Even though America loves a shitshow, and has every right to do so, we think this particular shitshow has gone on too long. Watching Charlie Sheen flame out again has been amusing, in part, but, much like his porn stars, we've taken to hiding in the bathroom and cringing. That is to say, we've come to desire a rapid end of our time with him for a number of reasons. Among his crimes:
Snow. It's everywhere. And it seems like it's never going to stop. And it's affecting us in more ways than we even thought. Along with "snow-related layoffs" leading to a spike in the numbers of people who are collecting unemployment now, snow is also just a plain old downer, apparently. The New York Daily News talked to an actual NYU Medical Center doctor who says there is "a definite link between the brutal winter and the battered psyches of New Yorkers." 
Well, this is upsetting. Depending on what your name is, of course. According to Boston Globe writer Jennifer Graham, the name Jennifer -- once so vibrant and youthful, the queen (rather, princess; queens are named, like, Elizabeth) of the popular kids -- may actually denote that you're getting up there in the years. This particular Jennifer, apparently, had an awkward interchange with the worst waitress ever, also named Jennifer, who had no idea someone as elderly as her customer (a veritably ancient 48!) might bear her own name. 
This week marked the self-declared SOS Week for Pat's Papers, the Internet site of NY1 anchor Pat Kiernan, upon which he collects his trademark "smartly selected" array of each day's headlines. We're fans of Pat (we read his Papers regularly) and, as such, really hope his site survives. We checked in with him to see how the efforts to save it were going. The good news: He's not pulling the plug yet.
We at the Voice have long been huge fans of Pat Kiernan, who won our Village Voice Web Award "Best Use of Twitter to Promote a Personal Brand" and who entertains us regularly with his "smartly selected U.S. newspaper stories" chronicled on his website, Pat's Papers, each day. Alas, today he writes:
Science nerds, astronomy fans, and people who like to look up at the sky and see things: There will be a total lunar eclipse Tuesday morning -- meaning that the sun, the Earth, and the moon will all align, with the moon entirely in the Earth's shadow. This is the first time it's happened in almost three years, and we New Yorkers will have a good vantage point for it, presuming we can stay up that late. 
via NASA/Mr. Eclipse/Fred Espenak
It is Foster's last day today. We feel things. We wrote this. 
Oh, Foster. It seems we only just met, and at the same time, that we've known you all of our lives. You've been there working side by side with us, sweating through our respectable button-downs that summer when you had the only office fan, crossing the dusty, dangerous moat to our formidable HQ as the seasons changed but the coffee runs and "late-night jam sessions" and scaffolding stayed the same, or huddling over the communal fire-pit to warm our frigid fingers on the cold, dark nights when the Internet's thirst seemed positively vampiric, and not in a "sexy Edward Cullen" sort of way.
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So many gift guides, so little time. But how many lists of gifts under $50, or gifts for moms-to-be, or gifts for boyfriends and girlfriends and dogs can you really look at before wondering, where is the gift guide to end all gift guides? Where is the gift guide for the curmudgeons, cougars, and deviant social miscreants in your life, the people you actually have no idea what to buy? Well, HERE IT IS.
#76, Golden Girls Xmas Ornaments
Giving presents during the holiday season is a cherished pastime that will never fade. But giving bedbugs to someone is definitely not festive in any way, shape, or form. In the unfortunate case that someone has given you the "present" of bedbugs and you're broke from spending all of your money buying real presents for people -- or simply would prefer to receive a gratis bed bug treatment (who wouldn't?), there is help in sight. Bed Bug Central is giving out charitable bed bug services to those who need it.
How festive!
Dear California -
Tomorrow, you vote on Proposition 19, which is an opportunity to legalize Marijuana in California. Right now, the referendum's prospects don't look great, as it's currently polling seven points under being voted into law. You've got to pass this thing (to the left). Not just for you, but for America. Though especially us.
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