Snooki's Gorilla Beach Reportedly Hits Web; We Read The First Chapter (and Survive!)


Is Snooki the Bret Easton Ellis of guidos?

Her novel Gorilla Beach -- a Jersey Shore roman a clef, if you will -- will hit bookstore shelves May 15. claimed this afternoon to have gotten an exclusive copy of the first chapter, "Like a Slutty Virgin."

Of course, we had guessed that the book would be filled with smushing and spray tans and muscleheads with tribal tats. We just didn't guess the, er, depth of Nicole Polizzi's realism -- or that some characters are from Brooklyn!

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Snooki Loves Bush: Jersey Shore Star Still Going Strong

Just when you thought Snooki couldn't get any more crazy comes this video of the drunk Jersey Shore character dancing with a potted plant. What will she think of next? [via TMZ]

New Jersey State Senator Mulling 'Snooki's Law'

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Okay, we're going to present a couple facts that will probably anger you, but they need to be introduced in order to report this story. 1) Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was asked to speak at Rutgers University. 2) Over 2,000 students attended the lecture. 3) She was paid $32,000 by the state-funded institution for her appearance. 4) That's $2,000 more than Rutgers will pay Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison to speak at graduation. Okay, now that those are out of the way, we can relay the news that, because of the Snooki controversy, Jersey State Senator Joe Kyrillos is trying to "sponsor legislation that will allow students to opt into or out of campus events requiring a fee," the Post reports.

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Snooki Appearance Controversial Among Everyone Except Toni Morrison

Boy, are parents mad about Snooki's recent appearance at Rutgers. Both about the concept of it, and the cost (almost $10,000 more than they pay in yearly tuition). And everyone else is freaked out by the fact that Shnickers was paid $2,000 more than what Nobel Prize winner Toni Morrison is being given to speak at commencement. You know who remains totally nonplussed? Morrison herself. When you're the person who wrote Beloved and Sula, you've really got bigger things to worry about. More »

Press Clips: Parker Spitzer Goes For Ratings Glory, Doggy Style

It is no longer hailing, but it's supposed to be freezing outside. Inside, I have a fan blowing on my face. It's Tuesday. Press Clips, Day 12, Late Edition, right here:

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Snooki's Great American Novel Is Happening. But Who Will She Write Like?

As we wait with bated, beer-bong-scented breath for Snooki's debut into the literati, we are plagued with questions. What will her book's title be? (A Shore Thing.) What will it be about? ("a girl looking for love on the boardwalk -- one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore," according to Simon & Shuster). What's the cover? (Check here for Foster's suggestion.) Will she byline it with her nickname, "Snooki," her church name "Nicole Polizzi," or her media name "Nicole (Snooki) Polizzi"? Will she dot the i's with hearts?

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The Snooki Book, A Shore Thing, Is Actually Happening

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An idea for the cover.
Dear Struggling Authors of America, please read the following around friends, family, or other people who can protect you from harming yourself. And Jonathan Franzen, look out. You think you wrote The Great American Novel? Think again. Star Jersey Shore cast-member creature Snooki's book is on the way.

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Snooki Basically Charged as Existential Demon by N.J. Prosecutors

And you thought Rod Blagojevich got off easy: Snooki has now been booked by Seaside Heights for that time she got arrested on the beach a few weeks ago. The charge?

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"Guido is Good": New York Post Aimlessly Plugs Jersey Shore Again

Saturday's New York Post dedicated its entire cover to Snooki's arrest on the Jersey Shore, turning a few line gossip item into an overlong feature that read more like press release than even a puff piece. On Sunday, the cover was unfortunately occupied by huge news, leaving Jersey Shore only 1,000+ words inside today's edition to get across an important message: "these days, the 'Jersey Shore' fist-pumping gang are the real masters of the universe. Guido is good." This is never going to end, is it?

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New York Post Shills For MTV's Jersey Shore With Full Snooki Arrest Cover

Yesterday, upon the arrest of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, we got a lesson on Twitter reporting, as TMZ scoured feeds for beachfront witnesses of "America's beloved pint-sized troublemaker." Wait, who called her "beloved," you might be wondering. That's the New York Post in today's cover story, another Jersey Shore journalism lesson. This time, it's how to please mega-corporations, like Viacom (which owns MTV and therefore Snooki) with huge "features" that double as advertorial for recently premiered television shows.

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