Shit That Can't Be Made Up

Deli Wins 'Instant Heart Attack' Sandwich Suit; High Cholesterol Ensues

By John Surico Sat., Jul. 7 2012 at 11:32 AM
Categories: Make It Stop, John Surico, Obesity, Shit That Can't Be Made Up
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http://www.2ndavedeli.com/
God Bless America
If you walk into the Second Avenue Deli - a kosher eatery that relocated from the East Village, when it actually was on 2nd Avenue, to Midtown - with $24.95 in your wallet, you'll have just enough moolah to buy a little snack called the 'Instant Heart Attack.' The 804-calorie towering sandwich, made up of sliced pastrami and fried potato latkes, is like the Tim Tebow at Carnegie Deli - a symbol of food excess that tastes delicious all the way to the doctor. Except the one at Second Avenue faced a bit of a legal problem.

Enter The Heart Attack Grill. This properly-named Las Vegas joint opened in 2005 and, to describe it in a nutshell, the website for the restaurant has a banner that says "Fight Anorexia!" and a sign that showcases its Guinness World Record for the Grill's healthy serving known as the Quadruple Bypass Burger. So that's the image it's going for - a cholesterol-laden reputation that it was willing to sue the Second Avenue Deli over.

Unfortunately for the Grill, the suit was brought here to New York, where we take our food very, very seriously. For that reason, a Manhattan judge decided yesterday to let the Second Avenue Deli continue to sell the calories, handing owner Jack Lebewohl a victory over his Vegas rivals.

A trademark infringement case over a sandwich called the 'Instant Heart Attack'... God bless America.

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Obesity

Science Does Not Want Your Fat, Dead Body

By Jen Doll Tue., Jan. 10 2012 at 12:26 PM
Categories: : (, Jen Doll, Obesity, Science, You're Making Us Sad

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As we are reminded regularly, much of America is overweight or even obese, and this is bad, bad, bad. Not only is it unhealthy for our bodies; it means our pants are uncomfortably tight. But beyond that, a certain pride in human life is being able to give your physical specimen away to science when you shuffle off this mortal coil, whether that's so you can help others, feel better about the life you have led, or maybe, have something positive-sounding about yourself to offer up at the gates of Heaven. But now, it seems, science doesn't even want your corpse. Science is turning up its nose at your corpse. Because your corpse is, well, fat. Science is rude.

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Obesity

Almost Everyone in America Is Too Fat

By Jen Doll Fri., Nov. 18 2011 at 8:57 AM
Categories: America, Exercise, Jen Doll, Obesity

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Good morning! Are you enjoying a delicious donut with this blog post? Do you have full-fat milk in your coffee? Did you get your full intake of pizza-as-vegetable last night? Maybe so! According to two new research from the American Heart Association, Americans are getting fatter and sicker faster than you can say "Extra cheese." (But, really, let's not blame cheese here.) Researchers estimate that by 2020, the "vast majority" of American adults -- 83 percent of men and 72 percent of women -- will be too fat, and 77 percent of men and 53 percent of women will have diabetes or pre-diabetes.

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Relationships

If Your Partner Is Dieting, They Probably Want to Dump You, Says Science

By Jen Doll Mon., Nov. 7 2011 at 4:23 PM
Categories: Jen Doll, Obesity, Relationships, Science, You're Crazy, The Plight of the Married Lady

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A report by a couple of fun-loving sociologists in Germany may have you concerned. They say that happy couples get fat because there is no longer the same pressure on them to look good. Thus, when your wonderful boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband announces he or she is only eating egg whites, and spending a lot of time in the gym, and how about this raw food diet program he or she has heard so much about?, you should be very worried that they're not going to be much fun to go to dinner with. And also, they might want to ditch you for someone else. (The alternative, non-science view: They may just want to get healthy so as to enjoy life with you as much as possible for the rest of your glorious years, and you should really stop being so irrationally paranoid.)


