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Stories

 

Status Ain't Hood's Greatest Hits

By Tom Breihan, Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 2:18PM
Comments (37)

TheFinalCountdownDVD.jpg

It won't be much longer now, so let's take a look back, one per month. Indulge me.

British Rappers Pretending to be Rappers. The very first Status Ain't Hood ever: a review of three shows I saw during one incredibly hectic weekend. Jesus Christ, I was younger then. This was back during the weird little moment when grime actually seemed like it might be a thing, but I can still safely say that that Kano set was among the best I've seen since I landed on these shores. I actually wrote a few of my favorite posts during that first month, August 05, like the Scream Tour review and the David Banner thing.

Kanye West Makes Me Proud. This was right after Hurricane Katrina, when it felt especially weird and trifling to be writing about music and getting paid for it. It started as a rant on Kanye blurting out against Bush on live TV, and then it turned into a rant about how much I loved Late Registration. (I loved that album.) I jammed out the whole thing in one long half-coherent chunk, and it turned out to be my first blog entry to rack up ten thousand hits.

Acting in a White Stripes/Michel Gondry Video, Part 1 and Part 2. I still can't quite understand how this happened. I'd interviewed Michel Gondry along with a few other music-video directors for D.I.W., and then, a few weeks later, I got a call from one of his people about maybe being in a video. The video turned out to be for the White Stripes' "Denial Twist," and it's one of the more middling entries in the Gondry oeuvre. I got my brother cast in it as well. (I'm Tall Conan; he's Tall Bodyguard, we're both wearing masks). I got to meet the White Stripes and Conan O'Brien, and we even eventually ended up getting paid for it. I also got in a shitheap of trouble with the White Stripes' publicity engine for writing about the thing the night I got done with shooting the video. A few months later, Jack White called me "some asshole actor" in an NME interview. And that's after I took out the line about Meg's fucked up teeth! I ended up seeing the video once on Fuse and once on MTV2.

The Irv Gotti Trial, Day One. This was back when my bosses at the Voice thought that maybe I was a real journalist, so they sent me to cover Irv and Chris Gotti's trial for money laundering, and I extensively blogged the thing every day for two weeks. Immediately the not-guilty verdicts came down, I ended up riding the couthouse elevator down with Irv and Ja Rule, both of them bouncing up and down all excited, Ja screaming "It's Murdah!" over and over.

Pitchfork's Year-End List Vs. Haters. I get all pissy over the comments section at Stereogum, music-writer hilarity ensues.

Status Ain't Hood Interviews Ghostface and Theodore Unit. I was working on my Wu-Tang reunion story, and I was supposed to interview Ghostface. Somehow that ended up entailing waiting around for four hours at the "Back Like That" video shoot to get ten minutes with the guy. And sometime during those four hours, a bunch of Theodore Unit guys grabbed my tape recorder and demanded to be interviewed. Total delirium.

A Zombie Apocalypse Playlist.
I came up with some total random-ass bullshit on a slow day, and my friends still clown me for it.

Three 6 Mafia: Oscar Winners.
One of the defining moments in my life, clearly. I miss Crunchy Black.

Things I Learned Watching Cam'ron's Killa Season. The picture that Grant Siedlecki drew for this entry ended up in 50 Cent's anti-Cam dis video a year or so later, which was just incredibly weird. This is a pretty good opportunity to shout out Grant, who drew or painted a ton of really great pictures for this blog over the years and who never asked for a cent. Also: I spent two and a half hours in a movie theater watching Killa Season. Just felt like I should point that out.

The Bamboozle Festival and the Emo Takeover.
Here's something else I did: I spent an entire weekend at an emo festival at the Giants Stadium parking lot. Never say I don't work for you guys.

Jay-Z's Reasonable Doubt Anniversary Show at Radio City: Really That Good. This ended up being my favorite show that I covered while working at the Voice. Jay knows how to make events happen.

Status Ain't Hood Interviews Method Man.
I loved this interview. Meth was unusually candid here, possibly because he was high as fuck and getting higher every minute. Immediately before I talked to Meth, one of the contestants from the I'm From Rolling Stone reality show interviewed him. When they showed it on TV, he and Meth were arm-wrestling. Definitely read to the end to see what Meth has to say about emo bands.

Status Ain't Hood Interviews the Mountain Goats. This was the first time I met John Darnielle, who went on to become a pretty good friend. That's been one of the great things about doing this blog: getting to meet and sometimes know heroes of mine. I think we spent as much time talking about comic books as we did about music here.

"Chicken Noodle Soup" Blamed for Alleged Terrell Owens Suicide Attempt. This entry had nothing to do with T.O.'s story; I just learned the art of Google-baiting headlines from the master. It was my account of the Webstar and Young B record-release party at the Rucker Park Playground in Harlem, lest anyone think the ringtone dance-rap thing is an exclusively Southern phenomenon.

Martin Scorsese Loves the Dropkick Murphys.
I guess someone from the band read my rant on how amped I was to hear "Shipping Up to Boston" in The Departed; I got a whole lot of autographed Dropkick Murphys stuff in the mail soon afterward.

