Say 'I Love You' to Your Valentine With the Best Bad Taxidermy Craigslist Has to Offer

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Via Craigslist
If you're like a lot of curmudgeonly New Yorkers, your general attitude toward Valentine's Day is a mixture of deep disdain for the commercial event and barely contained rage that all of the good restaurants are about to basically be closed on a Saturday night. If you're one of the lucky ones who snapped up a blizzard sex friend and somehow managed to sustain things through the pseudo-holiday, you might be looking for a tchotchke that says "You'll do." Luckily, the Craigslist well runs deep, and if these gift suggestions are any indication, romance is definitely dead (and possibly taxidermied in someone's apartment).


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This New Jersey Strip Club Can Be Yours for Just $850,000 on Craigslist

Categories: Shopping

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Via Craigslist
Every day, another app pops up to "disrupt" something painfully simple (like peeing). Invariably, the app goes public and, eventually, nets its child overlord enough cash to buy some seriously stupid shit. Sadly for our collective schadenfreude, not nearly enough of them are going full Kenny Powers with this new purchasing power. Luckily, the good people of New York Craigslist are here to help. Here's a handful of over-the-top expensive and totally unnecessary stuff that New Yorkers are offloading on the internet. Newly minted Box millionaires, take note: This is how you really make a splash.

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Here Are the Most Bizarre Nudes of New York Craigslist

Categories: Shopping

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Via Craigslist
These days, it seems like you can't open an app without getting slapped in the eyeballs by someone's boner (artfully framed by a messy bedroom and a housecat or two). Prurient New Yorkers know that not all n00ds are created equal — and the selection of sexy goods they're selling reflects the taste and refinement for which this great city is known. You can pretty much guarantee that at any given moment, some New Yorker is preparing to sell something involving the naked human form. Here are some of the best currently available.

See also: Here are Some of the Most Bizarre Religious Items New Yorkers Are Selling Online

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Here Are Some of the Most Bizarre Religious Items New Yorkers Are Selling Online

Categories: Shopping

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Via Craigslist
We're in Existential Crisis season — that bleak miserable stretch between the holidays and the return of liveable weather — which drives many to drink heavily, diet aggressively, or, in some cases, find religion. As it turns out, you don't have to go to church to be Saved — plenty of New Yorkers (and other internet vendors) will sell you a little religion for your filthy cash. Finally, your own personal Jesus.

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New Yorkers Are Selling an Inordinate Amount of Creepy Baby Art Online

Categories: Shopping

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Via eBay
2015 has arrived, and while some people may see "Baby New Year" as the hopeful emblem of a fresh start, it's kind of unsettling that we choose to symbolize the next 365 days with a helpless and hairless semi-formed human. Regardless of which camp you're in, here are several disturbing baby-themed mementos that New Yorkers are hawking on the internet. Buy these now, because the only bundle of joy in your life shouldn't be your latest Seamless order.

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The Aftermarket for Celebrity Statues in New York Is Robust and a Little Strange

Categories: Shopping

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People (particularly the ones who don't live here) like to carp about New York being the loneliest place in the world, despite its being packed by millions. While there may be a tiny shred of truth to this, any New Yorker worth his or her salt knows that everybody is terrible. People, it turns out, generally tend to be the worst.

Some New Yorkers have decided to take matters into their own hands and create life-sized replicas of people -- famous ones, at that! -- without all of the annoying things that typically make them suck. Specifically, they're statues of dead celebrities that are unable to walk, talk, or be awful. But just like the real thing, eventually we tire of the human replicas in our lives. Thankfully, we don't have to figure out how to awkwardly avoid them or push them away. Once we're sick of them, we can just try to sell them. And right now, several New Yorkers are in the process of doing just that. Here are a few of them.

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Hot NYC Souvenirs on Craigslist: Dead Rats, Bacteria, and a Giant Middle Finger

Categories: Shopping

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Via Craigslist
Welcome to New York.
Summer tourist season, thankfully, ended months ago. But the holiday season is now in full swing, bringing with it swarms of slow-walkers and gawkers who are descending upon the city daily. They're here to take cheerful selfies at ground zero, see Wicked, and spend their hard-earned cash on foam Lady Liberty crowns and shockingly affordable Vuitton luggage. The authentic New York experience.

They're also here to buy souvenirs. And buy they will. But if they want a piece of real New York to take home with them, they should have a look at what real New Yorkers have to sell. And it turns out that real New Yorkers are willing to part with just about anything. Here are five souvenirs that are more authentically New York than any key chain, mug, or "New York Shitty" T-shirt you can buy in Times Square:

See also: Hillary Clinton's Head and 9 Other Online Items You Must Buy Immediately

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Hillary Clinton's Head and 9 Other Cyber Monday Gift Ideas You Must Buy Immediately

Categories: Holidays, Shopping

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Pinky Guest
The price on Hillary Clinton's head is a cool 10 bucks.
So you powered through another Thanksgiving with nothing to show for it but a low-level hangover, snug AF pants, and some "educational" brochures from your creationist cousin. Now you probably have 30 tabs open looking for a better deal on a personal drone that your dad will use once and then throw in the junk room (a/k/a your childhood bedroom). But you needn't waste your time perusing Amazon, Best Buy, and Walmart's online sales to find the best bang for your holiday buck. It turns out New Yorkers have a ton of shit they want to get rid of. And it's a helluva lot more interesting than anything considered among the hottest holiday gift trends for 2014. So here's the first official Village Voice Cyber Monday Shopping Guide for People Looking for Other People's Unwanted Treasures:

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Dunkin Donuts, Subway, and Other Chains Continue Their Insidious Creep Across the City, But Slower Than Before

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Flickr/Rupert Ganzer
Sigh.
From our old spot at Cooper Square, we could see it, looming green and white and weirdly shiny, like an enormous toilet with corndogs swirling inside it: the 7-Eleven, which touched down on St. Marks Place in April 2012 to general dismay and a little window-smashin'. Now that 7-Eleven has disappeared, as East Village blog EV Grieve was first to report.

It's not much, the disappearance of one 7-Eleven. But it's a symbol of something larger, according to the newest "State of the Chains" report from the Center for an Urban Future, a think tank that studies economic issues. This is their sixth year surveying the number of chain stores across the five boroughs, and report author Christian Gonzalez-Rivera found something surprising. Although the overall number of chain stores grew this year, as it has for the previous five, "the expansion of chain stores across the city slowed considerably," Gonzalez-Rivera writes. There was only a 0.5 percent increase in the number of chain stores that opened locations in New York in 2013, the smallest increase the center has seen since they began the study. So, progress?

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Report Commissioned by Barneys Says Barneys Did Nothing Wrong In Alleged "Shop and Frisk" Incidents

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Image via Facebook
Trayon Christian
At the end of last month, luxury department store Barneys found itself facing the wrong kind of publicity, when a black teenager named Trayon Christian said he'd been racially profiled there, detained after buying a belt that someone decided looked too expensive for him. Christian sued the store and the New York Police Department; then 21-year-old Kayla Phillips came forward, shared her own experience of being profiled after buying an expensive handbag, and announced her own plans to sue.

In response, Barneys met with the Reverend Al Sharpton and the Brooklyn chapter of his anti-racist National Action Network and promised to bring in a civil-rights expert, Michael Yaki, who Barneys CEO Mark Lee said would be provided with "with unrestricted access to all aspects of our store operations."

Now Yaki has completed his preliminary report about the Christian and Phillips incidents. And -- surprise! -- it concludes that Barneys "did not request, require, nor initiate" the detainment of either Christian or Phillips. Instead it places the blame on the NYPD.

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