How Often Do Air Conditioners Fall Out of NYC Windows and Kill People?

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RAND Engineering & Architecture, PC
Ah, New York City in the summer! Generally, we really do love it, despite the on-the-way-to-work sweatiness and fish-in-an-old-sweat-sock smells. But with summer comes air conditioners, and with air conditioners come inept installations into apartment windows, and with inept installations come the occasional, every so often, reports that an air conditioner has fallen from the sky and bashed someone in the head. Which would be awful. Truly, truly awful. So, how much should we worry about this, really? We took to the Internet, place of great knowledge, to find out.

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Man Nearly Killed By Steel Beam Is Glass-Half-Full Kind of Guy

What would you do if you were just driving around Little Italy in your truck, on your second day of work looking for film locations for Robert De Niro's new movie, and suddenly a 20-foot steel beam came down from the sky and pierced the roof of your vehicle, just inches from your head? Would you praise the forces that had protected you, and thank your lucky stars? Or would you bitch and moan about the damage done and having to repair your truck?

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Heaven Is Full of Young Adults

According to Colton Burpo, who had a near-death experience as a four-year-old but lived to write a book about it with his dad (Heaven Is for Real, Christmas-list it!): There are no old people in heaven. If you make it up there, you get the Benjamin Button treatment. Also, as he explains in this Fox News clip, Jesus may be rather hot ("sea-blue eyes," "rough but kind face," and a "smile that lit up the heavens"...Brad Pitt is so playing him in the movie version! Or maybe James Franco with colored contacts...). Without further comment, because we'd like to maybe go there someday...
[via BuzzFeed]

News Riddle: How Many Floors Did Thomas Magill Fall Before He Landed on the Dodge Charger?

via the Daily News
No one can definitively answer this question! Yesterday, the Daily News reported that Thomas Magill fell seven stories and lived -- quite an impressive feat. Today, however, the Daily News updated the story, reporting that the man fell 39 stories -- holy shit, that's a big difference. The URL is true to the original headline: ...man_plunges_seven_stories_crashes... So, which is it? Should be an easy question to answer, right? Wrong.

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Scorched Jesus Statue to Pave Way for Bigger, Better Jesus

So, a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ -- a/k/a, "Touchdown Jesus," a/k/a, "Big Butter Jesus" (it's yellow, okay?) positioned attractively outside of the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio, was struck by lightning and burst into flames on Monday night. And there is absolutely nothing to read into that, except that tall things attract lightning, and that the giant Jesus probably should have been wearing Crocs, but then that wouldn't have been very realistic, now, would it?

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After Chinatown Fire, Tenants Pick Over the Ruins

Two weeks after a seven-alarm fire ripped through their Chinatown building and three others, the tenants of 289 Grand Street lined up in front of the ruins on Saturday afternoon to salvage whatever remained of their belongings.

The tenants came with empty shopping bags and low expectations as the city allowed small groups into the buildings at 20-minute intervals.

"I'm awful," dancer Stephen Vendola told the Voice while standing in line. But he was able to retrieve a few items — a coat, a quilt, and a passport — and he found that his paintings were intact.

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SpongeBob: Fashion Icon, Life-Saver, Man About Town

Our sea sponge of the hour
Kids, tell your parents that cartoons do save lives, and they should stop pressuring you to use the Wii Fit and just let you sit and watch your G.D. shows, okay?

We are so happy when what might have been a tragic tale ends with hugs all around and a life-affirming lesson.

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Introducing ... A Humorous Look at Something Sad

Sad! Happy! Sad. Happy. Oof.
Sometimes we hear something that's really quite sad -- tragic, even -- yet instead of making us feel depressed or ache for humanity or get out and do some charity work, it makes us laugh. And we feel bad about that. One time our teacher even yelled at us for laughing when the soldiers were shot in Johnny Tremain, but they were shot in such a funny way we just couldn't help it. And we do have a sense of humor, unlike some people.

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Boobs: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Today's Boob Day here at Runnin' Scared HQ (we know, we know -- for you, every day is Boob Day). But it's an extra special Boob Day, kind of like the pierced nipple of Boob Days, given my "smut peddling" co-blogger Foster's get (which, if you haven't seen, is here). And so, in AA (is it Ashley Alexandra or Alexandra Ashley? Who the hell cares?) Dupre's honor, I'd like to issue a small large craft warning:

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