Wet, Naked Man Could Have Caused a Lot of Problems at JFK If He Knew How

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In a far too short story, the New York Post informs us of a "dripping-wet, naked man" eventually identified as Greg Rodriguez, 30, who managed to get over an 8-foot-high barbed wire fence at JFK Airport yesterday morning. This put him very, very close to a storage facility housing quite a lot of jet fuel, which would have been worrisome had he actually been up to no good and brilliant and evil instead of just sort of nuts, or in the wrong place at the wrong (naked) time, apparently. While one Port Authority spokeswoman said that Rodriguez was never a threat, another official asked, "If this guy was a former Navy SEAL or someone with special-ops training from another country, do you have any idea the amount of havoc and fear he could have caused?" Rodriguez has been charged with trespassing. At least he wasn't hiding a stun gun. [NYP]

Semen in Water Bottle Leads to Strange Detective Work, Assault and Battery Conviction

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Warning: this is gross and sexually charged. A Los Angeles man -- a seemingly pretty normal guy, really, with a wife and everything -- has been found guilty of ejaculating into a co-worker's water bottle. Michael Lallana, 32, was convicted of assault and battery, with jurors finding true "the allegation that he did it for sexual gratification," according to a local CBS affiliate. As we detailed originally, and horrifyingly, the unidentified victim was abused two different times, brushing it off the first time, but pursuing DNA testing and legal action the second time she tasted semen in her water. But the CBS report includes an odd detail not previously reported.

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Cat and Dog: A Story of Unrequited Love

She's tried everything. Playing hard to get, dressing up a little more, being more available, then less available, rubbing her butt on his face. And he's just not that into her.

Happy Valentine's Day! Ew, gross. See you next weekend when it's all blown over.

[rgray] [@_rosiegray]

The Plight of the Single Lady: 10 Lessons from 2010

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If you eat cheap chocolate ice cream, you will be sad, and a cliche.
Oh, it's been a year. As we head down the pike into the last glorious days of 2010, we can't help but reflecting on the mistakes made, the successes very nearly achieved, the many, most of all, things learned that we now need not ever do again. Because that's what learning is all about. Herewith, 9 Months (because that's how long we've been at this blog, it so happens) in The Plight of the Single Lady, or "10 Things We Learned About Dating This Year."

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Unabomber's Old Stomping Grounds Now Half Off: Scenic Vistas! Motivated Seller!

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Historic "FBI" tree included, via John Pistelak Realty
Would you want to live on the former land of the Unabomber, or, as the property's real estate agent puts it, "Own a piece of infamous U.S. history!"? If so, now is exactly the right time for you to scoop up Ted Kaczynski's old 1.4-acre property in Lincoln, Montana.


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Now Is the Ideal Time to Initiate That Brief Holiday Fling

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Holiday season! Isn't it a gas? All joy and holly jolly and regular holly, and finally getting to wear the Christmas sweater you've been thinking about all year? Except...there is so much to worry about. Giving the right present. Getting the wrong present. Spending all that money that you don't have. Trying not to eat the poinsettias. And -- gasp -- BEING ALONE.

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Love Is Like Morphine: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

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Seems like the grand and infinite powers of love just keep coming up in science and the news. This is probably not only because everyone wants to read about how love is like crack, but also because love really does have some weird powers. Take this latest study, in which researchers at Stanford University found that new love (that stuff that makes you feel giddy and sort of insane at the beginning of a relationship) can actually relieve pain, much like morphine.

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Kittehs Iz Making You Feel Better

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Election getting you down? Think cats! Because owning a cat or cats can apparently help improve your health, make you kinder and gentler, and ease you through your crazy cat lady days. Just what all the crazy cat ladies needed. Not to mention, cats are funny. Evidence to right.

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Half of Americans Claim They Would Live With a Ghost for Free Rent

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Today in statistics that have no bearing on your actual life but that are gratuitously pegged to an upcoming holiday, USA Today reports that 51% of discriminating residents would share their home with a ghost for free rent and 49% of people would decline to do so. Only 27% of people were willing to live with ghosts for half-off their rent. As if they have a choice.


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Woman Marries Self

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Someone's been watching a tad too much Sex and the City. A 30-year-old Taipei office worker named Chen Wei-yih has tired of all the social pressure to get married and the lack of anyone decent to get married to, so she's going it solo, with a wedding planner and photos and a white dress and everything, including 30 friends to witness the momentous occasion. And why not?

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