Chicago Bears Mascot Protests for the 99% (Of Bears)

The above picture was taken earlier this afternoon at Soldier Field during the Chicago Bears-Kansas City Chiefs game. As you can see, Chicago's mascot, Staley Da Bear, is in full support of the Occupy Wall Street movement and has occupied the sideline for the cause. Why he is dressed like Jimmy Buffett, we may never know.

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RIP Lynn Hauldren, Empire Carpet Man

Elmer Lynn Hauldren, famous for portraying the Empire Carpet Man, passed away yesterday at the age of 89. He was an advertising copywriter responsible for the Empire campaign in the '70s when the company asked for him to become their on-air spokesperson. The rest is history. 588-2300...

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Thieves Steal $80K Worth of Human Hair From Beauty Supply Store

Thieves broke into a Chicago beauty supply store on Easter and made off with almost $80,000 worth of human hair. The Tribune reports that the robbers pried open a metal door at the shop's rear and targeted the most expensive brands of hair once inside. Jay Han, the owner of Beauty One, said the men knew what they were doing. "They know, because they have a wife and they know what they do to beautify their hair styles and how they invest their money to buy hair." Police are combing through surveillance footage because that is a pun. [Chicago Tribune]

Rahm Emanuel Back on Goddamn Ballot For Chicago Mayor

Yesterday an appeals court in Illinois ruled that notoriously short-tempered, foul-mouthed Rahm Emanuel was not eligible to run for mayor in the election on February 22 because he does not qualify as a resident. Today, Emanuel's legal team took their case to the Illinois Supreme Court (you can read their petition here) where it was decided that he would be granted a "stay," meaning his name will indeed be printed on the ballot, but with a final decision forthcoming. The Emanuel petition called yesterday's decision "one of the most far-reaching election law rulings ever to be issued by an Illinois court, not only because of its implications for the current Chicago mayoral election but also for the unprecedented restriction that it imposes on the ability of numerous individuals to participate in every future municipal elections in this state." They went on to list six "fundamental reasons" to reverse the ruling. Today's decision to grant Emanuel a stay can be read here. In keeping with the spirit of the man, how about a hearty Fuck Yeah? [Ward Room / Chicago Tribune]

Rahm Emanuel, Mayor-to-Be of Chicago, Now With Awesome Twitter Doppelganger

"So this happened" indeed! The description for Rahm Emanuel's fake Twitter account, @MayorEmanuel, which one would imagine -- if done correctly -- could provide for the general public a great source of Fake Kaplan-level amusement: "Your next motherfucking mayor. Get used to it, assholes." Oh, believe me: Given the opportunity, we will, we absolutely will. [FK]

Rahm Emanuel to Leave Motherfu**ing White House at End of G*damn Week

ABC News' Jake Tapper is reporting that White House chief of staff Rahm "Special (Linguistic) Olympian" Emanuel is likely to leave his esteemed position as Barack Obama's chief-of-staff by the end of the week to explore a run as the mayor of Chicago, where his experience as a verbal gymnast makes him uniquely suited for office in that state. [FK]

Best of the Rod Blagojevich Tapes: "You Russian Motherfuc*ers."

‚ÄčThe disgraced former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, is a monumental dumbass. Not that you didn't already understand this from his appearance on NBC's reality television trainwreck I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, but yeah, this guy had his phone wiretapped by the FBI, and -- as Vanity Fair's Juli Weiner points out via the Chicago Tribune, then proceeded to say stupidly, absurdly incriminating things to former Illinois deputy governor Doug Scofield. For example:

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Egg-Shaped Japanese Anime Creature Now Enjoying Benefits of Chicago Public Transit

My neighbor Totoro becomes a commuter. on Twitpic_1277915804833.png
Following in New York's great tradition of Sad Pandas or Club Animals riding the subway -- and also somehow managing to be one of the more inconspicuous commuters in this city, because, uh, this is New York -- it would appear Chicago's resident Egg-Shaped Japanese Anime Creatures With Ears are now enjoying the benefits of public transportation.

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