The Augusta National Golf Club joined the 19th century yesterday when it announced that it's finally admitted two female members to the previously all-male club, which has many applauding the club's decision to finally end its ban on penis-ly challenged members.

Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and South Carolina financier Darla Moore will become the first female members to break through the old-boy barrier. Just so we're clear, it's currently 2012.

"This is a joyous occasion," Augusta National chairman Billy Payne says in a statement released yesterday. "We are fortunate to consider many qualified candidates for membership at Augusta National.... It will be a proud moment when we present Condoleezza and Darla their green jackets when the club opens this fall. This is a significant and positive time in our club's history and, on behalf of our membership, I wanted to take this opportunity to welcome them and all of our new members into the Augusta National family."

While Payne may find the club's decision to end its "male only" policy "joyous" and "proud," we find it to be more insulting and humiliating.

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So there has apparently been a big leadership shakeup at Susan G. Komen for the Cure, the country's best known breast cancer charity, after its stupid, stupid decision to cut funding to Planned Parenthood in January resulted in public outrage.

The changes? As per Komen P.R.: "Founder and CEO Nancy G. Brinker announced plans to move to a new management role focusing on revenue creation, strategy and global growth as chair of the Komen Board Executive Committee when the search for a new senior executive has been completed. At the same time, Komen President Liz Thompson announced plans to leave the organization in September."

Also: "Board members Brenda Lauderback and Linda Law, who have served on the Komen board since 2008 and 2009 respectively, are leaving the board of directors."

This announcement comes, of course, after Karen Handel, Komen's vice president for public policy, stepped down in February.

For what it's worth (probably nothing), Komen spokespeople totally promise that these changes have nothing to do with the January mess.

All that said, we wonder: Can these changes make any difference?

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An example of a woman.

Let's say -- completely hypothetically, simply for the sake of argument, of course -- that you are running a Congressional campaign.

And let's also say -- again, completely hypothetically, simply for the sake of argument -- that your first campaign manager spokesman recently resigned after writing a Facebook wall post that said: "Let's hurl some acid at those female democratic Senators who won't abide the mandates they want to impose on the private sector."

It would seem -- once more, completely hypothetically, simply for the sake of argument -- that your next campaign staffer probably shouldn't also have a history of saying sketchy things about women, because that would be (A) dodgy and (B) just plain bad politics.

For Republican Rep. Nan Hayworth, of New York's 18th Congressional District, however, this (perplexingly) is not a hypothetical at all.

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Today, for the first time in history, women across the nation will receive contraceptives without cost

Today brings free contraception for all (as long as you're one of the millions insured and you don't work for a Catholic organization), under the Affordable Care Act. Effective today, these provisions cover most major preventive services without a co-pay.

According to data provided by Planned Parenthood, women spend nearly $600 annually on birth control. The organization says that 45 million women are already benefiting from the ACA and that these new provisions will provide 12.8 million women of reproductive age access to insurance coverage.

We spoke to Alice Berger, VP of Health Care Planning at Planned Parenthood NYC, to find out more about how these provisions will impact the women of New York City.

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Wendy Long, New York's Republican U.S. Senate candidate, has lots to say about your ladyparts.

As we reported last week, Long is apparently against abortion in all cases and anti-birth control.

Now, news has surfaced indicating that Long has put contraception in a patriotic context, saying in stump speeches that soldiers "didn't die for what Kirsten Gillibrand is saying -- for the right to force religious employers to pay for their employees' contraception," according to HuffPo (via a Thursday night RH Reality Check post).

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Team Romney might pick a woman as Mitt's running mate, reports now indicate.

As the Atlantic Wire's Elspeth Reeve pointed out, this marks a drastic shift from the campaign's previous "no more Palins" / "boring white guy" approach to potential veeps, which "appeared to rule out not just candidates who'd fail foreign policy quizzes, but also candidates who are female."

Of course, this raises a couple of questions. Romney hasn't exactly billed himself as a progressive candidate when it comes to the ladies -- he doesn't even have anything for women on the "issues" section of his campaign website.

But is it possible that maybe he is open minded enough to consider a woman for the position?

Let's look at Mitt's record on ladybusiness for some insight into this...

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This just in: after shit hit the fan news broke that State Sen. Marty Golden's taxpayer-funded career-skills workshop for women would teach them how to play up their "feminine presence" -- such as how to "sit, stand and walk like a model," "walk up and down a stair elegantly;" and "differences in American and Continental rules governing handshakes and introductions" -- the senator announced that he is "not [going] to hold" the event.

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To The Honorable State. Sen. Martin Golden, of The Venerable 22nd District:

Sir, it has been brought to my attention that you intend to hold a taxpayer-funded career-development workshop in which you will instruct the fairer sex in the feminine arts.

Specifically, as has been reported by City & State, the goal is to teach would-be business women ladylike behaviour: "posture, deportment and the feminine presence" such as how to "sit, stand and walk like a model," "walk up and down a stair elegantly;" and "differences in American and Continental rules governing handshakes and introductions."

I, for one, cannot emphasize how necessary this is: as I was churning butter this morning and dipping the day's candles, I came to realize that today's young women are simply too spirited to succeed in the business world -- they don't pay enough deference to the rules of polite society rightfully established by their fathers, brothers, and clergymen.

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Goddamn, have we got some good news for your ladyparts!

As the Voice's inimitable Steven Thrasher reported this morning, the Supreme Court of the United States upheld Barack Obama's Affordable Care Act, claiming that the ACA is constitutionally kosher as a tax.

Almost immediately after, Planned Parenthood and other reproductive health group's lauded SCOTUS' ruling, with the New York chapter calling the 5-4 decision a "resounding" and "amazing" victory for women.

But why is Obamacare so great for ladies, you might ask?

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Meteorologists say that summer starts June 1. Astronomers, however, peg the season to the solstice -- so June 20 of this year. If you live in New York, however, summer officially begins when your air conditioning-less rathole becomes unlivable, driving you into the streets in search of ice-cold boozahol.

In addition to excessive drinking, another all-natural way of beating the heat is wearing the right kind of clothing. Lucky for us ladies -- and some very brave men -- we get to sport these breezy little numbers called "skirts" all season long.

But with rights come responsibility, so they say. Unlike the countryside, our town presents particular, peculiar challenges: New York City is filled with subways and stairs and wind and people watchers and perverts, so you have to be careful in your skirts! Modesty and manners, as our mothers tried to teach us, are key to civil society. Baring your ass to the world just isn't as admirable as baring your soul.

At the Voice, we're very concerned about being prim and proper -- delicate flowers we are --- and wanted to share our hard-earned insights with you. So stop gnawing that wad of dip in your cheek -- hey, we will too! -- and listen up.

Here's how to wear a skirt in New York like a lady, God damn it.

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