Pitbull: Better Than Nas. People got so mad over this one! But the headline was just an inside joke! The piece didn't even mention Nas! It's just about how much I liked Pitbull's El Mariel, which, admittedly, was a whole fuck of a lot better than Hip Hop is Dead. For the record, though, I fully expect the self-titled Nas album to be better than The Boatlift, Pitbull's follow-up, which sucked.

Remembering James Brown. I've eulogized a great many important figures during my tenure here: Wilson Pickett, J. Dilla, Desmond Dekker, Lee Hazlewood, Bo Diddley. James Brown was unquestionably the biggest and most important of these, and I was truly proud of what I came up with here.

Live: High School Musical Runs the World. In an effort to understand the best-selling phenomenon of 2006, I went to the see the High School Musical tour in Jersey. Except I forgot my notepad, so I had to take notes on the wrinkled wrapper of the Auntie Ann's pretzel I'd bought at Port Authority. So: only unaccompanied adult male in an arena full of screaming kids, scribbling frantically on a scrap of wax paper. I enjoyed my time as the undisputed creepiest man alive. (Speaking of Disney, I'm writing this entry today because I forgot to DVR Camp Rock.)

Live: Conservative Boogeyman Toby Keith. This was my attempt to rip off Robert Christgau as accurately as possible, and I think it came off pretty well.

Status Ain't Hood Interviews LCD Soundsystem. The second-best interview I've ever done.

Sanjaya Malakar: America's Long National Nightmare Finally Ends. I had to put an American Idol post somewhere in here. Every time I wrote about that show, I got tons and tons of traffic from people who, judging by the comments, may have never read any form of music criticism before. This made me very, very happy.

Miranda Lambert and the Nature of Pop. Plenty of times in this space I've used some random-ass jumping-off point to get all nebulous and theoretical, and this is one of my favorite examples of that approach. I sort of used No Depression as a strawman here, but sometimes impassioned defenses of pop need strawmen.

OutKast and UGK's "International Players Anthem": Song of the Year.
I was just dizzy in love with this song when I wrote this, and I think it comes through. Actually, I'm still dizzy in love with this song.

Why You Can't Hear Against Me's Masterpiece. So I wrote this big impassioned rant about how Against Me's label had put copy-protection on retail copies of their album, how I couldn't rip the copy I bought to iTunes. Turns out my computer was just busted. Whoops.

Live: Daft Punk Smash Puny Humans. My five hundredth post, and the one where I was faced with the unenviable task of describing Daft Punk's euphoric headfuck of a live show. The more I think about this show, the more I love it.

Celebrity Rap Superstar: What Might've Been. So MTV asked me to try out to be one of the judges on this little abortion of a reality TV show, and for a little while I was all excited that maybe I'd get picked and my douchebag TV-commenter career would be off and running. When they didn't pick me, I got all sour-grapes and wrote this post. But given how that show turned out, thank God things happened the way they did.

Lil Wayne Should Slow Down. I don't always fall all over this guy! See? See? (October of last year was the month I got married, so I really didn't have too much to work with here.)

8 Diagrams: RZA's Drug-Rap Masterwork. It still bugs me out that everyone didn't fall in love with 8 Diagrams the way I did.

Vampire Weekend: Hated On Mostly. I had so much fun writing about these guys, which was probably a pretty significant reason why I loved the album as much as I did. Nothing gets me going a hype-controversy shitstorm.

Status Ain't Hood Interviews Killer Mike. The best interview I've ever done.

In Defense of Lil Wayne's "Lollipop." I really mean it, man.

Live: Grand Buffet Hate the Pope. Sometime in 2008, I realized I'd spent years writing Status Ain't Hood without ever repping for Grand Buffet. Mistake corrected. I love these guys, even if the rest of the world still hasn't noticed.

Live: Kanye West Justifies Everything. Proud to say I spazzed out on this one. Crusty Bonnaroo types don't know what they missed.

Status Ain't Hood Does Summer Jam, Again.
Any time I successfully make NY rap dudes sad that they missed Summer Jam, my work is done.

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Comments (37)

fullscale008 says:

where are you shipping off too?

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 5:11PM
fullscale008 says:

where are you shipping off too?

when are you writing your first book?

one love for the times

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 5:13PM
MK says:

You retiring?

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 5:20PM
blackleg says:

Say it ain't so, Tom.

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 6:12PM
Cashus clay says:

your forgetting about the time combat jack completely ethered your ass but good luck on your new ventures

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 6:24PM
Richard says:

Did you previously make an announcement I missed???

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 8:19PM
walkmasterflex says:

how about the diplo post where you threatened to beat a guy in the comments section? and yeah, where are you moving off to?

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 8:43PM
ondioline says:

As a veteran of 5 straight Bonnaroos, a huge Kanye fan, a huge Pearl Jam fan, and someone who was there for the whole convtroversy let me just say this: Kanye's set was fire. It also ruined Bonnaroo-Sunday. But the same people that were booing him and throwing glow sticks before he came out were going effing bananas during his set. I still hope he takes this and the summer jam thing and decides to be the biggest deal in the universe...

