in jail and a $500 fine if convicted, according to the report.

No word yet on whether Yervelli will keep his job or whether pants-less driving violates bureau protocol.

So, it happens to you: that awkward moment when you're walking to class, work, wherever, and some weirdo whips out his penis. What do you do?

According to the Public Safety Department at Medgar Evers College in Brooklyn, you're supposed to "scream as loud as you can." Then you're supposed to seek "professional counseling" if the sight of some stranger's shlong leaves you traumatized.

Those are just two of six suggestions outlined in a campus-wide email -- which you can see below -- issued to faculty and students at MEC following a spike in flashings in recent weeks.

While screaming like a banshee and debating whether to see a shrink, officials also want you to make sure and soak in everything a flasher has to offer -- "notice hair and eye color, any tattoos or piercings, age, and their height and weight" so you can describe the flasher to authorities.

On the other hand, you could always just realize that this is New York City and there's a good chance that at some point in your life you'll encounter some weirdo who wants to show you his dick -- then just look away, try and burn the image of strange wiener out of your brain, call the cops, and go about your day. Or you can go the therapy route -- whatever works.

See the entire email below.

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Stacy Lanyon

Protesters painted themselves a toxic green to protest the construction of a new pipeline for fracked natural gas in Manhattan.

Activists protesting the construction of a new natural gas pipeline into the heart of Manhattan stepped up their efforts to draw attention to the issue this weekend by getting naked, painting their bodies green, and dancing along the West Side Highway.

See More: Naked Green People Fight Pipeline Construction (NSFW)

The NJ-NY Expansion Project, known familiarly as the Spectra Pipeline after the Texas-based energy company behind it, runs about 16 miles from Staten Island, through New Jersey, and under the Hudson before surfacing in the West Village.

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In our experience, the first question that needs to be asked whenever there's a story about a naked guy wandering around in public is "so...what drugs was he on?"

That said, there's an outside chance that a guy found wandering around the woods in New Jersey over the weekend was sober as a judge.
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No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no underwear -- no problem. At least for an Upstate woman, who walked into a lumber store completely naked yesterday. That, however, was only after she walked into a nearby convenience store, also in the buff.

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