www.hipsterjew.com

Every time a natural disaster destroys entire communities, a handful of religious idiots blame it on gay people and the politicians who defend their civil rights. Hurricane Sandy is no exception.

In most cases, however, the moronic ramblings of fringe lunatics are routinely ignored by elected officials. That, however, is not the case with Hurricane Sandy.

In the aftermath of the storm, wing-nut Southern Christians claimed the hurricane was God's way of punishing the New York State Legislature for voting in favor of gay marriage. But Southern Christians aren't the only idiots who think unfortunate weather is divine punishment for defying God's word (as it's explained in thousands-of-years-old works of fiction).

Enter Rabbi Noson Leiter, the leader of the group Torah Jews for Decency, who is the latest homophobe to blame a storm on gays who occupy lower Manhattan -- which he describes as "one of the national centers for homosexuality."

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Nearly 600,000 New Yorkers still are without power after Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the Big Apple earlier this week, and Governor Andrew Cuomo appears to be a little pissed off.

The governor sent a letter to the CEOs and presidents of seven utility companies telling them -- in no uncertain terms -- that he plans to hold them accountable for their preparation (or lack thereof) for the storm, which he apparently thinks is the reason so many people still are without electricity.

"If you failed to prepare, however, as evidenced by your response, it is a failure to keep your part of the bargain - a failure to keep the trust that New Yorkers have placed in you by granting you the privilege to conduct utility business in New York State; in particular, the certificates of public convenience and necessity ("Certificate") granted by the State under the Public Service Law," Cuomo says in his letter. "New Yorkers should not suffer because electric utilities did not reasonably prepare for this eventuality. In the context of the ongoing emergency, such a failure constitutes a breach of the public trust."

See Cuomo's letter below.

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As you know, weather happened in New York City this week, leaving dozens dead, millions without power, and pundits arguing about whether "Global Warming" is an actual thing.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg appears to be on the side of Al Gore and the Inconvenient Truth-ers -- yesterday, the mayor endorsed President Barack Obama in this year's presidential election, citing "climate change" contributing to Hurricane Sandy's wrath as his primary reason.

Governor Andrew Cuomo fell short of blaming the hurricane on Global Warming during a press conference Wednesday, but he noted that New York needs to come up with a better way to prepare for "a 100-year flood every two years."

Global Warming is a touchy subject -- many look at it as a serious problem that could potentially lead to the destruction of the planet. Others see it as a left-wing conspiracy dreamed up by Gore -- et al -- to scare the shit out of people.

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www.austintechnologylaw.com

Tip No. 1: Don't let this guy fix your house.

So, your house was destroyed and it's time to rebuild. You're probably going to need a contractor. Unfortunately, there are a lot of slimeballs out there who will undoubtedly do whatever they can to scam hurricane victims and exploit a natural disaster for personal gain.

But there are ways to reduce the risk of getting victimized by these shameless hurricane opportunists -- many of which are explained by New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Last night, Schneiderman offered suggestions on how to keep New York's hurricane victims safe from predatory scumbags looking to rip us off.

See Schneiderman's suggestions below.

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Naked Pastor

Duh.

Hurricane Sandy was caused by Iranian technology that's capable of controlling weather patterns to punish Iran's enemies and the enemies of its friends. The reason the storm hit New York so hard is because God is punishing the Empire State for defying his word and allowing gay people to get married.

But what really caused the storm was "American arrogance" -- it's just nature's way of giving the U.S. a "divine slap" for its godless policies, including allowing women to vote.

Those are just a few of the theories laid out on the blogosphere by morons who unfortunately are allowed Internet access.

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CNBC

Our apologies for our two-day absence. We were holed up in an apartment in an "evacuation zone" in Long Island City that, as it turns out, we probably should have evacuated.

We've since escaped to the (umm) safety (?) of Crown Heights, Brooklyn, after the floodwaters receded in LIC, and Con Ed was yet to restore power to the apartment in which we were stranded for the duration of the storm.

While we were there, however, we met a (roughly) nine-year-old Queens boy who claims he has seen "way worse" than the devastation brought on by that bitch Sandy -- and he told us about it after diving right into the roughly three feet of water that was in the stairwell of the apartment building in which we were trapped.

Just to be clear, there's absolutely no way in hell this kid has seen anything close to what happened in Long Island City on Monday night; cars were floating down the fucking street -- and he's nine. But the Rambo-esque way in which he said it made us want to believe -- he might as well have had a knife between his teeth.

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The video embedded above shows an explosion at the Con Ed plant at 14th Street and the FDR. It was first posted on the web by TrillianMedia.

Power currently is out in much of lower Manhattan following what authorities say was the brunt of Hurricane Sandy.

So far, authorities the storm has claimed five lives, including a 30-year-old Queens man who was crushed by a falling tree.

Check back for updates.

James King

Dude, where's my car? Check the river that is now Long Island City.

If you parked your car in the street in low-lying areas of Long Island City, we hope you're sitting down right now -- because your car is probably fucked.

Three blocks inland of the East River in LIC is completely under water. We took the above photo from the third floor of an apartment building that's roughly 400 yards from the bank of the river.

The photo below is what the stairwell in the aforementioned apartment building looks like.

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James King

"Police tape? I didn't see any police tape?"

The NYPD just put up crime scene tape at the entrance to Gantry Plaza State Park along the East River in Long Island City -- which is adorable, and all, but it's done precisely nothing to stop people from entering the park.

We headed over there about 30 minutes ago to get a look at the river. What we found was the police tape -- and about two dozen people gawking at the white caps on the East River.

Many of those people -- like us -- were still in their pajamas.

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www.prankplace.com

When Hurricane Sandy hits New York this afternoon, you can expect three things: wind, rain, and a bunch of shit-faced New Yorkers.

New York City emergency officials advised residents over the weekend to stock up on things like water, flashlights, canned food, candles, and other items to help New Yorkers weather the impending hurricane that's expected to come crashing into the Big Apple about 4 p.m.

Not on the list was booze -- which, according to alcohol distributors in Queens, apparently is essential to surviving a hurricane.

Liquor and grocery stores in the city saw a spike in the sale of booze over the weekend as New Yorkers apparently plan to ride out the storm with a buzz.

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