Calm Down -- You Probably Won't Be Murdered By Brooklyn's New Serial Killer

Don't worry -- this guy probably isn't going to kill you.
There's a serial killer in Brooklyn, which means one thing: time to freak out. But while you're freaking out -- and, admittedly, we are, too -- keep in mind that you're probably more likely to get hit by lightning than get murdered by a ruthless serial killer.

The so-called "Crazy 8 Killer" has struck three times since July. Each murder happened at a Brooklyn business with the number 8 in its address. In each case, the killer murdered a Middle Eastern business owner with the same .22-caliber pistol before -- in some cases -- stabbing them and covering their bodies with clothes.

If you're a Middle Easterner, and own a business that has an 8 in the address, feel free to freak out. As for the rest of us, the odds are in our favor that we'll be just fine.

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SUNY Ready For Non-Existent Bomb Threat

Categories: Relax

There were bomb threats made today at university campuses in Texas and North Dakota. There were no bomb threats made in New York -- but Governor Andrew Cuomo isn't gonna miss a prime opportunity to freak people out.

In response to the threats on the other side of the country, Cuomo issued a statement this afternoon announcing that the State University of New York has elevated security to deal with any potential -- but completely non-existent -- bomb threats.

His plan to step up security is as follows: wait for bomb threats and then act accordingly.

Other non-existent bomb threats have been made at every other university in the country -- with the exceptions of the University of Texas and North Dakota State University, where there were actual bomb threats.

See Cuomo's statement below.

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Relax, New York -- Your Kids Probably Aren't Getting Drunk On Hand Sanitizers

Categories: California, Relax

There's good news, New York: despite what the Internet wants you to believe, your kids probably aren't getting shitfaced off hand sanitizers.

We didn't say they're not getting shitfaced, just that they're doing it the old fashion way and aren't part of the current "trend" of teenagers using sanitation products to get drunk.

The national media has jumped on a story out of California about an alarming number of kids getting alcohol poisoning from ingesting hand sanitizers. Health officials in New York, however, tell the Voice that if kids using hand sanitizers to get drunk is a trend, it's not one that's found its way to the Empire State -- that they know of, anyway.

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