State Senator Calls de Blasio's IDs for Undocumented Immigrants A "Terrorist Empowerment Act"

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State Senator Greg Ball, male, center, at a senior citizen's luncheon just after he issued the "terrorist" press release.
Earlier this week, new mayor Bill de Blasio's State of the City address set some pretty ambitious policy goals: he promised to set a new minimum wage in the city, presumably higher than New York state's, talked a lot about social inequality, and, most attention-gettingly, he promised to make municipal identification cards available to everyone , even undocumented immigrants.

"To all of my fellow New Yorkers who are undocumented, I say: New York City is your home, too," de Blasio said, announcing the plan, "and we will not force any of our residents to live their lives in the shadows."

It remains to be seen if or when de Blasio will actually implement the municipal ID plan, which would make it possible for undocumented people to do things like rent apartments and get library cards. We were surprised, though, to see that no political trolls immediately leapt out of the woodwork to criticize the plan, perhaps by making some hyperventilating, grandiose statement about terrorism and generous use of the word "illegals."

But now, after two long days, our wait is over. May we introduce State Senator Greg Ball?

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Rep. Michael Grimm's Office Break-In Not Quite Watergate; Just an 8th Grader Who Broke a Window

Not quite...
Congressman Michael Grimm's Staten Island campaign office was "broken into" over the weekend in what the congressman initially suspected to be a Watergate-esque scandal presumably perpetrated by the cronies of his opponent in this year's election.

Not quite -- it was just an eighth-grader who broke a window.

The NYPD says today that an eighth-grader at a Staten Island junior high school told a school counselor that he and a friend broke the window. The boy, who has not been identified, has been charged with criminal mischief.

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S.I. Borough Prez James Molinaro Thinks Lady Gaga's a "Slut." And He's Right

James Molinaro is unintentionally correct in his assessment that Lady Gaga is a slut.
Lady Gaga recently smoked a joint on stage during a concert in Amsterdam -- which makes her a "slut," according to Staten Island Borough President James Molinaro.

"To me, she's not an actress, she is a slut in the pure, in the pure meaning of the word," the BP said last night at an event kicking off one of his anti-drug programs (see video here).

So, not only is Gaga a "slut," she's a slut in the "pure meaning of the word," which technically makes Molinaro right. Granted, he's still an asshole, but his being a linguistic purist technically makes him unintentionally correct in his assessment of Gaga.

The contemporary meaning of the word "slut" typically is used to describe someone who has indiscriminate sex with several, several people. But if Molinaro wants to get pure, let's get pure -- by examining the etymology of the word.

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Mother Jones Releases Full Secret Video From Mitt Romney's May Fundraiser

Yesterday, Mitt Romney's presidential campaign took a hit when David Corn from Mother Jones released a video, shot in May, of the candidate's private fundraisers in which he said:

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what...These are people who pay no income tax.

This wasn't a gaffe. The problem with the statement is not only that he alienated half the country with a single sound bite, but that it's a succinct representation of the GOP view of the country since the rise of the Tea Party. He's saying that all entitled freeloaders are Democrats, and that all Democrats are entitled freeloaders. People were pissed off. People were calling it the end of the campaign.

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Charlie Rangel, Legendary Tax Cheat, Lectures Mitt Romney On Paying Taxes

This is Congressman Charlie Rangel relaxing at the rental property he owns (but doesn't pay taxes on) in the Dominican Republic. Hello, Pot -- meet kettle.

Say what you will about Mitt Romney's dopey comments that 47-percent of Americans are basically free-loading schlubs, but the last person -- literally, the absolute last person -- who should ever chime in on the issue is legendary tax cheat/New York Congressman Charlie Rangel.

But guess who chimed in on Romney's comments -- legendary tax cheat/New York Congressman Charlie Rangel.

Under the headline "Rangel to Romney: Americans Pay Their Fair Share Of Taxes, Unlike You," Rangel -- again, a Congressionally censured tax cheat -- says the following:

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Shelly Silver Rambles His Way Through DNC Speech, Gets "The Hook" *VIDEO*

Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver: bad at announcing convention delegates, even worse at investigating sexual misconduct allegations.
On the bright side, as horrible as Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver is at assigning delegates at political conventions, he's not as bad at that as he is at investigating allegations of sexual misconduct. So he's got that going for him.

Silver yesterday had the official duty of announcing that all of New York's 384 delegates to the Democratic National Convention would be casting their votes for President Barack Obama in this year's presidential election. He managed to blow what is traditionally a speech that is impossible to blow.

