Fox News: Obama Invites More 'Hoods to the 'Big Crib'

Fox Business's Eric Bolling, the dude who was offended by Obama "chugging 40s," is at it again. He opened a segment about Obama's meeting with the president of Gabon with this gem: "Guess who's coming to dinner? A dictator. Mr. Obama shares a laugh with one of Africa's kleptocrats. It's not first time he's had a hoodlum in the hizzouse." The hizzouse! It's not racist, it's just what the kids are saying. "Big crib," too. Guess who the other "hoodlum" in the "hizzouse" was? Common, obviously. The most dangerous thug in America.

[The Atlantic]


Phoenix Man Attacked by 100,000 Bees

This is just terrifying: In Phoenix, a homeless man was attacked by a swarm of, apparently, some 100,000 bees, while he was simply walking down the street. "He was stung several thousand times," reports MyFoxPhoenix, and went into anaphylactic shock, but is expected to recover, though he'll surely never look at a bee the same way again. Jesus.

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'East Coast Rapist' Tried to Hang Himself in Jail

The rapey police sketch of Thomas.
Aaron Thomas, the "East Coast Rapist" accused of raping 17 women in four states over the last 13 years, tried to hang himself in his jail cell last night. Thomas was arrested on Friday and held on a $1 million bond in New Haven, CT.

The East Coast Rapist's most recent crimes were in October of 2009, when he kidnapped three girls coming home from trick-or-treating and raped two of them. Which is just about the most ghoulish shit I've ever heard. Authorities have been hunting him for more than a decade and finally nabbed him on DNA evidence from a cigarette butt. Maybe we shouldn't recycle those after all.

[Daily Intel via ABC News]


Semen Setbacks Plaguing Modern Man

Today we face two terrible, awful, cringe-worthy studies about men and their reported sexual dysfunctions. The first comes via the Daily News (kudos on that stock art pick, guys!), which cites research presented at the European Society for Sexual Medicine that determined that some 16% of the men studied "are able to ejaculate but feel none of the pleasure of orgasm." Oh dear.

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How Not to Regret Your Life in 23 Easy Steps, by the Internet

Crystal Absolutely NO Regrets.jpg
What is happening to everyone? This week, two prominent blog posts about regrets people have surfaced on the Internet. One, made up of all stripes of reader submissions at the New York Times CityRoom blog, the other, via The Hairpin, made up of women in their 30s' submissions at AOL's Lemondrop. They are easily Two of The Most Miserable Blog Posts Ever Written. To make everything better, we packaged that information into a handy guide to help you not regret your life.

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Dear Tony Perkins: You Are a Terrible, Ignorant Human Who Will Hopefully Die Loveless and Alone

Dear Tony Perkins:

Hopefully our readers don't know who you are until now, but just to be clear, you are the former Louisiana congressman who is now the president of an uber-right evangelical Christian organization called the Family Research Council, where you pose as a responsible moral authority on Basically Everything, no? And given the recent rash of gay bullying (and consequent teen suicides as a result), it would seem your voice is being heard louder than ever. Like today, in this NPR report, where you say:

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The Most Epic News Correction Of 2010: Reporter's Disturbing Sexual Fetish Revealed As Untrue (Updated)

Regret the error, much? In this case. Yes. God yes. Though it's already appeared elsewhere, it's worth noting: may the entirety of American Journalism beg for mercy on its fragile soul if a more epic correction than this is issued in 2010.

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CNN's Resident Assclown Rick "Dirty" Sanchez vs. "Bigot" Jon Stewart and the Jewish Media Conspiracy

There are not enough words to describe the extent to which Rick Sanchez has -- without fail, time and time again -- aired out the worst aspects of his arrogant, patently unlikeable persona -- one which seems to thrive on his own incompetence like it's an anabolic steroid -- on full display, defying the figurative physics of stupidity. And today, Sanchez has taken us into a new, gilded Era of Incompetence.

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The 9/11 iPhone App: Not Quite 'DoodleJump'

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Those of you with iPhones out there in the world have a universe of various games, utilities, and information at your fingertips with the single swipe of a finger, as there's an iPhone app for everything. Even, apparently, to help us remember 9/11.

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Media-Running Jews to Join Islamic Terrorist Victory Mosque at Ground Zero

ground zero conspiracy flag.jpg
Tenative Design for Ground Zero Cabal Flag by F. Kamer.
On the same day that the fascists on the Landmarks Preservation Committee voted down landmark status to a building two blocks from Ground Zero that's gonna become a mosque/end-zone touchdown dance for the world's Muslim population, what happens? Well as it turns out, news broke that Conde Nast -- a magazine company full of Jews Who Run The Media (I can smell my own kind, with my horns) -- is on their way to a skyscraper at Ground Zero from Times Square. This might sate known-racist Abe "Not All Discrimination Is Equal" Foxman for a bit, until he realizes what we already know: That the MEDIA JEWS and the OIL ARABS are teaming up to take over the most boring, tourist-y neighborhood in New York, in the process, destroying nothing and hurting nobody. Conspiracy mongers, now's your time to shine. [FK]