Bronx Man Accidentally Gets $44 Million Hospital Bill; Hilarious Headlines Ensue

A Bronx man got charged some $44 million for a $300 hospital bill, which he says worried him so much that it almost prompted an asthma attack, the Daily News reports.

Alexis Rodriguez, however, realized that he couldn't possibly owe that much money, so he did some investigating and found out that Bronx-Lebanon Hospital's billing company just screwed up.

The invoice was the result of a computer error, so Rodriguez and several other patients with similar billing problems will not have to pay Bronx-Lebanon a small nation's GDP for simple medical services. The story's happy ending gets even better: The company behind the mistake has apologized, which is real thoughtful and stuff.

Since all's well, we have decided make absurdist lemons into lemonade, and find the humor in something so terrifyingly Kafkaesque.

Behold the best headlines about Rodriguez' saga.

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BREAKING: City Vows to Marry Every Couple on Sunday Who Entered Wedding Lottery

823 couples just won a different kind of New York Lottery
Well, 59 extra couples are going to be very happy this Sunday!

When New York City recently received a whopping 2,600 marriage license requests, with over half of those indicating they wanted to wed this Sunday (the first day of legal same-sex marriage) they started a lottery to determine who would be one of the 764 couples they could accomodate. The lottery was open from noon Tuesday until noon today, and 823 couples applied. This evening, the city said they're going to accomodate the extra 59 couples and wed each and every one, according to The Advocate.

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Phoenix Man Attacked by 100,000 Bees

This is just terrifying: In Phoenix, a homeless man was attacked by a swarm of, apparently, some 100,000 bees, while he was simply walking down the street. "He was stung several thousand times," reports MyFoxPhoenix, and went into anaphylactic shock, but is expected to recover, though he'll surely never look at a bee the same way again. Jesus.

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Charlie Sheen Visits Alabama to Help With Tornado Relief. For Real.

So, it seems that Charlie Sheen is trying to help out after deadly tornadoes hit Alabama last week. He visited Tuscaloosa today (wearing a white University of Alabama hat) "to survey tornado damage" and meet with Mayor Walt Maddox, who's hopeful that Sheen's celebrity status will help with raising money to repair the city.

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With Grandma Dead in the Closet, Man Has Sex in Her Bed

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This makes that USC "sex on the roof" story seem borderline commendable. Larry Davis, a 21-year-old man, was having sex with a 20-year-old woman in his grandmother's East Harlem apartment when two relatives barged in, concerned that they hadn't seen Cora Davis, 76, in two days. After interrupting Davis's coitus with questions like, "Where's Mama?" a relative threatened to call the cops, and Davis ran away. Upon arrival, the police had a very unpleasant discovery.

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World Leaders Meet to Discuss Gadhafi; Deadly Bronx Zoo Cobra Still Missing, But on Twitter; AMC Could Cancel Mad Men

• More than 40 world leaders, including U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, will attend a conference today in London to "plan ways to put pressure" on Moammar Gadhafi. "The purpose of this conference is to broaden and deepen the coalition effort," said British Foreign Secretary William Hague. "We all want to see that cease-fire. We all want to see Gadhafi go." Barack Obama has defended military intervention in Libya, but says that overthrowing Gadhafi by force would be a mistake. [CNN, BBC]

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Independents Think Charlie Sheen Would Be a Better President Than Sarah Palin

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Charlie Sheen or Sarah Palin? Charlie Sheen or Sarah Palin? Apparently we are not the only people struggling with the difficult question of which of those two incredibly qualified, sane, intelligent, politically savvy personas we would elect president. Thankfully, there has been a poll, and we have answers. Via Public Policy Polling, independents would apparently elect Charlie Sheen before they would elect Sarah Palin, by a 41/36 margin. Is this good or is this bad? We really can't say. Then there's this...

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Bristol Palin Memoir Is Allegedly Happening; Derrick Oaks Is Your New Subway Hero; 40 States Are Freezing

Bristol Palin, 20-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin and no longer teen mom (or Dancing With the Stars contender), has a memoir in the works. Of course she does! It's apparently 304 pages and currently titled "Untitled Bristol Palin Memoir," according to Amazon, where forums are busy discussing the book's possibilities. It's reportedly scheduled for a June release, though Amazon seems to have removed the book listing. Curious. Meanwhile, Snooki is a New York Times best-seller. Really. [NYDN]

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Someday, the Homeless Will Wear Ed Hardy

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It hurts.
So, Super Top Secret, an interactive design and advertising shop based in Utah, has embarked on a plan to make the world "less sucky." They've printed up a bunch of T-shirts, and they're offering one of those shirts to anyone who will send in their own "heinous Affliction or Ed Hardy tee." They will donate said heinous tee to the homeless, making for what they describe as a win win situation:

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Suicidal Jumper Saved by Landing on Garbage; Arkansas Birds Fall From Sky; Facebook Now Worth $50 Billion

Good morning, happy back-to-work Monday, and welcome to 2011! Today is Joe Coscarelli's first day of weekday blogging on Runnin' Scared, which we are very excited about. Please join me in heckling him as much as possible. In other morning news...

• Yesterday in New York a suicidal man jumped from building in Midtown Manhattan, only to be saved by the pile of garbage, not picked up on account of the blizzard of '10, which he landed on. He is in critical but stable condition. [NYDN]

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