​Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi just spoke on Libyan state television for over an hour and said that he would die in Libya as a martyr. He promised to make unspecified small changes to the government ("constitutional reform") but said that he wouldn't consider stepping down. Amidst all of the chaos, he urged his supporters to defend him: "Come out of your homes, attack them in their dens. Withdraw your children from the streets. They are drugging your children, they are making your children drunk and sending them to hell." He also threatened protesters when he said, "Anyone who undermines the sovereignty of the state will be punished by death." This probably wasn't the best strategy for an embattled dictator; he should've just shown off some of his sweet outfits, because he has many.

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​The sexy red swimsuit that college students in the '70s dreamed about is now an official part of the historical record. Farrah Fawcett's iconic red swimming garb, immortalized on posters that hung in dorm rooms everywhere, was donated to the Smithsonian by her longtime boyfriend Ryan O'Neal yesterday. The poster sold 8 million copies in its heyday and was the masturbatory fodder of millions of people everywhere. The swimsuit joins a Kermit the frog puppet, Julia Child's kitchen, and Dorothy's red slippers in the popular entertainment collection. What sexy objects of today are sure to end up in the Smithsonian?

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​For my second-to-last Press Clips, Day 27, we have a very, very special treat. Every year, many of the New York-based media companies who produce a large portion of American media that is consumed across the country gather after months of conspiring...to get shitface drunk. Behold:More >>

​Whoops! Looks like the guy they tried to replace the now-suspended Keith Olbermann with tonight isn't going to be clocking in at MSNBC tonight because we noticed he -- like Olbermann -- doesn't meet MSNBC's supposed "standards" (that John Cook at Gawker just found out might not be getting any kind of correct interpretive treatment by MSNBC to begin with, which is hysterical). As such, we've decided to go out on a limb, and try to help MSNBC with staffing up tonight's show with five potential candidates:

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​Congratulations, Rep. John Boehner of the Fightin' Ohio 8th! You're looking to be the next Speaker of the House. As such, we've decided to equip the American Political Media with 23 evergreen headlines in the inevitable event your already-emotional tenure in the U.S. House of Representatives gets any more interesting.

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​As the results of America's midterm elections come to light, the Village Voice's expert panel of political thinkers and shapers will be weighing in live over the course of the evening. Covering California's landmark vote on whether or not to legalize Marijuana, Proposition 19, is our special correspondent, a self-certified expert in the field of Marijuana Studies and an avid reader of High Times, Broam Chronsky. Broam?

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​Have you heard? Today is our 55th Birthday! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY! As such, we've made a list of things you can buy us for it. After all, you know how much all of this costs you, the reader? Nothing. So you've obviously got the extra scratch lying around. Without further ado, here is what you should get and/or do for us:More >>

Click to Enlarge. Not like that.

​What are you going to be gift-wrapping this holiday season? A Squinky? A Sing-A-Ma-Jig? A Gremlin? Maybe for the children. But alas, a gift has arrived that will bring all Americans -- Red State, Blue State, Green Party, whatever -- together. If they're creepy.

It's a vibrator.
It's a vibrator made in the likeness of Barack Obama.

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​A Reuters article today entitled "Lee makes himself more enticing for Yankees" notes that Texas Rangers southpaw Cliff Lee -- who delivered the New York Yankees a brutal slaying last night -- is looking more and more enticing to the 2009 World Series Champion Team, and that the Yankees can and will convince anyone to sell their soul to our city. Yes, even Texans.

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​Did you hear the big news? New York's angriest, smelliest gubernatorial candidate, Carl Paladino, is going to be on the TEE-VEE tonight at 5:13 p.m.. What's going to happen? Nobody knows! We have some ideas.

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