Dubious Christian "Counseling" Organizations Sue New Jersey Over Gay Conversion Therapy Ban

Chris Christie points and laughs at gay conversion therapy (probably not).
Two New Jersey therapists, along with the anti-gay Christian counseling groups they belong to, are suing the state over the recently signed ban on "conversion therapy," an absurd, scientifically discredited practice that purports to turn gay people straight. Dr. Tara King and Dr. Ronald Newman are both suing for the right to pretend to change people's sexuality, arguing that the ban constitutes " immediate and irreparable injury to their most cherished constitutional liberties." Both therapists belong to the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, who have joined the lawsuit, along with the American Association of Christian Counselors. The suit was first reported by Courthouse News.

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Going Rate to Lick Entire New York City Subway Railing: $1

Congratulations! You've got hepatitis!
You know that thin, slimy film of what we can only assume is liquid hepatitis found on just about every piece of metal in the entire New York City subway system? You probably don't know what it tastes like, do you?

Well, YouTube's latest "star" does, and that's because he licked an entire subway railing -- literally, the entire thing -- and he did it for one dollar.

We watched the video -- and threw up in our mouths a little bit. And you can, too, after the jump.

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Will Subway Stations Soon Have Wifi?

Subway fares might be going up, The MTA's capital plan might be funded by debt, and the city's mass transit lines might be overrun by rats but hey, commuting in New York might not be all bad.

Boingo and Transit Wireless will start hooking up wifi in the city's subway stations over the next five years, according to an announcement today.

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Reggie Allen, 'MetroDunce,' Indicted on Weapons Charges

Reggie Allen is no criminal mastermind.

Cops say that 34-year-old Allen brought two loaded firearms -- including a Tec-9 semi-automatic pistol and a .45 caliber semi-automatic handgun -- into a crowded Times Square subway station on New Year's Day.

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Joseph Anderson, Principal at Clinton School for Writers And Artists, Plagiarizes David Foster Wallace in Graduation Speech

When stuff like this happens we tend to be at a loss for words. Joseph Anderson, the principal at the Clinton School for Writers and Artists on West 33rd Street, plagiarized part of his graduation speech from a commencement address David Foster Wallace gave in 2005 at Kenyon College, the Daily News reports. We could bemoan how dumb this is on Anderson's part and how his statement that his lack of attribution was an "oversight" seems like a bunch of baloney, but that's obvious. Instead, we'll just leave you with an adaptation of the original speech, published upon Wallace's death in the Wall Street Journal. It is remarkable, and a principal at a school for writers and artists should at least know that a half-assed emulation of a work of art cannot do said work justice. [NYDN]

Carnival Workers Mad at Obama; Nation's Political Discourse To Be Taken Off Life Support

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A subset of nomadic amusement park workers have issued grievance towards President Obama for remarks he made during yesterday's birth certificate press conference. During the press conference, which was held to disprove a bunch of lunatics, Obama said, "We're not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers." Carnival workers are upset because of his use of the term, "carnival barker." America has turned into a massive malfunctioning tilt-a-whirl, and it's not going to stop no matter how much you vomit.

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Nazi Sabotage Team Sent to America Was Hilariously Inept

In 1942, a team of Nazi saboteurs armed with bomb-making supplies and instructions to perform multiple acts of terrorism emerged on the shores of Long Island and Florida. Details of this mission from a MI5 intelligence officer were recently declassified, Yahoo reports, and they paint a story of intrigue and espionage. Fortunately, this crack team of spies made the Three Stooges look like Delta Force.

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NY Board of Regents Trying to Torture Kids By Cutting Summer Vacation

The Board of Regents is meeting today to discuss various new educational measures, including one that would add an extra 20 days to school -- cutting summer vacation in half. The Board of Regents can't seem to find a way to prepare students for college, so their latest plan is to increase the amount of time students spend in school. Another one of the Board's dozen plans includes expanding the school day to eight hours. And there are more tortures, too...

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Over Half of Republican Primary Voters Are Still Birthers, Poll Finds

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According to a new poll, over half of Republican primary voters don't believe Barack Obama was born in the United States. Politico reports that Public Policy Polling asked 400 people across the country who planned on voting in the GOP primaries where they thought President Obama was born. 51 percent responded they didn't think he wasn't born in the United States. Everyone take a deep breath, count to 10, and consult your apocalypse manual.

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The Super Bowl Is Stupid

The Super Bowl is stupid. We say that and we're football fans here at Runnin' Scared. Watching the "big game," as it is referred to by companies attempting to profit off its popularity without paying licensing fees, is a useful exercise in being a stupid person for an entire day. Don't believe us? Let's go over what Sunday will be like for you and the millions of other stupid people who will be watching the Super Bowl:

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