​Reggie Allen is no criminal mastermind.

Cops say that 34-year-old Allen brought two loaded firearms -- including a Tec-9 semi-automatic pistol and a .45 caliber semi-automatic handgun -- into a crowded Times Square subway station on New Year's Day.

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​EV Grieve reports (with photos) that someone allegedly "blew out the window" of a cab last night at Avenue A near 14th Street. Per the tipster, Matt LES_Miserable, police were on the scene and the driver was "very shaken up" and said a passenger had shot out his window. The hows and whys are unclear, though it seems quite evident this is not how to persuade someone to take you to Brooklyn.

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Steal more, get more (for free).

​Today Adweek has a helpful and revealing list of the items people steal from retailers the most. Apparently, we're a criminal lot, with one in 11 people stealing something he or she didn't pay for -- and 70 percent of shoplifters (most of whom are adults who also have jobs) saying they didn't plan to steal. As for the items most stolen, some are obvious (electronic gadgets), some are cinematic (luxury meats), and some are...surprising. Axe body spray?

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​So it seems like there might have not been a gun involved in that initially-reported-as-a-hostage situation near the Flatiron Building Wednesday, but at least we got sound bites out of it! After the man in question, 69-year-old Kenneth Clarfield, was released without bail yesterday, he gave reporters quite a show outside Manhattan Criminal Court. He stuck his tongue out! Hey! That's not nice.

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A celebratory dance.

​Justice! The woman who in April of this year entered a Victoria's Secret in White Plains and, seeking revenge for an alleged "earlier shoplifting incident," poured a container of chili all over 65 pairs of panties, which cost $750 dollars, a woman who had been on the lam ever since, has been caught. We may now sleep just a little bit easier knowing that our frilly pink things have been to some extent vindicated. The woman, Lauren Jackson, 19, hails from Yonkers, and she was busted by doing the thing that more sophisticated criminals tell you never to do: She returned to the scene of the crime. But, how can one resist, when the delicious smells of orchard peach and white raspberry hand lotions waft from the open doors of the shop and lure you in, sultrily? Not to mention, all of those silky, lacy underthings! Is any human woman impervious to such charms?

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Wikipedia

​Actress Paz de la Huerta -- the antithesis of the never-nude, the woman who told the New York Times Magazine the ghost of Elvis gave her an orgasm in Graceland -- pleaded guilty to harassment this morning. She also put lotion on her legs. But we'll get to that later. The charge stems from an incident in March at the Top of the Standard involving Samantha Swetra, a "model" whose claim to fame involves being on The City. What allegedly happened was de la Huerta threw a glass at and punched Swetra, and reportedly yelled "I'm a real actress on HBO! She's a fake actress publicity-seeker!" Now, she can't come into contact with Swetra for two years. Good thing Swetra's not a real actress.

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​First there was the East Village doorshitter, now the West Village has its very own excreting felon. The Daily News reports via video surveillance that the man -- described as a either black or Hispanic, 5 foot 8 inches and 20 to 25 years old -- was spotted undoing his belt and peeing or at least attempting to pee on a car parked on Christopher Street early Sunday morning. Plainclothes police officers caught him and tried to frisk him, but he fled, eluding capture. The Daily News has no indication as to whether his pants fell down as he did this, or if he fastened them before making a run for it. Updated with video after the jump. [via Gothamist]

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​Preston Powell, who measures 6 feet 2 inches tall, is an unlikely candidate for hide and seek, particularly a game involving very small spaces, but nonetheless, there he was on the evening of July 13, trying to hide from police after shooting a man in a West 90th Street apartment building. He hid his gun in an umbrella, then himself in a garbage chute on another floor, reports DNA Info. There, cops found him "dangling" when they thought to look inside.

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​Last week we posted video (viewable after the jump) captured by Joey Boots of some idiot crashing his Corvette and then eventually opting to speed away rather than face police questioning, despite the whole thing being caught on camera. Well, he got caught. He's been identified as Lanier Brown, a member of the FDNY for the last three years. Brown has been charged with drunk driving and leaving the scene of an accident and has been given the maximum suspension of 30 days without pay from his job as a firefighter. The two people in the other car suffered neck and back injuries, while Brown's car looks like shit. Check out the video of the wreck's unbelievable aftermath below, via Boots and Animal NY.

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​For the second time this week, someone looking for attention chose to vandalize the Ed Sullivan Theater, home of the Late Show With David Letterman. Alvin Moore, the latest aggressor, was drunk and mad because he sent Letterman "several demo tapes," NBC NY reports, but had not heard back. Police also said that Moore knew about James Whittemore, who smashed the theater doors drunkenly on Sunday and now has multi-million dollar deals from Atlantic Records, Levis and GE. Actually no, he just has criminal charges. Someone should probably tell these assholes that Letterman has little to nothing to do with discovering musicians and as far as attention-seeking goes, isn't even very relevant. He wasn't even nominated for an Emmy. [NBC NY]