Slave Plantation Hawks "Day of Pure Chocolate Indulgence At Monticello," Proudly Extolls "Chocolate Was a Favorite of Jefferson's"

Straight from the files of "Historical Shit That Can't Be Made Up," we woke up this morning to a pretty unbelievable email from the Thomas Jefferson Foundation with the subject line, "Taste: Chocolate at Monticello."

Oh my, we thought, before opening it. Surely someone in TJ's PR office might be sensitive to and knowledgeable enough of, er, certain Jefferson proclivities to be wary of harping about his "taste" for chocolate!?

Apparently not.

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Facebook 'Business' Cards Are Here

What do you get for the person who has everything, including a Facebook account? A Facebook "business" card, of course! We're not sure if these are more or less insufferable than the Facebook shower curtain (equally so, perhaps, but different?). On one hand, the point of Facebook is, we suppose, to network, so giving someone a card with your contact info on it instead of making them search through the "Jennifer Dolls" to try to find you in the bleary hours of the next day may be an efficiency-positive move. On the other hand, do you really want to proclaim your devotion to Mark Zuckerberg's social networking beast with such American Psycho devotion? What's the thickness of this card stock, anyway? (200,000 users will get them free -- otherwise, they start at $15 for 50.)

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Mike Bloomberg, Commander-in-Chief of World's Seventh Biggest Army, Gets Taiwanese Animation Treatment [VIDEO]

Earlier this week, Mayor Bloomberg made a speech where he said has his "own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world." The speech was covered by Hunter Walker on the New York Oberserver's Politicker NY blog, along with this modest gem from the mayor: "I have my own State Department, much to Foggy Bottom's annoyance. We have the United Nations in New York, and so we have an entree into the diplomatic world that Washington does not have."

Now, the mayor's words have led to an international incident of epic proportions: they've been given the Taiwanese animation treatment.

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Behold, the Martin "Loofah" King Exfoliating Glove!

"I have a clean...and so can you, for just $6.92!"
Have you been searching high and low for that "fantastic novelty house warming gift," as puts it? Have you been dreaming of a way to make it so that your "skin appears always fresh," while scrubbing your ass with the face of the man who dreamed his children would not be "judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character"?

Then perhaps the Martin Loofah King exfoliating glove is for you!!!!!

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Jerry Sandusky's Book, Touched, Is Still on Amazon

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Unless you've been living under a rock without WiFi for the past 48 hours, even the sports unconscious will have heard the names "Joe Paterno" and "Jerry Sandusky." Last night's firing of Penn State head coach Paterno and school president Graham Spanier by the board of trustees over how the school has handled child-sex abuse allegations against assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, who has been charged with 40 counts of sexually abusing minors, spurred riots from Penn State students who really should know better.

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Friendly Cult Looking For Recruits at Occupy Wall Street!

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Occupy Wall Street is almost two months old, but last night was the first time the Voice had noticed an odd-looking brown bus parked on Liberty across from Zuccotti Park. It kind of looked like a huge '70s-style RV. A sign on the door read "Welcome. Please come in!"

We did as suggested and encountered The Twelve Tribes, to our knowledge the first cult (or cult-ish group, at least) that is making an attempt to recruit people at the protest.

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Occupy...The Village Voice?

Steven Thrasher
The Voice box, the Strand bag, and this lady making the best of things
When we first saw this woman using one of our boxes as a bed/couch on Bowery this afternoon, we assumed it was an absurd, but one-time, incident.

But it turns out, our paper really does comfort the afflicted -- even if only for a few days.

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The 55-Size Individually Fit Condom Line Is Here

Closing out the week on the condom beat, it's come to our attention that there's a new condom out there, being sold by our friends at Condomania who, as we wrote earlier this week, are selling an Occupy Wall Street condom and also kindly giving it away free to protesters. (The company asks that you be patient with your requests as they've had a busy week; they will get to you!). But we couldn't resist asking some more questions, because, well, when you have something of a condom expert on the phone, what else can you possibly do? Adam Glickman of Condomania informed us that there's a new condom, just out this week, that may change condoms forever.

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Rick Perry and the Curious Case of 'Niggerhead' Ranch

No, this isn't what the sign on Rick Perry's property was referring to.
Courtesy of a great story in the Washington Post, Rick Perry and his advisors are going to have a hard time observing their sabbath as a day of rest this Sunday.

When we awoke this morning to read in Politico's Playbook that the phrase "Niggerhead" will now always be associated with the Perry campaign, we initially wondered if it referred to something else.

Had Perry bought a lake in upstate New York? Afraid it might upstage his own, was he in-artfully referring to the Chia head of Barack Obama? Had he found an even more politically incorrect name for those chocolate-covered European candies known as "Negro Heads"?

Or, perhaps, was Perry's campaign offering the crudest possible caption for just exactly what he was doing to that corn dog?

In reality, what the name referred to was worse than any of these absurd possibilities. "Niggerhead," the Post reports, is the name of a hunting ranch the Perry family has leased since the 1980s.

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The Yogasm Is Enjoying Its 15 Minutes

Yogasms have been discussed among practitioners of yoga and orgasms (quietly and behind closed doors!) for a while, but it is only now that they are truly getting their time in the sun, with devotees finally coming forward to talk about what happens during class. The Daily Beast can be credited with a thorough investigation into this phenomenon, which lends itself quite naturally to a 2-page piece, "Are Yogasms Real?". (Some say yes!) A yogasm, if you haven't gotten it already, is when a women has an orgasm -- spur of the moment, without any touching or anything! -- while doing yoga.

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