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Dear Ladies of the Red Carpet:

Where's the shock of the swan dress or the pizzazz of the goth showgirl of yesteryear? Come on, ladies, this is the Oscars, and it's 2012! Why are so many of you million dollar actresses playing the Grace Kelly card? We are fully aware that all of you can't pull off a nip slip like Jennifer Lopez, or a bare-leg pose like Angelina Jolie. But you can still be poised and scandalous at the same time.

Please, don't get us wrong, we're not asking for sex-on-a-stick -- we're just looking for some real Hollywood bravado. We would be perfectly content if you had wowed or offended us, but we just hate being on the verge of a yawn. Thankfully, there was a nun on the red-carpet, and Sacha Baron Cohen in his dictator garb. Even veteran actresses like Meryl Streep in a shiny gold long-sleeve Lanvin and Glenn Close in a strapless/blazer Zac Posen put their younger counterparts to shame.

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Tonight, we'll be covering the 84th Annual Academy Awards, live from a computer. Stay here on Runnin' Scared for exclusive insight and commentary from a Hollywood insider who has seen THREE movies this year (not including a two-part episode of The Mentalist that looked pretty big-budget). Who's going to win? Who's going to get snubbed? Who's going to die in the middle of the ceremony and get frantically edited into the 'In Memoriam' segment? Stay tuned to find out!

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Unless you've been living in a box, you're aware that the Oscars are tonight. While we won't be live-blogging the event like we did last year [Update: If you were reading Runnin' Scared this evening, you were probably aware that we were mistaken and we did have live coverage], we do have some hopes and anticipations for tonight's ceremony. So get in your gown (you do have one, don't you?), sit down in front of your laptop and read on as we prepare you for your viewing experience, or the experience you will have tomorrow when you try to catch up via blogs and YouTube.

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Often, Hollywood gets political. Stars speak out on issues; movies have messages. But here we bring you a case of politics going Hollywood. In honor of Oscars The Chris Matthews Show re-envisioned tonight's front-runner for Best Picture -- the silent, black-and-white ode to nostalgia The Artist -- as a film starring Mitt Romney titled "Mitt: Better Off Mute." So how does Mitt do when he's (mostly) non-verbal. Check it out for after the jump. Watch for wonder-dog Uggie and dashing Frenchman star Jean Dujardin.

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Esther Zuckerman

I'm going to be honest. I have a certain affinity for the Oscars, despite all of the oft-mentioned problems with the event (too long, too off-base with the films it honors). My frequent go-to procrastination technique involves searching for clips from old ceremonies on YouTube. (Billy Crystal as Gollum! Anna Paquin as child in a hat!). So in order to fulfill a giddy pre-Oscar fix I headed to Grand Central's Vanderbilt Hall Friday to visit the "Meet The Oscars" exhibit running through this weekend. There I would encounter some real-life Oscar statuettes rather than the pixelated kind to which I was becoming accustomed.

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It took a lot of imagination and thinking-outside-the-box for the Academy to come up with this year's Oscar host after Eddie Murphy said no thanks: it's Billy Crystal, who has hosted the Oscars approximately 40 times already. The number is actually eight, but still.

This is a safe choice, and not necessarily a bad one, but it does mean one thing: the Muppets will almost surely not be hosting the next Academy Awards.

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Eddie Murphy announced that he was bowing out of hosting duties for next year's Oscars today. This came on the heels of Brett Ratner's resignation as the show's producer following an unfortunate gay slur. Oscar hosting duties are now up in the air. Who will take the reins?!

Maybe the Muppets. Today we learned of a campaign to do away entirely with infallible human hosts and replace them with Kermit, Miss Piggy, et al. It's the idea of Charlie Poekel, a 27-year-old Greenpoint resident who works for a documentary film company. He's started a social media campaign to get the Muppets hosting the next Oscars. We chatted with him this afternoon:

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​[Insert obligatory "And you get an Oscar! And you! And you!" joke.] Oprah Winfrey, ruler of Earth, is rumored to be a candidate to host next year's Academy Awards, although nothing is official at this stage in the game. Look, anything beats Franco and Hathaway. At the Oprah Oscars, winners won't just receive a statuette, but also a trip to Australia. Actually, everyone will get a trip to Austraaaaaaliaaaa, plus a new stove. Under your seats you'll find artisanal cupcakes. The Academy is downplaying the rumors, which means absolutely nothing.

[Reuters]

[@_rosiegray]

You had us at beard.

At Refinery 29's Oscar Viewing Party at the W Hotel in Union Square last night, we waited eagerly to be wowed by the celebs on the red carpet. Alas, that moment never came. We mostly shrugged, "meh"ed, and nodded. Not even Helena Bonham Carter, whose eccentricity has kept us entertained in the past, could hold our attention with her basic black corset dress. Perhaps last month's Golden Globes simply sucked out everyone's rebellious fashion potential for the Oscars -- or maybe, because loads of them got creamed for it, celebs decided to dress safe...in other words, boring. Maybe that's why James Franco seemed baked, and why the show overall sort of blew. But we don't want to be a complete drag, so here are our picks of the fashion highs and lows from last night's Oscars.More >>

Courtesy ABC

And now for the awards portion of the evening! Full disclosure: the three of us have seen only five of the Best Picture nominees. Not that it matters. So:

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