Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

100 Things a Teen Age Girl Wants to Know

Author: W. V. Grant, Sr.
Date: Early 1960s
Publisher: W.V. Grant
Discovered at: Gardner's Used Books, Tulsa, OK

The Cover Promises: That W.V. Grant had 3,500,000 books in print. Also, that teen girls want to know about topics like sex, courtesy, passion, introductions, and, seriously, "management."

Representative Quotes:

"No girl really wants to go all the way with a boy."

"He keeps and operates the car for the same reason you spend so much time on fixing your hair or baking your first cake."

"Do not ever nag at him or complain too much about things. Why tell him his faults? Better to not say anything about his faults until he asks you. When you get mad, put a dipper of cold water in your mouth and hold it there till it boils."

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

The Playpen

Date: 1991
Publisher: Infantae Press, Seattle

Discovered at: Brooklyn sidewalk sale
The Cover Promises: "The Magazine for the Adult Baby." That's the opposite of Maxim, the magazine for the baby adult.

Representative Quote:

"What really caught James' eye was that her 'KITTEN' was completely shaved. It was beautiful to him and he felt his manhood grow inside his padded diaper."

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets the lowest dregs of Amazon.

Thanks to the dawn of e-readers and the death of the gatekeepers of traditional publishing, disenfranchised voices at last have the chance to reach a mass audience. At long last, white people are no longer being denied the opportunity to express their white views to the world.

Thanks to Amazon's "sure, we'll e-publish anything!" policy, even the dumbest of white people now has a platform to share the white perspective. And we would point out that especially industrious white authors like Paul Kersey or H.A. Covington, both below, might even manage to make a few shekels on the deal, but we half-suspect that "shekels" might have something to do with the Organized Jewry these fellows so fear, so we'll keep that to ourselves.

Anyway, here's an overview at five works of lily whiteness, all available for an instant download on Amazon -- and, as a dispiriting bonus, a quick look at the tastes of the Amazon reviewers who champion this crap. Note: All quotes come from the publicly available preview of the books. Your Crap Archivist spent no money on these, because, seriously, fuck these guys.

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Faith 'n Stuff: The Magazine for Kids

Date: September/October 1994
Publisher: Guideposts

The Cover Promises: The Protestant youth of America, photographed at the last possible moment before the obesity crisis kicked in.

Representative Quotes:

Sometimes prejudiced people do terrible things, like when the Nazis in Germany--convinced that they were the supreme race killed millions of Jews during the Holocaust."

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Southern Comfort Mixed-Drink Recipe Pamphlets

Date: 1973 - 1975
Publisher: Your friends at Southern Comfort
Discovered at: A St. Louis estate sale

The Cover Promises: "Includes a new guide for Happy Hour astrology talk." Also: You should bring tumblers, ice, and a bottle of Southern Comfort with you on romantic bike rides.

Representative Quote:

Although it's used like an ordinary whiskey, Southern Comfort tastes much different than any other basic liquor. It actually tastes good, right out of the bottle!

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Family Circle magazines

Date: March 1959 and March 1963
Discovered at: An Indiana flea market

The Cover Promises: "The magazine you need for the life you lead." Also: To soften skin and open your pores, buff your face with a puffy little bird.

Representative Quote:

"Kitchens, like little girls, are made of all things nice -- well-planed cabinets of glowing wood or shining metal, and equipment that minds the roast, washes the pans and dishes, freezes meats, and keeps fruits, milk, and vegetables fresh."

More »

On Monday, your Crap Archivist brought you the batshit '50s quiz itemizing the merits and demerits of 1950s wives and proving -- through science or something -- that American women are pushy, jealous, overweight shrews who won't stop eating radishes before bed and need to be told to enjoy "marital congress."

(Have you ever had marital congress with a lady full of radishes? I bet that still has a higher approval rating than actual congress.)

That quiz, prepped by once-popular pop-psychology huckster Dr. George W. Crane, was purportedly put together with input from 600 husbands. Just like back then, their input seems not to have pleased women, as we've been hearing from contemporary lady-people that some of their "merits" and "demerits" are reprehensibly sexist.

Fortunately, Dr. Crane also claims to have assembled a squad of 600 women to list the pros and cons of husbands. And guess what? 1950s wives were really tired of their husbands being "sissy"s or "bookworms."

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Author: Dr. George W. Crane
Date: The early '50s
Publisher: Dr. George W. Crane

The Cover Promises: "100 Point Rating Scales"! A "Blueprint for Happiness"! And that cutting out photos of the human head was tricky before Photoshop, especially when dealing with the lenses of glasses, which here make it look as if poor Dr. Crane had a small breastlike loaf of flesh growing from his eye socket.

See More:
- Here's the 1950s Test That Urges Husbands Not to be "Sissies"
- Ladies, Fail Your Families With the Housekeeping Board Game

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

Hobo Girl

Author: A.L. Roger
Date: 1962
Publisher: Chariot
Discovered at: Kayo Books, San Francisco

The Cover Promises: "A lusty story of a sex-mad girl who gave away what most men hunger for." Also, it asks the unforgettable question "What made her go for everything in pants?"

Representative Quote:

"She felt his hand moving over her breast through the dressing gown and her lips parted eagerly as his hand moved inside the gown and cupped her round breast." (page 105)

More »

Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

The Playbook for Kids About Sex

Author: Joani Blank (words); pictures by Marcia Quackenbush
Date: 1980
Publisher: Down There Press
Discovered at: Community Thrift, 623 Valencia, San Francisco

The Cover Promises: That you should rub this book against your crotch while sitting bare-assed in dad's chair.

Representative Quotes:

"If you can't see your clitoris, feel gently around until you find the most sensitive (or ticklish) spot. That's it! Draw a picture of your clitoris and your other sex parts here."

"That rush of excitement is called and orgasm or a climax or 'coming.' It's pretty hard to describe but it's sort of like: Climbing up the ladder of a long slide and whooshing down. Sneezing after your nose has been tickling. Peeing after you've had to wait a long time to pee."

More »