Tomorrow, millions of unoriginal people will give and receive chocolates, flowers and diamonds for the elaborate courting ritual of Valentine's Day. Women will wear red or black lace lingerie and men will take them out to dinner at expensive restaurants with prix fixe specials for V-Day, and if he went to Jared, which he did because of those abominable commercials, the women will receive diamonds. Then these people will go home and have boring, conventional sex.
Meanwhile, hip couples will have smug "anti-Valentine's Day" things in which they ironically wear red and make their own artisanal chocolates at home. While all this is going on, single people will feel kind of down all day and either stay at home and get drunk by themselves or get together with their other single friends while everyone assumes a false mien of cheerfulness about being single.
Valentine's Day is the absolute fucking worst. More »