O, The Oprah Magazine, via USA Today

​OMG. OMG. OMG. Oprah, yeah, that Oprah, is letting us glimpse into her very personal Oprah world to see what the budding Oprah, she who would be the Oprah that we all know and love, was about! She has shared five whole pages from her "hand-written" (how else would they be written?) extra personal secret-time special-lady journals, publishing them in the April issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. In them, she gives us some totally PG stuff about her first boyfriend --

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​Oprah, Oprah, Oprah. Can you make us love you more? Just like us, Oprah struggles with desires and ambitions and delicious foodstuffs. Just like us, Oprah has power and charisma. And just like us, Oprah has longheld deeply buried family secrets! Unlike us, however, Oprah has a TV show, upon which she revealed a whopper today: She has a half-sister named Patricia who had long been kept a secret by Oprah's mother, who put her up for adoption at birth.

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via New York Times

​The New York Times has a cute little piece on how the folks of Rhinebeck, New York -- widely believed to be the location of Chelsea Clinton's July 31 wedding -- have been rudely shushed by confidentiality agreements about anything having to do with the Clinton-Mezvinsky nupts.

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original photo via The New York Post

​A Post photographer busted two MTA employees for snoozing on the job, and as always, the paper couldn't resist an especially great lead sentence zinger, "All aboard the Zzzzzz train!" with the accompanying photo caption "Noddy, noddy."

But that's not to take away from the paper's actual coup: A photog caught Frank Ryan and Robert Malandrino nestling into their cars for a two-hour snooze when they should have been fixing broken subway cars.

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​What's up today with sexy Russian spy Anna Chapman? Glad you asked. As she's kept isolated in a cell in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, the New York Post reveals that even British royals may not have been immune to her "sexy secret-agent wiles." Queen Elizabeth II, who's gallivanting about in the New York City heat today, must be positively lobster-faced under her hat!

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​The New York Post's Sheila McClear reported this morning on how Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker kept $4,680 worth of cocktail glasses and at least one $9,000 dress from the set of Sex and the City 2: Fashion Fatwa. McClear then asks while SJP doesn't just write a check for the goods when she can obviously - very easily - afford them. And why?

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Photo by Brandon K. Thorp

Rekers manhandles the luggage at Miami International while his escort waits patiently.

​There are certain truths you can count on in life. What goes up must come down. Drinking copiously and often will age you before your time, but who wants to live that long anyway? And, the Baptist ministers who are also prominent anti-gay activists and hardcore right-wing nut jobs are almost always in the market for a little boy-on-boy fun time.

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​Last week's series on Scientology by Anderson Cooper was so effective at lulling us to sleep, we overlooked a nice pick-me-up from, of all places, the National Enquirer.

How's this for a time-release bomb? Jason (My Name Is Earl) Lee divorced actress Carmen Llywellyn in 2001, but only now is she coming forward with some fairly entertaining dirt about Lee, a Scientologist, and his celebrity Scientologist friends.

Llywellyn tells the Enquirer that she's trying to stay far away from L. Ron Hubbard's wacky cabal since she divorced Lee:

"If I see a Scientologist now, I cross the street. I was shopping recently when (Dharma & Greg star) Jenna Elfman, who's a staunch Scientologist, approached me. She spouted statements like a robot and treated me like dirt because she knew I'd broken free."

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​The Pentagon really, really, really hates Wikileaks, a website devoted to publishing internal documents. Also, it thinks they might be funded by the CIA, and is generally a threat to America's safety. They released an entire report on it in 2008. Maybe it's got something to do with the leak of internal documents that detailed the abuse at Guantanamo Bay. Or that they're publishing weapons documentation and military strategy plans. Or maybe it's because branches of government like the Pentagon aren't huge fans of Amnesty International, who gave them an award last year. Wikileaks even pissed off the governments of North Korea and Thailand! All of which goes without saying, this will only make people want to read Wikileaks even more. [NYT]