Bloomberg Gets in Everybody's Pants This Week

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Likes big butts; cannot lie.
Today, Bloomberg becomes the first mayor to lay claim to a sixth borough: the supple flesh hidden beneath our pants.

Oh yes, there's nothing like a good body part to get our outgoing mayor's juices flowing. A New York magazine feature on his possible replacement, Christine Quinn, was completely overshadowed by a comment Bloomberg made to the reporter while admiring a party guest: "Look at the ass on her."

Earlier this morning, Bloomberg proved that he's an equal-opportunity objectifier, complimenting Joe Biden on his fleshy bits: "You know, Joe Biden, you can joke about him all you want, he's got a set of balls and says what he believes," the mayor told Politico, regarding the vice president's supportive comments about gay marriage last year.

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The Greatest Sex Scene Ever Written: Failure And Success In The Age Of Unlimited Porno

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Consider this literary sex scene: "A spaceship crashes with two midgets that get split up. The blonde one walks around until she finds a farm where she rests and masturbates."

In reality, that quote is literary only in that somebody went to the trouble of writing it down--it's actually an excerpt from the liner notes for "Two Midget Aliens" (really NSFW, that link), a 15-minute porno about, you know, two midget aliens having sex and stuff. It is, however, illustrative of an important literary point, which is that John Heilpern is dead wrong about sex. At least in a literary sense.

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Gawker, Daily Mail Re-Tell 10-Year-Old Blowjob Story. Yes, Ladies: Blowjobs Will Still Make You Happy

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Gentlemen: this is Professor Gordon Gallup. Because of him, whenever your girlfriend is in a bad mood, you can say "maybe giving me a blowjob will make you feel better" and have science to back you up.
Gentlemen: we all owe State University of New York researcher Gordon Gallup a big-time "thank you" -- albeit a decade late.

Websites like Gawker and the Daily Mail are "reporting" today that Gallup has successfully proven what many of us have been telling women since the beginning of time: giving blowjobs will make you happy. Subsequently, they also make men pretty happy, so it's really a win-win.

Only problem is, Gallup proved this 10 years ago, and it's been written about -- at length -- ever since.

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Sex With Sleeping Woman Isn't Rape, Just "Bad Manners" -- According To British MP

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Wikimedia Commons
British MP George Galloway: having sex with a sleeping woman is "bad sexual etiquette."

It's officially "Make Stupid Comments About Rape Week" for politicians, and the festivities have jumped across the pond to Great Britain, where folks are known for their impeccable manners -- and a member of Parliament recently said that having sex with a woman while she sleeps isn't rape, it's just "bad sexual etiquette."

British MP George Galloway goes further, noting that "not everybody needs to be asked prior to each insertion."

There are simply no words...

Galloway made his comments during an episode of the MP's "Good Night" podcast while discussing allegations of sexual abuse against WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange last week.

Below is the full text:

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Oral Sex: How To Stay Safer

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Most Americans ages 15-24 -- some 66 percent -- have had oral sex, the Centers for Disease Control reports. But that's actually less than in the past.

A reason young people have oral sex is because they don't want a kid, the CDC notes. However, a lot of young people also don't realize that oral sex -- though it doesn't carry pregnancy risks -- can still transmit disease, like throat gonorrhea and HIV.

Since telling people not to have sex doesn't help them if they do decide to have sex -- no matter what kind -- here's some info on how to make oral sex safer.

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11 Reasons You Should Never Fuck a WRITER

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In our concrete jungle, few species of humans are as ubiquitous and dangerous as WRITERS.

Not to be confused with writers, WRITERS are a breed best characterized by their habitat (over-priced speakeasies) and their method of stalking romantic prey ("I mean, I want to write a sitcom.") Though it is very likely you will encounter WRITERS in the wild -- say, scribbling in a Moleskine at Cafe Loup or dozing in your writing workshop -- do not approach WRITER.

They might appear charming -- seductively brooding, with an endless supply of backhanded compliments -- and might even offer to buy you a drink, but WRITERS are actually dangerous animals. As lovers, they are emotionally damaging and must be avoided at all costs.

So, here are 11 reasons why you should never fuck a WRITER:

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Oh Yes! Trojan To Give Away Free Vibrators!

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Talk about good vibrations...

Trojan Company, best known for its condoms, is going to give away 10,000 free vibrators from two hot dog carts Wednesday and Thursday.

One of the "Pleasure Carts" is going to be parked in the Meatpacking District, on 14th Street and Tenth Avenue -- while the other will be stationed in the East Village -- on Third Avenue between 12th and 14th Streets.

The company promises to hit all of the city's "hot spots" during the giveaway.

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Does Dan Savage Think It's OK To Reward Weight Loss With Sex?

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It's Wednesday. Have you read Dan's new column yet?
In this week's Savage Love, which you can read here, Dan answers a couple of questions ranging from disabled "devotee" trust issues to polyamorous relationships to spousal weight gain.

Let's talk about that last one because, boy, it's a doozy!

A woman writes in to Savage, explaining that after three years of marriage, she and her husband just don't get it on as much as they used to.

"A big part of the problem: In the time we've been together, he's put on a lot of weight," she says. "I'm not looking to blame his weight gain for my libido issues. I just need to shut up and put out more, and I'm working on that."

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Does Sex Lead to Love?

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Bow chicka wow wowzer: a new study suggests that sex can lead to love.

Yes, you read that correctly.

As Jezebel's insightful Lindy West explains, researchers mapped the parts of the brain "stimulated by feelings of love and by feelings of sexual arousal."

What they found?

As per MSNBC: "What they discovered was a bit surprising -- love and sexual desire both activate the striatum, showing a continuum from sexual desire to love. Each feeling impacts a different area of the striatum."

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Dating Is Dead, But Blowjobs Are Very Much Alive, Says Sexpert

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With the recent publication of The Gaggle, Jessica Massa and Rebecca Wiegand's multimedia project-turned-movie-turned book -- as well as other zeitgeisty pieces on the decline of marriage and rise of singledom -- there has been a lot of talk about the death of dating.

The other day, we were chatting about this with Dr. Justin R. Garcia, an evolutionary biologist and sexologist at the Kinsey Institute. He said that a lot of these changes in courtship and dating can be tracked in college hookup culture, which he has studied extensively. We got a chance to talk to him a little bit more today about what he has found in his research.

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