Not Bongo

​In Park Slope, a couple is desperate. A parenting nightmare has become their own -- where, oh where, is their monkey doll, Bongo? Bonni Marcus and Jack Zinzi lost Bongo, who is, yes, a stuffed monkey doll, on Sunday night at around 7 p.m. as they headed to El Viejo Yayo, a restaurant on Fifth Avenue. He was there, and then he wasn't, reports the Brooklyn Paper, which is taking the case of missing Bongo very seriously.

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​There is an article in the New York Post today that sheds light on an important issue facing Manhattan women -- specifically, Manhattan women with babies. The Post dubs it "Mommyrexia." Adorable, right? Unfortunately, mommyrexia is not the fear of being a mom; no, it is the fear of being a FAT MOM. Because that would be a fate worse than death. Which, actually, mostly just sounds like anorexia.

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​The Botox mom, a/k/a Kerry Campbell, a/k/a the woman who gave her eight-year-old daughter Botox and "virgin waxes" to prevent hair from growing "down there" and basically make her a better pageant contender, feels very sorry (as she should) that her daughter was taken out of her custody after Campbell appeared on the morning show circuit to talk all about the Botox, etc., and was then unceremoniously trashed by the American parenting public. Thus, she has taken to The Sun, where all this trouble started (it's there that she initially told her tale of child-Botoxing) to explain that she is incredibly remorseful, and will get therapy for her looks-obsession.

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​Exciting news for the children of China: Walt Disney Co. and its Chinese government friends have finally broken ground on Shanghai Disneyland, reports the Wall Street Journal. The "Disneyland" portion is just part of what will be a $4.4 billion resort with hotels, shops, restaurants, and everything a person could ever want, because after all, it's Disney! Everyone wants to go to Disneyland! Despite that, it took over a decade to get the Chinese government to agree to this.

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​There's been kind of a run on kindergarten this year, with more kids wait-listed than ever. This is extremely stressful, leading to parenting behavior that's more crazy than ever. Not only are parents trying to get their kids into schools through a variety of creative ruses and outright lies (because not getting in the right kindergarten could totally destroy your kid's chance at ever having a successful life), but also, citizen narcs are seeking out these liars and con artists and busting them!

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Britney and Mom, via The Sun

​I'd suggest we take this story with a grain of salt, though who wants even a grain of salt to dilute any of the Internet crowd-rage related to this story? Britain's The Sun tells the tale of the worst mom of all pushy, awful stage moms, a mom who is, without a hint of regret or self-doubt, if this is all to be believed, making her 8-year-old daughter into a Botox-ridden, be-waxed little monster so that Daughter can grow up to the inevitable superstardom that Mom really deserves. Alas, the little girl's superstar turn may well be limited to appearing in Britain's The Sun at the age of eight.

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No fun at preschool!

​Getting your kid into a decent preschool, with "decent" dependent on a certain set of socioeconomic, cultural, and often status-based "ideals," has long been a harrowing, horrible New York City tradition. Enough so that British publication the Daily Mail, writing about the most recent case of New York City "preschool insanity," actually used a clip from the more than 20-year-old film Baby Boom to depict said insanity. The Daily Mail was referring to the current case of a mom who has sued her kid's preschool because it may have irreparably compromised her four-year-old's chances at getting into an Ivy League college.

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This baby seems okay with it. [via frohrn/flickr ]

​Say you're a flight attendant. Say there's a kid, and his dad, and they're on your plane playing a fun little game of peek-a-boo. And so you try to help out, putting the kid in the overhead compartment, because that's what you do, put things in the overhead compartment and make sure those things fit and the compartment can close. And sometimes you move things around for a better fit, perhaps to include something about the size of a small suitcase, or a kid. And then you close it again. That's your job! You do it with a smile, because you have been well trained, and you are nothing if not a consummate professional.

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​The Walt Disney Company is angling to start kids even earlier on the Disney brand (and take a slice of the $36.3 billion baby-market pie) with a program called Disney Baby, in which representatives visit new moms in U.S. maternity hospitals and give them free Disney Cuddly Bodysuits, which are basically Disney-branded Onesies. In the visit, reports the New York Times, the reps also ask moms to sign up for DisneyBaby.com email alerts, thereby starting what they hope will be a longstanding and profitable relationship. Own the baby, own the mother, so to speak.

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​Babies are supposed to be cute and chubby, the perfect size for stashing in medium-sized flowerpots! There's a reason the phrase "baby fat" exists as its own pudginess qualifier, and it's also why there's no need to categorize "adult fat." Adult fat = bad. Baby fat = good. To a point. But as we trend toward an increasingly obese, and obesity-paranoid, society, chubby babies have come under fire as a new scourge of these modern times.

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