Typically, those who announce a state's delegates at a political convention just say a few nice things about their state, announce the delegate count, and have a seat. Silver, however, dropped every Democratic name in New York State politics, rambled a bit, and was essentially told by convention organizers "enough already."

See the video of Silver's speech -- compliments of Jimmy Vielkind at the Albany Times Union -- below (the speaker's speech jumps the shark at about 2:20).

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Congresswoman Yvette Clarke On The 1898 Dutch Enslavement Of Brooklyn (That Never Actually Happened)

Congresswoman Yvette Clarke weighed in on the Dutch enslavement of Brooklyn last night. Only problem is, that never actually happened.

Democratic Brooklyn Congresswoman Yvette Clarke attempted to re-write history last night during an appearance on the Colbert Report, during which she struggled with the details of hypothetical time travel and then claimed that slavery existed in Brooklyn in 1898, where the Dutch kept people in bondage more than 30 years after the Civil War.

Then, after ironing out the details of the aforementioned hypothetical time travel, she decided -- after some lengthy internal debate -- that if she were around in the 1930s and 1940s, she probably would have tried to stop World War II.

Good call, congresswoman.

The whole thing was dizzying, and would be hilarious -- if the Dutch hadn't lost control of New York in the 1660s, slavery hadn't ended in the United States in 1865, and -- most importantly -- Clarke wasn't a sitting congresswoman.

Clarke's office didn't immediately respond to our request for an explanation of her take on history -- and time travel.

See the video of Clarke's history lesson after the jump.

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Defying Silver: Assembly Wannabe Frank Commisso's Cojones Could Spell Political Suicide

Democratic Assembly wannabe Frank Commisso isn't afraid of Shelly Silver -- even though he probably should be.
Frank Commisso Jr. currently serves on the Albany Common Council representing the city's 15th Ward. He's also running for Assembly as a Democrat -- and may have just committed political suicide.

Enter Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, one of the most powerful politicians in New York, who currently is catching some of the shrapnel from the Vito Lopez sex scandal -- as we've chronicled, Silver swept allegations of sexual misconduct by Lopez under the rug by paying off two alleged victims with more than $130,000 in taxpayer money, which Commisso finds to be about as appalling as we do.

So, the wannabe lawmaker announced today that if he's elected to the Assembly, he will not support Silver for another term as speaker -- which makes him the only Democrat to even acknowledge that his party's uber-powerful leader handles sex abuse cases about as well as the Catholic Church.

Further reading on Lopez's pervy-ness:

Vito Lopez In Sex And The Assembly: How To Sweep A Scandal Under The Rug

Ladies, Assemblyman Vito Lopez Would Prefer You Not Wear A Bra To Work

Vito Lopez's Pervy-ness Cost Taxpayers $103,000 -- Thanks To Shelly Silver

Gloria Allred, NOW Have Shelly Silver In Sights Over Hush Money

Here's The Letter Shelly Silver Sent Assemblyman Vito Lopez

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Rudy Giuliani Still Hates "Cranky Old Man" Ron Paul and Admits he Doesn't Know if Obama is Anti-American in Quasi-Awesome Interview

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Earlier today, New York's former mayor Rudy Giuliani sat down at the Daily Beast tent at the Republican National Convention to talk politics. Our boy did not disappoint, and the interview, which lasted a little over ten minutes, quickly descended into a perverted game of "fuck, kill, marry." (Giuliani does not want to fuck Ron Paul.)

"I don't get it," he said about the young contingent of voters who still support Ron Paul, Giuliani's old political foe. "I just think they tune out, or they don't understand, or they weren't educated properly.

"I think he's a kook," he admitted. "I think he's a kook, I do." Paul's politics clash strongly with Giuliani's, because Paul had said multiple times that if he'd been president, 3,000 people who died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks would still be alive. Giuliani, if you remember, was the city's mayor at the time. He took the veiled insults to heart.

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Arizona Pol: Middle Easterners Look Like Mexicans And Don't Belong Here "Legally Or Illegally"

This is Gabriela Saucedo Mercer. She's running for Congress in Arizona. She also thinks Middle Easterners look like Mexicans and she doesn't want them in the U.S.

Arizona is known for a few things: the Grand Canyon, its beautiful sunsets...and for having some of the dopiest, gun-loving, hillbilly politicians in the entire country.

Enter Arizona Congressional candidate Gabriela Saucedo Mercer, who said in a recent interview that A) Middle Easterners look like Mexicans, and B) she doesn't want them in the country "legally or illegally."

Even worse: there's video -- which you can see below.

Saucedo Mercer, a Hispanic immigrant who became a citizen in 1991, has the backing of the Tea Party and the state's foot-in-mouth governor, GED Jan Brewer.

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