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Food Is Not Love

Life, Not College, Is What Makes You Fat

By Jen Doll Wed., Nov. 2 2011 at 10:32 AM
Categories: College Conundrum , Food Is Not Love, Jen Doll, Lies We Were Told, Obesity

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Today in news you can use to remind yourself that you're not in college anymore (unless you are, in which case, hooray!), MSNBC reports that the cursed, vile freshman 15 is actually not true, at least, so says a new study, which found that most college students don't actually gain 15 pounds in their first year at school. More accurate would be a freshman 3, but what happened to the old college try?

"The 'freshman 15' is a myth," said Ohio State research scientist Jay Zagorsky, co-author of the study that is believed to be the first nationwide look at the purported phenomenon. "There is no 'freshman 15.'"
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Fat

Man Sues White Castle Because He Can't Fit Into Their Booths

By Nick Greene Sat., Sep. 17 2011 at 1:16 PM
Categories: Courts, Fat, Lawsuits, Nick Greene, Obesity

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Rockland County resident Martin Kessman is suing White Castle under the Americans with Disabilities Act because he was unable to fit into his local establishment's booths. Forbes reports that Kessman, who is 290 lbs., is filing the suit after two separate trips to the Nanuet, New York White Castle. Mr. Kessman says he is being discriminated against because of his Rubenesque frame. Litigious and obese? Let's put this man on the dollar bill.

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Obesity

New Yorkers Cannot Escape the Creeping Fatification of America

By Jen Doll Thu., Jul. 7 2011 at 2:05 PM
Categories: City Life, Fat, Health, Jen Doll, Obesity, Public Service Announcement

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New Yorkers are known for many things, some true, some not. Like, being rude (even though, really, on a one-on-one basis we're quite friendly, as long as you don't stop us on our way to work with some idiotic question). And, being skinny (because we walk so much, and so fast, that we don't have time to answer your idiotic questions). Except now we're not so skinny, are we? According to the latest "Hey Fatty, You're Fat!" study that we've grown to love and expect on a biannual basis, New Yorkers are fat! Well, one in four of us is fat. Raise your heads on their chubby necks to peer above the walls of the cubicle where you've sat upon your ass for the last 2 hours and check out your portly neighbors. Point fingers! It will burn calories! So does a great, big belly laugh!

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Real Estate

Skinniest, Most Adorable House in New York Is for Sale Again

By Jen Doll Thu., May 19 2011 at 12:38 PM
Categories: Jen Doll, Obesity, Only in New York, Real Estate, This Modern World

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It's the one in the middle. Via Curbed.
If you have a spare $4.3 million to throw down, you could buy the most adorable, extremely thin house in New York City, 75 1/2 Bedford Street (1/2!), which has recently come back on the market, reports Curbed. Despite it being a mere eight feet and some inches across at its girthiest point, it continues to increase in value, or at least asking price, from $1.6 million in 2000 to $2.75 million in 2009, to almost doubling that today.

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Caffeine Nation

Mildred Baena Is Mother of Schwarzenegger Love Child; Yale Frat Banned for 'No Means Yes!' Chant; OB-GYNs Denying Obese Patients

By Jen Doll Wed., May 18 2011 at 9:37 AM
Categories: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Caffeine Nation, College, Jen Doll, Obesity, Sex

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• The mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's "love child" has been named as Mildred Patricia ("Patty") Baena, 50, a housekeeper/assistant for the family for more than 20 years whose jobs included cleaning, laundry, cooking, and other chores. According to Radar Online, Baena threatened to go public with the details of their affair after Schwarzenegger fired her. [NYDN, Radar Online]


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New York

New York City Considers Fast-Food Toy Ban, Cites Happy Fat Kids

By Nick Greene Wed., Apr. 6 2011 at 5:06 PM
Categories: Last Days of Freedom, New York, Obesity, Politics, Toys

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Ladies and gentlemen, a photo of the world's only Filet-O-Fish Happy Meal.
Gather round, children, and listen to a tale of the evil New York City Council attempting to take your Happy Meal toys away. Yahoo reports that the dastardly City Council Deputy Majority Leader Leroy Comrie, who comes from a magical place called "District 27," has introduced a bill that aims to ban fast-food toys and, as he says, will "empower parents by making it harder for the fast food industry to target children with predatory marketing techniques." What can you do to save your fun toys from being banished to the land of restricted personal freedoms? Nothing, you're just a kid.

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