British Journalist Flooded With Hate Mail After Ridiculous Screed About the NYC Subway

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Even this could be worse. Somehow.
The subway is just not that bad. For all our complaining about the fickle ways of the G train, our homicidal feelings during the absurdly lengthy wait for a C around 5 p.m., or the whole-body despair we experience when J mysteriously skips our stop during the height of morning rush hour, the subway is still fast, cheap, easy to navigate, and open 24-7. Which is why it's only right that visiting Guardian journalist Bim Adewunmi has been roundly mocked for a laughably wrong piece she wrote yesterday calling our subway system "patently ridiculous" and "the work of a sadist, cooked up in a fever dream and delivered with a flourish and an unhinged grin."

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New Yorkers Barely Missing the G Train Video "Comes from a Place of Deep-Rooted Hatred"

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Yep!
While we all know that technically the G is on time more often than any other train line, "technically" means very little when it's 1 a.m. and you're helplessly watching the back of a train as it pulls away. Because you know that once that train is gone, you will wait. And wait. And wait. You'll knit a scarf. You'll revise your will. Grow a knee-length beard, learn a second language, undergo numerous religious conversions, and still, the next damn G train will not arrive.

Like many of us, Audrey Stanfield has spent the last year living off the G train, a year filled with loathing and "deep-rooted hatred," she says. The 26-year-old actress co-hosts a weekly show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade, and makes videos that have appeared on Funny or Die and the Huffington Post. But mostly, this past year, she's waited for the G.

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MTA Would Prefer You Stay Off Subway Tracks and Not Drive Your Car Onto a Train

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Image by Twitter user @BKSHOSHANNAH
Someone drove their damn car right onto a Q train this morning, an action the Metropolitan Transportation Authority recommends you avoid. Really strongly recommends it. They're quite stringent on this point.

Nonetheless, as DNAInfo was first to report, a lady in an SUV "plowed through a fence near Albemarle Road and East 16th Street" in south Brooklyn around 5 a.m. today. The fence created "a kind of ramp that allowed her to settle her front tires atop the train," an action that was captured in the delightful photo you see above, by insta-famous Twitter user @BKSHOSHANNAH. Shosh snapped the photo at 7:30 a.m., meaning that getting a car down off a train is apparently rather difficult and may take several hours and quite a lot of inconvenience. Who knew?

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The MTA Will Be Disciplining the Station Agent Who Gave Everybody the Double Middle Finger

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Video by Jonathan Pillot; screenshot via.
The Metropolitan Transportation Authority is very unhappy with the man you see above, a station agent at West 4th Street who apparently reacts to the frustrations of his job with exuberant double-fingered salutes.

Manhattanite Jonathan Pillot shared a video of the agent to his Facebook page; it shows Pillot and the agent, who the New York Post reports is named Stephen C. Herbert, mid-argument, after Pillot says he witnessed the agent behaving rudely towards an elderly woman.

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Hey Girl, Your Train Is Probably Running Really Late Right Now [Updated]

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Image via Fuck Yeah Ryan Gosling
Just take a deep breath and focus on that laughable haircut.
Hey, girl. It's really early, the snow has turned into muddy, slippery crunch-ice, and the Metropolitan Transit Authority is reporting delays on the 2, 4, 5, 6, D, Q, J, Z, and N, which is a lot of train lines. It's only Tuesday and this week already feels like a long and hopeless tunnel stretching into oblivion, like a deserted subway of the soul. So, what are we going to do? We're going to explain what's going on here, and then we're going to console ourselves with a two-year-old Ryan Gosling meme. Oh yes we are.

According to the latest from the MTA, there are three separate issues contributing to the morning's delays. The northbound 2, 5, and D are delayed because of "signal problems." So are the southbound N and Q. So is the 6, in both directions for the same reason. One of those mysterious "earlier incidents" at Cypress Avenue is also contributing to the 6's sluggishness. A train with mechanical problems at Broad Street means that the southbound J and Z are terminating at Chambers. That's a lot of problems, girl.

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The Apocalypse Is Nigh: A Huge Chunk of the L Train Went Down This Morning

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An artist's rendering of the way your ride to work feels.
Oh, hi. Did you have a nice commute this morning? On the L train, perhaps? No? It was awful? Worse than usual, in fact? That's because, as you may have discovered, if you're one of the unlucky thousands who use that train, a large chunk of it was down this morning for about 30 to 45 minutes. People were, to put it in scientific terms, losing their goddamn minds.

According to the Metropolitan Transit Authority, the L went down between Eighth Avenue (the northernmost stop) and Broadway Junction in both directions "due to signal problems and switch problems." Broadway Junction is just six stops from the end of the line at the south end. In other words, most of the train was out of commission.


