Ronald Poppo

"He chewed up my face. He plucked out my eyes. Basically that's all there is to say about it."

That's what Miami cannibal victim Ronald Poppo told police about the vicious May attack that left him blind and without a face.

Interviews Poppo gave to police after he was mauled by deceased cannibal Rudy Eugene on the side of a Miami causeway have been released to the media. In the interview, Poppo seems relaxed, sympathetic, and grateful that police were able to stop Eugene before he could do even more damage.

(Hear the interview below).

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Governor Andrew Cuomo announced yesterday that the New York State Department of Health has issued new regulations to crack down on bath-salt abuse, and the use of other synthetic drugs -- which is great; as we've documented, bath salts have a tendency to turn people into blood-thirsty maniacs.

The problem, however, is that the penalties for those who violate the ban don't have a lot of teeth -- violators face a fine of up to $500 and the possibility of up to 15 days in jail.

As we noted yesterday, we have a feeling that if you're at a place in your life where you've resorted to using bath salts to get high, a mere 15 days in the hoosegow probably isn't the end of the world.

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www.mileanhour.com

There's good news today for anyone who doesn't want their face chewed off by some bath-salt fueled cannibal: bath salts are now officially illegal in New York.

Governor Andrew Cuomo just announced that the New York State Department of Health has issued new regulations to crack down on bath-salt abuse, and the use of other synthetic drugs.

"Bath salts and other synthetic drugs pose a direct, serious threat to public health and safety, and we must do everything we can to remove these harmful substances from sale and distribution in New York," Cuomo said this morning. "The actions we are announcing today attack the problem by helping our law enforcement officers enforce the rules, expanding the list of banned substances used to manufacture bath salts, and imposing tougher penalties so those who sell these drugs are held accountable."

The gov might be on to something -- as we've come to find out, synthetic drugs have a tendency to turn people into blood-thirsty maniacs.

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www.zombieapocalypseacademy.org

There's a new hero in the ongoing Bath Salt Apocalypse: New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Apparently recognizing that synthetic drugs like bath salts bring out a person's inner-cannibal, Schneiderman has filed 12 lawsuits against head shop retailers across New York for violating the state's labeling laws by selling the designer drugs under the guise that they're merely "herbal incenses." However, these "herbal incenses" just happen to have been linked to dozens of violent (oftentimes cannibalistic) assaults across the country.

Further reading on the Bath Salt Apocalypse:

-Naked Georgia Man Rambles About Tupac and Biggie Before Threatening To Eat Cop
-Louisiana Man Gnaws Neighbor's Face
-Utica Woman Threatens To Eat Cop While High On Bath Salts
-Miami Zombie Eats Homeless Man's Face

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This mom probably isn't on bath salts.

Two days after giving birth, Carla Murphy, a resident of Altoona, Pennsylvania, smoked bath salts in the hospital's maternity ward and then attacked the medical center's staff, according to various media reports.

Nurses first became suspicious of Murphy because she reportedly was sweating profusely and "was then found naked and rolling around on the shower floor," according to the International Business Times.

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WSBTV

And just as we thought the ongoing zombie/bath salt apocalypse was starting to lose steam, a naked Georgia man threatened to eat a cop -- but that was only after going berserk at a driving range (again, while naked) and rambling about Biggie and Tupac.

As you may have guessed, the would-be cannibal was high on bath salts at the time.

Police in Gwinnett, Georgia, arrested 21-year-old Karl Laventure last month after responding to a call that a naked man holding a golf club was hysterically running around the Atlanta Golf Center.

When police tried to take Laventure into custody, he reportedly had "superhuman strength."

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Really, fellas?

As the rest of us try to cope with the impending Zombie Apocalypse, the animal rights group PETA is using the latest case of potential zombie-ism to push its Vegan agenda.

As we reported earlier this week, a Texas man was arrested near Waco on Monday after police say he ate the family dog -- after crawling around on all fours and growling at his neighbors -- while under the influence of synthetic marijuana.

In response, PETA is in the process of launching a campaign to encourage people to not eat pigs and "go vegan" -- because, according to the group, "pigs can play video games about as well as college students." They also can (again, according to PETA, not us) "turn on lights and heat in a barn, and perform many other sophisticated activities."

(Sigh).

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"Miami Cannibal" Rudy Eugene was sober when he ate a homeless man's face -- which makes the whole thing even scarier.

It turns out the "Miami Cannibal" who ate a homeless man's face in Florida last month wasn't under the influence of bath salts at the time of the attack. In fact, the only drug the medical examiner found in his system was marijuana, according to a report released today.

This, in our humble opinion, makes the vicious cannibalistic attack even scarier -- drugs didn't make Rudy Eugene go berserk, he apparently was just a maniac.

In the days following the attack, it was widely suggested that Eugene was under the influence of some sort of drug that prompted his psychotic behavior. Bath salts were the obvious candidate, considering they've been responsible for a number of other bizarre attacks, many of which included the user trying to eat another human being.

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Michael Daniel ate a dog (sigh).

Straight from the "what the fuck" files, we bring you the latest yarn from the ongoing Zombie Apocalypse. Today's installment comes from the great state of Texas, where police say a man ate the family dog after smoking synthetic marijuana.

Go ahead and let that sink in for a minute.

Michael Daniel, 22, was arrested near Waco yesterday after family members called police earlier this month to report that he was going berserk.

According to local media reports, on June 14, Daniel allegedly assaulted a few of his friends and neighbors while running around on all fours -- as he growled and barked like a dog.

Then the munchies set in...

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City of Utica Facebook page

Disclaimer: bath salts will make you eat people.

It's official: snorting bath salts makes you want to eat people.

Full disclosure: we've never done it. But there's a reason -- snorting bath salts apparently makes you want to fucking eat people!

The latest bath salt-inspired cannibal is a fellow New Yorker from Utica, who -- after attempting to eat a cop -- told authorities that she "wanted to kill someone and eat them."

According to a press release posted on the City of Utica's Facebook page, about 9 p.m. Saturday, police were called to Stanley's Bar at 618 Court Street in Utica to deal with an "emotional[ly] disturbed person."

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