Deli Wins 'Instant Heart Attack' Sandwich Suit; High Cholesterol Ensues

God Bless America
If you walk into the Second Avenue Deli - a kosher eatery that relocated from the East Village, when it actually was on 2nd Avenue, to Midtown - with $24.95 in your wallet, you'll have just enough moolah to buy a little snack called the 'Instant Heart Attack.' The 804-calorie towering sandwich, made up of sliced pastrami and fried potato latkes, is like the Tim Tebow at Carnegie Deli - a symbol of food excess that tastes delicious all the way to the doctor. Except the one at Second Avenue faced a bit of a legal problem.

Enter The Heart Attack Grill. This properly-named Las Vegas joint opened in 2005 and, to describe it in a nutshell, the website for the restaurant has a banner that says "Fight Anorexia!" and a sign that showcases its Guinness World Record for the Grill's healthy serving known as the Quadruple Bypass Burger. So that's the image it's going for - a cholesterol-laden reputation that it was willing to sue the Second Avenue Deli over.

Unfortunately for the Grill, the suit was brought here to New York, where we take our food very, very seriously. For that reason, a Manhattan judge decided yesterday to let the Second Avenue Deli continue to sell the calories, handing owner Jack Lebewohl a victory over his Vegas rivals.

A trademark infringement case over a sandwich called the 'Instant Heart Attack'... God bless America.

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Dinosaurs in NYC! U.S. Government Seizes T-Rex Remains From Florida Man

Sometimes, on a beautiful Saturday, we find a story like this that makes the day even better.

This past week, the head paleontologist at the Museum of Natural History, Mark Norell, noticed a small auction with a listing that should have probably not been there. The auction item was a 11-million-year-old skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus bataar - a creature from the Cretaceous Period that was discovered for the first time in the Gobi Desert by the Soviets in the 1940s.

 It is 8 feet tall, 24 feet long and somehow found itself in the hands of a Florida man who described himself as a "commercial paleontologist," similar to the guy who thought Jurassic Park was a good idea.

Norell notified the U.S. government of his finding and, when an anonymous bidder bought the skeleton for a $1.052 million, authorities swept in and put the transaction on hold. Now, the remains of "Ty" - the dinosaur's clever nickname - are being held in crates in some unknown Queens locations. It will soon be shipped back to its home in Mongolia - a move praised by the country's President, Elbegdorj Tsakshia. Eric Prokopki told authorities that he obtained the specimen in a legal manner but that opinion runs in contrast to the opinions of several professional paleontologists who examined the remains this week.

Yeah, so that's what happening right now in New York City.
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Pack It In, Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown: the Gay Marriage Debate is Over

When you've lost the likes of Prop 8 proponent David Blankenhorn, Jutice Anthony Kennedy can't be far behind. Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown of the National Organization for Marriage can't recover from this.

Blankenhorn, who once staunchly fought to take gay marriage away from LGBT Californians, wrote today in the New York Times that he's changed his mind.

His astonishing Op-Ed includes an admission that:

"to my deep regret, much of the opposition to gay marriage seems to stem, at least in part, from an underlying anti-gay animus. To me, a Southerner by birth whose formative moral experience was the civil rights movement, this fact is profoundly disturbing."

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Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum: Who Is The Bigger Right-Winger?

In terms of his political views, Mitt Romney has heard it all: flip-flopper, moderate, secret liberal, pseudo-conservative, Etch-A-Sketch; the list goes on and on. Republican voters have had a rather excessively hard time throwing their support behind a guy who influenced Obamacare and was pro-choice at one point in the past millennium.

There is only one group of people that is completely convinced that Romney -- not Rick Santorum -- is the true conservative candidate. But this group isn't even voting for him.

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Slave Plantation Hawks "Day of Pure Chocolate Indulgence At Monticello," Proudly Extolls "Chocolate Was a Favorite of Jefferson's"

Straight from the files of "Historical Shit That Can't Be Made Up," we woke up this morning to a pretty unbelievable email from the Thomas Jefferson Foundation with the subject line, "Taste: Chocolate at Monticello."

Oh my, we thought, before opening it. Surely someone in TJ's PR office might be sensitive to and knowledgeable enough of, er, certain Jefferson proclivities to be wary of harping about his "taste" for chocolate!?

Apparently not.

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Rick Perry: There is Not One Non-White Person in America. (Also, Rick Santorum is a Pig!)

Usually, the advisors of even the most aging white male Republican candidate will pay some crude lip service to the idea of a multi-culti America. Not Rick Perry, though; we've watched his latest video "America is Caling" through a couple of times, and from what we can see, there is not one non-white person in all of America, from New York harbor's Statue of Liberty, to the midwest's amber waves of grain.

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Bronx Gay Center Moving Into The Reverend Ruben Diaz Gardens Building

Diaz thumbnail.png
C.S. Muncy
Maybe Diaz will bring NOM's Brian Brown as his date to the opening of the Bronx gay center?
Today we got a press release from the Bronx Community Pride Center announcing that they are moving out of their run-down building in Mott Haven and into swanky new digs in Hunts Point/Longwood in a facility called...The Reverend Ruben Diaz Gardens Building.

Yes, you read that right, and we admit we had to pick ourselves off the floor laughing after reading this. But yes, a gay community center is in fact moving into a building named for that Ruben Diaz.

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Sara Romanoski, Woman Who Spilled Wine on Glenn Beck, Tells Her Side

You may have heard that someone spilled wine on Glenn Beck's wife Monday evening in Bryant Park. Sara Romanoski, a 25-year-old Manhattanite with a penchant for Hitchcock movies, is the culprit. Surprisingly, though Beck has wept about it and many have written about it, no one has bothered to actually speak to the klutz holding the glass spilled 'round the world.

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Male Fertility Determined by Size of Taint

The more we know, the less we want to. But here goes: "It turns out it's not penis size that's significant, but the length as measured from the anus to underneath the scrotum, known as anogenital distance, or AGD, according to research published this month in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives." The average taint is about 2 inches; a guy with a shorter one has a seven times greater chance of fertility problems. Of course, as with anything, moderation is probably key. Reproduction-inclined ladies, take note. [Time, Gawker]

Next-Level Grandma Gives Birth to Own Grandchild

For some reason, this concept -- "grandmother gives birth to own grandchild" -- makes me think of Russian nesting dolls. But that's not actually how this went down. What happened is that 61-year-old Chicagoan Kristine Casey was a surrogate for her daughter Sara's baby.

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