Upstate Judge Indicted For Lying About Being Beaten With a Toilet Lid

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Image courtesy of the Seneca County Sheriff's Department
Judge Barto's mugshot
Waterloo Village isn't the kind of place that makes the news much. It's a tiny place in Seneca County, population just a hair over 5,000, located about 270 miles north of New York City. It's so small and so quaint that one of its only judges, Justice Roger W. Barto, is also the sexton of the local cemetery. (A sexton oversees the graveyard's maintenance. Most towns got rid of theirs a couple hundred years ago.) And he's allegedly tripling up on roles this week, also becoming the town's mastermind criminal. A Seneca County grand jury indicted the judge on five felony and four misdemeanor charges for allegedly lying about being viciously beaten with a toilet lid last fall.

On a Saturday night in September of 2013, Barto was discovered in his courtroom, lying on the floor. He was taken to Rochester Memorial Hospital, where he told police he'd been locking up the courtroom when someone choked him from behind and hit him over the head with the heavy porcelain lid of a toilet tank.



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Japanese Motorcycle is Fueled by Feces; This Shit Might Save the World

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via Tototalk.jp
In the search for renewable energy, humans have dug through Earth, split atoms, and harnessed the Sun. Have we been flushing the solution to our fuel problems all along? Japanese toilet manufacturer Toto, creators of this remarkable product, have made a motorized tricycle with a toilet for a seat. As TokyoMango reports, the amazing thing about this machine is that it runs completely on the driver's feces. Any poop taken on the machine is directly converted into fuel. The bike is driving from the southern tip of Japan to Tokyo to raise awareness for Toto's efforts to reduce CO2 emissions. This is the rare instance when someone is told not to go to the bathroom before a long road trip.

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Does New York Have America's Best Bathroom?

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www.cafehabana.com
Rainwater collection system for Habana Outpost's toilets.
Every year, workplace supplies company Cintas holds a contest to find the best restroom in America. This is the competition's tenth year and vying for the prize are two New York restaurant bathrooms: Fort Greene's Habana Outpost and Ninja, a theme restaurant in TriBeCa. The other eight finalists include museums, hotel crappers and a mobile unit made for President Obama's inauguration. Now that Mars Bar is closed, their restrooms are ineligible.

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Gerard Depardieu Peed in Front of Everybody on a Plane Last Night

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What is it about planes and people and August? Was it just last year, in this very month, that flight attendent Steven Slater was grabbing two beers and heading down his JetBlue flight's emergency chute, to certain fame and then infamy and then, well, just now while attempting to Google him we realized we'd pretty much forgotten his name. (Fortunately, the Internet hadn't. And, yes, it was last August.) Will such, that is, forgetting, be the case for Robert "Sandy" Vietze, the kid who might have been an Olympian who allegedly peed on a recent JetBlue flight out in the open, on, it was initially reported and later denied by the girl's family, the leg of an 11-year-old girl? Or, more recently, for Gerard Depardieu, famous Frenchman, who has recently entered the annals of doing stupid things on planes in August?

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Robert 'Sandy' Vietze, Guy Who Peed on Girl During JetBlue Flight, Was an Olympic Hopeful

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Robert "Sandy" Vietze, the drunk 18-year-old who drank eight alcoholic beverages and then relieved himself on the leg of an 11-year-old girl on the worst flight ever (someone later vomited, in an unrelated incident), has been found to have been a top alpine skier and on the developmental team roster of the U.S. Ski Team. Though his mistake on that flight from Portland, Oregon, to JFK, may have cost him his chance at the 2014 Winter Games in Russia, reports the New York Post. This is yet another lesson in the long list of lessons of why one shouldn't pee on someone on a flight.

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Drunk Man Pees on Sleeping Girl During JetBlue Flight

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Does not = "pee on chair."
Good morning. With your coffee, here's a classic What Not to Do! Do not...get on a plane and consume "eight alcoholic beverages." We're all for drinking while flying -- riding, not driving -- for the nerve-soothing purposes, but even on a flight from Portland, Oregon to New York City, eight is a bit...much. (If we are telling you that, you know it's true.)

Then! Do not wait to use the restroom. It will likely be occupied. Go as soon as you have the urge. But do not go until you are safely esconced in a lavatory. Do not go, for instance, after you've stumbled about a bit and ended up five rows in front of your seat, next to an 11-year-old girl who might or might not be sleeping.

And then, do not pee on her leg.

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Papal Toilet Paper has Infallible Softness, Divine Durability

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shop.renovaonline.net
Renova, a Portuguese paper company, is celebrating Pope Benedict XVI's upcoming trip to Madrid by releasing special edition Papal toilet paper. The yellow and white rolls--representing the colors of the Papal flag--are being released for World Youth Day. The product's description on Renova's website calls them "streamers," yet they come in the same packaging as their toilet paper and can only be found in the toilet paper section of their site. Don't be bashful, for Renova asks you to "Open your windows to celebrate!" when the Pope comes to Madrid. [Forbes]

Bill Gates Is Giving $41.5 Million to Building a Better Toilet

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The modern-day flush toilet, a norm for those of us in countries that have the infrastructure to support modern-day flush toilets, is actually not affordable in much of the developing world, a situation which leads to general yuckiness, along with diarrheal and other diseases, not to mention, death. What to do about this? Bill Gates is on the case! The Gates Foundation recently put forth a challenge to assorted universities around the world "to reinvent the toilet as a stand-alone unit without piped-in water, a sewer connection, or outside electricity--all for less than 5 cents a day." They're giving $41.5 million to the creation of such. Current proposals include"toilets powered by heat, microwaves or solar panels." [LAT]

The Great Coney Island Toilet Paper-Rationing Crisis Is Over

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Wikipedia
Coney Island was not all fun and hot dog eating contests this holiday weekend. In fact, there was a silent, misty menace seeping through the crowds (cue Jaws soundtrack): a lack of toilet paper.

In an "exposé" Monday, the Post explained that Parks Department employees were "rationing" toilet paper in the Coney Island women's bathrooms along the boardwalk. And men weren't getting any of the "cheap, single-ply" goods. Can someone please get some Charmin up in here?

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East Village 'Doorshitter' Caught Pooping in Public; Shame Campaign Begins

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Esther Zuckerman
The East Village has a new villain dubbed "The Doorshitter." Today EV Grieve posted an email they received from a St. Marks Place resident named Jordy who has a little problem: a homeless man has been pooping on his door for the past six weeks. Jordy told the neighborhood blog that he has started a campaign to "shame" the man. The shame game includes posting flyers that feature a profile picture of the defecator and say, "STOP HIM/ THIS MAN/ SHITS IN DOORWAYS."

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