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Here's What the MTA Does When They Find a Dead Shark in the Subway: Toss It, Crack Jokes

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Photo by suddenly famous Instagram user bsanchz
R.I.P., small shark.
There were a number of possible responses to yesterday's news that a small dead shark was found in the subway: sadness (dead animal); puzzlement (dead aquatic animal?); and, for the germaphobes among us, extreme, immediate, misplaced panic (Jesus Christ, have I been sitting in shark juice)? But the hard cases at the MTA, who've seen a lot of weird shit in their time, had a more blasé reaction: pitch the shark in the trash, swab out the train, crack weird jokes to damn near every blog in town. Why not? There's a goddamn dead shark on the train. The Apocalypse is clearly upon us.

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Still Hesitant On A Subway Death Solution? Check Out What Happened Over The Past Five Days

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The growing controversy over subway deaths has stricken all parties involved in the transportation scene.

The MTA, stuck with little cash to maneuver, has provided flat solutions, including platform doors and laser alarm systems, that are getting nowhere because, given, the agency can't get past the whole price tag thing. The Transport Workers Union Local has informed its conductors to slow down but this advice was chastised by the MTA as a major service delayer. As a result, the emergency meeting called by Councilman Joe Vacca ended in a yelling match between the union and the agency. And then there's the NYPD, with its officers busy Big-Brother-ing the mentally ill.

Needless to say, this controversy has hit a brick wall... at the worst time possible.

In the past five days, seven people have been struck by a subway. Do the math: that's more than a person a day. If that's not enough reason to spark urgency to this situation, we seriously have no idea what is.

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Another Subway Death Solution: NYPD Tracking of Mentally Ill?

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Okay, the platform doors, laser alert system and the advice for conductors to slow down were one thing. But this goes a little above and beyond that.

Yesterday, news came that the NYPD, in accordance with the Health Department, has tracked down 25 mentally ill patients that have been deemed dangerous and on "mental hygiene warrants." And, contrary to the MTA and the Transit Workers Union, the NYPD has no problem going right ahead with this "solution" to the subway death problem.
Apparently, the law enforcement agency is using this "real life crime center" to arrest them, which we believe is similar to the one Morgan Freeman's character has access to in The Dark Knight.

In other words, the NYPD is on the lookout for those behind the subway incidents that have occurred over the past few months -- situations where innocent passerby's were pushed onto the tracks by said suspects, all of which have raised major concerns about subway safety in recent weeks. The "epidemic" even prompted an emergency hearing by Councilman Joe Vacca (except it basically turned into a yelling match between the MTA and the union).

We're still unsure if surveillance is the best or the creepiest way to combat this problem. Actually wait, no, the bloody MetroCards were. But this is a close second.


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A Water Main Just Broke, 23rd Street Station Evacuated (Updated)

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Instagram user @zackhigginsis

Updated 4:30 p.m.:

MTA promises to have all trains back up and running for your evening commute. Service wasn't completely restored at 3:30 this afternoon, so maybe if you hang around the office late tonight, your train will be waiting when you finally leave. Good luck getting home!

Updated 1:00 p.m.:

The DEP has now revealed that the flooding started when a 36" pipe broke beneath 25th and Fifth Avenue. They say they're still investigating why the pipe in question burst, but we're pretty sure we already know the answer -- the thing was from 1915! Apparently 98-year-old pipe isn't very sturdy.

The DEP also tells us that your water should be back on now.

Updated 12:30 p.m.:

FDNY says that no one was injured during the earlier evacuation of the 23rd Street station.

The MTA is doing their best to restore service by rerouting the effected trains. Here's their update on the severely-impacted train schedule: "Both directions R trains are running on the F line between 36 St Station (Qns) and 34 St-Herald Sq Station, then run on the D or N line in both directions between 34 St-Herald Sq Station and DeKalb Av Station. Allow additional travel time."

The Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) is reportedly still working on patching the water main, but in the meantime, water is shut off in much of downtown. The Voice offices are all the way over near Astor Place, but we've got no water here.

If you're having problems with the water pressure in your building, you can report it here, although you'll likely fall pretty low on the priority list -- y'know, somewhere behind the giant flood.

Also, we've added a video to our collection of fun and disturbing flood imagery (below). Check it out!

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A water main near the 23rd Street - Broadway station broke around 10:40 a.m., causing the entire station to be evacuated. The N, Q, and R trains are currently shut down between the Whitehall Street and 57th Street stops, and MTA is warning commuters to expect major delays on those lines. Between this and Sandy, it seems like the subway will never dry out.

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