Mayor Bloomberg Congratulates @ElBloombito For Winning a Village Voice Web Award

The Village Voice Web Awards were last night, have you heard? People won stuff. People drank and it led to hangovers. And it looks as though Mayor Bloomberg/whoever runs his Twitter was in the loop, because his account tweeted a message of congratulations last night to @ElBloombito, winner of Best Parody Twitter Account:

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If You're Not Geoffrey Mutai, You Lost the New York Marathon, Loser

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via Wikipedia
The guy who beat you.
Today, the New York Marathon course record was shattered by Geoffrey Mutai. The 30-year-old Kenyan ran it in 2:05:06, beating the previous record by 2 minutes and 37 seconds. Mutai also won the Boston marathon earlier in the year and set the course record for that race as well. If you are reading this, Geoffrey, congratulations! If you aren't Geoffrey Mutai, get back to work, you miserable sack of failure.

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Comments Of The Week: Bringing Back The Village Voice T-Shirt Giveaway

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Comments Of The Week is back! We're resuming our post giving away a free t-shirt to commenters who supplied us with our favorite comments, which range from the helpful to the "we have no idea what's going on here, but it amuses us." Email Web Editor Francesca Stabile (fstabile@villagevoice.com) to claim your prize if we have deemed you worthy. After the jump, this week's comments:

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Smash Mouth Will Eat the Eggs; Guy Fieri May Prepare Them

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Last week, we told you about one man's mission to get Steve Harwell, the lead singer of washed-up alternative rock band Smash Mouth, to eat two dozen eggs. A month after John Hendren tweeted at Smash Mouth for the first time, they accepted his challenge on the condition that fans donate $10,000 to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. In one short week, that goal was exceeded by enthusiastic fans. Today, Harwell told the Huffington Post that he wants to ask his friend Guy Fieri to prepare the eggs. There is also discussion of how Harwell likes his eggs, but if he's going to do it right, they had better be hardboiled like in Cool Hand Luke.

Novak Djokovic Wins Wimbledon Men's Title

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Novak Djokovic defeated Rafael Nadal to win his first Wimbledon title today. The world number one beat Nadal in four sets; 6-4, 6-1, 1-6, 6-3. Djokovic's record in 2011 is 48-1, which would be pretty good even if he wasn't playing against professional tennis players the entire time. Yesterday, Petra Kvitova took the women's title. Tune into NBC right now to catch the sexual tension of the mixed doubles final. [ESPN]

Pierre Hotel Maids Learn Self-Defense to Prevent Sexual Assault

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After prominent Egyptian banker Mahmoud Abdel-Salam Omar was arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a maid at The Pierre Hotel (to say nothing of DSK's alleged attack on a maid at the Sofitel), management has decided that they aren't going to take any more chances. Yesterday, the entire staff of the famous hotel took self-defense classes with second-degree-blackbelt instructor Mary Ann Carron. The staff took half-hour classes in shifts while dressed in their full uniforms (including high heels). The staffers reported that after the classes, they were more confident in their abilities to defend themselves. One employee told the Post, "It was good... I feel prepared." John Turchiano, a spokesman for the New York Hotel and Motel Trades Council is confident that other hotels will take the Pierre's lead and start offering similar training. [NYP]

Runnin' Scared Wins Eurovision Song Contest

Well, "Running Scared," I guess. Whatever! Congratulations to Eli and Nikki, representatives of Azerbaijan and the performers of this blog's new theme song.

If anyone out there is handy with video editing, can you please replace Eli and Nikki's faces in the following video with those of Joe Coscarelli and Jen Doll?

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Comedian Currently Watching Every Episode of Two and a Half Men

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Today in masochism: there is a comedian named Gil Ozeri who is currently watching every single episode of Two and a Half Men in a row, sans interruptions. The whole thing is streaming online here. Fittingly enough, all of the episodes of Charlie Sheen's famously mediocre sitcom (there are 177 of them) add up to 62 hours -- almost exactly two and a half days. He just finished episode 60-something.

Things are getting pretty grim.

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Charlie Sheen Not Really @CharlieSheen

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Liar.
‚ÄčSorry to tell you this, but you've been lied to. The man behind such gems as "this just in.... another cosmic fastball from theMind of your fav Warlock; Earn Yourself. #EarnYourself" is not actually actor, winner and drug addict Charlie Sheen; it's someone he's hired to be his "Tweet Master." Kind of disappointing but when you think about it...duh. (Has that gotten old yet?)
 

The dude is one Bob Maron, who tweets from the Charlie Sheen account after Sheen tells him what to say. Why not just cut out the middleman, Charlie? And does the Guinness World Record go to Sheen or Maron?

[via Radar Online]

[@_rosiegray]

Thomas Dold, 6-Time Stair-Climbing Champ, Would Get There Faster in an Elevator

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illustir
Yesterday, we profiled the hot new craze "stair-climbing." Since our coverage, the majority of Americans have been clamoring to find out more about this thrilling test of endurance. Unfortunately, ESPN and other major sports outlets have spent the day focusing on the Super Bowl (whatever that is). As the worldwide leader in stair-climbing news, we are thrilled to announce the winner of today's Empire State Building Run-Up.

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