Ohio Amish Under Investigation For Beard-Cutting

Amish crime: a growing threat? First we had the buggy safety-triangle ring, and now we're contending with a group in Ohio who are under investigation for allegedly breaking into people's homes and cutting off their hair and beards. At least four sheriff's departments (!) are investigating members of the Amish community near Bergholz -- the so-called "Bergholz Clan" -- for cutting off the beards and hair of numerous victims, including a 13-year-old girl and a 74-year-old man.

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The Amish Sell Exotic Animals, Are Even More Badass Than You Thought

Alligators! Elk! Kangaroos and kinkajous! Parrots! Poison-arrow frogs! And an "irate African aardvark"! It sounds like an exotic bazaar in some faraway land but it's actually an auction in Amish country, explored in this delightful piece in The Daily. Here at Runnin' Scared we stay up on Amish news, and this is particularly interesting: thrice yearly, the Mid Ohio Alternative Animal and Bird Sale takes place in Mount Hope, Ohio, in an area that apparently has the highest Amish concentration in the country. We would give our right arm to go to this.

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Kentucky Derby Will Be Decadent, Depraved

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Hunter S. Thompson went so you don't have to:

The rest of the day blurs into madness. The rest of that night too. And all the next day and night. Such horrible things occurred that I can't bring myself even to think about them now, much less put them down in print. I was lucky to get out at all. One of my clearest memories of that vicious time is Ralph being attacked by one of my old friends in the billiard room of the Pendennis Club in downtown Louisville on Saturday night. The man had ripped his own shirt open to the waist before deciding that Ralph was after his wife. No blows were struck, but the emotional effects were massive. Then, as a sort of final horror, Steadman put his fiendish pen to work and tried to patch things up by doing a little sketch of the girl he'd been accused of hustling. That finished us in the Pedennis.

Tune in to the Kentucky Derby today at 5 p.m.


Oklahoma Will Now Be Taken Over by Muslims, Hopefully

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Somewhere near the heart of America, a plot to infiltrate the soul of this great nation is underway, and has moved a step further. Yes, folks, a judge -- those formidable black-robed enemies of the state -- has struck down an amendment to Oklahoma's constitution that would bar the use of Islamic Religious Law in state courts. May Baby Jesus, or Moses, or the Kwanzaa Bunny, anything other than that "Allah" feller have mercy on our souls.

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The "Ground Zero Victory Mosque" Attack Ad (Video)

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It only took psychopaths from outside of New York City what, a month? The inevitable "Ground Zero Victory Mosque" attack ad has finally arrived. Via The Atlantic, it comes from a conservative PAC from Iowa, and yes, it's as gross as you imagined it to be.

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Dear Rest-of-America: Take This Map, It's Why You're Wrong About the "Ground Zero Mosque"

According to a recent Siena Research Institute poll, over half of New Yorkers polled think that the "Ground Zero Mosque" will promote racial and religious tolerance, or are open to the idea of it. Yet: 68% of Americans oppose it, despite the endorsements of New York City's mayor and the President of the United States of America. But that's not why you're wrong, America. This, however, is.More »

Go Cocks? South Carolina Senate Candidate Alvin Greene's College Porn Problem

This is what one gets in Carolina for trying to "share the love," huh?

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Terry Gross: Nasty Girl of NPR Burned by Mississippi, Totally Doable

I'd hit it.
The Brooklyn-bred hotness that is NPR's Fresh Air host -- The Notorious T.E.R.R.Y. G.R.O.S.S. -- is also apparently Right Said Fred-level too sexy for your radio.

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The Obama White House Is Having a Bit of a Vermin Problem

via New York Times
Why is the Obama White House so pestered by pestilence? Last year, there was the fly that Obama killed during an interview with John Harwood for CNBC and the Times, an act which drew the perhaps displaced anger of many an insect-lover. (Have you ever been tortured by a buzzing fly? We dare you not to kill it, assuming you have the POTUS's Mr. Miyagi-esque reflexes.)

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Reason to Live in NYC #78: We've Got Enough Good Shrinks

Or at least, enough so that you wouldn't have to visit yours in jail, even after they were accused of trying to murder one of their patients. With a sword. A two-foot sword. The Kentucky Enquirer reports today on Covington, Kentucky, psychiatrist Douglas Rank, whose patients actually tried to visit him behind bars.

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