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 9:30PM
Suckapunkin' says:

I'd put the Biggie eulogy ahead of the James Murphy interview but that's just me. Good luck wherever you go (NY Times?). Oh and if the voice fired you, then fuck the voice.

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 9:42PM
Pat H. says:

They were dumb enough to fire Nathan Lee, so I wouldn't be surprised...

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 11:23PM
Pat H. says:

They were dumb enough to fire Nathan Lee, so I wouldn't be surprised...

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 11:23PM
Pat H. says:

They were dumb enough to fire Nathan Lee, so I wouldn't be surprised...

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 11:23PM
Tray says:

Hip Hop Is Dead was a very good album! I didn't even listen to El Mariel but I'm sure HHID was better! And no I'm not making fun of your readers, that's what I really think!

Posted On: Friday, Jun. 27 2008 @ 11:58PM
Daniel! says:

Not to sound hyperbolic, but I think your "Music and September 11" post five years on from the attacks was a really beautiful piece of writing. Especially like this part about "A Dream" by Jay-Z:

"Biggie's voice comes in, and it's doing the first verse from "Juicy," the one we all know word for word. Except there's one slight change, and it's on the part where Biggie says "time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade"; the "World Trade" part is gone, and there's only silence in its place. Biggie, of course, was talking about the first World Trade Center bombing, the one that took place not long before he recorded the song, and it must've sounded pretty goddam insensitive then. Jay probably took it out because Jay is a political man and he knew it'd sound even more insensitive in 2002. But the effect is even more powerfully mournful; on a song that's already sad and contemplative, it's a reminder of a greater sadness lurking outside the song's scope. Those words are ghosts."

Keep writing dude, you controversial folk. Yes, folk.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 8:04AM
Daniel! says:

Not to sound hyperbolic, but I think your "Music and September 11" post five years on from the attacks was a really beautiful piece of writing. Especially like this part about "A Dream" by Jay-Z:

"Biggie's voice comes in, and it's doing the first verse from "Juicy," the one we all know word for word. Except there's one slight change, and it's on the part where Biggie says "time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade"; the "World Trade" part is gone, and there's only silence in its place. Biggie, of course, was talking about the first World Trade Center bombing, the one that took place not long before he recorded the song, and it must've sounded pretty goddam insensitive then. Jay probably took it out because Jay is a political man and he knew it'd sound even more insensitive in 2002. But the effect is even more powerfully mournful; on a song that's already sad and contemplative, it's a reminder of a greater sadness lurking outside the song's scope. Those words are ghosts."

Keep writing dude, you controversial folk. Yes, folk.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 8:05AM
HB says:

Damn, you can't just go out like that! Reading this blog was a daily routine for me, so at least tell everybody what's next! Where are you heading to, Tom? Shit.. I miss it already... Good luck though. Keep it up.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 10:14AM
Anonymous says:

yea bro, this blog is like taking a s.h.i.t. for me. It's something I do every day at a certain time. you can't leave!

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 10:59AM
S says:

Good luck wherever you end up. This column has been a must-read for me for a while now, and I'm sorry to think it may be ending.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 12:53PM
Ben says:

This is a shame. As others have said, I went to your page every day and really enjoyed it. My personal fav of your entries was the great entry you did on Rancid's new york show. Your high school memories of Rancid/Op Ivy is something I really related to since I was in the exact same phase. Also really enjoyed your piece on Tim Armstrong's solo album for similar reasons.

Good luck with your future endeavors. I hope it isn't long before we find out what is next.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 8:03PM
tilla says:

since we're all dropping eulogies for ya, i guess i'll throw some love up in there: your writing is straight bananas, probably only matched by the breadth of your tastes. like seriously, are you one of those neurotics that edits obsessively before you post, or do you just knock it out stream-of-consciousness style? always wondered about that...anyways, i'm guessing you're off to rolling stone, vanity fair, or whatever qualifies as greener pastures in the music journalist biz. good luck with the new jawn, and props on manipulating your readers with this "it's coming to an end but i ain't giving details" tease. clever.

Posted On: Saturday, Jun. 28 2008 @ 11:42PM
Kerda says:

So, was the split amicable? Planned out? Or did they just come to you a week ago and say "Bounce, nucca"?

Or, excuse me: "Bounce, ninja".

Anyway, I legitimately will miss your daily blogs here at the Voice. I think I've been reading your stuff just about since you began a few years back. At first, I really couldn't stand you. It seemed as though you represented everything I despised about both blogs and rock criticism in general: hyperbolic, manipulative headlines, the need to callously tear down the paragons of the past, just to say "This ain't your daddy's criticism", the obnoxious Pitchforkian logorrhea.

However, over time, it seems as though you really found your critical voice, and you became a writer whose work I not only enjoyed reading, but also respected. There aren't many writers who are willing to approach pop music with such an earnest and unapologetic lack of pretension. You always seem willing to judge music on it's own merits, without an underlying agenda or the need to score "scene points" with the hipster bloggerati. You're artfully blunt, stylishly unbiased.

Plus, I simply enjoy the fact that you take time and thought in crafting your words. That's not to say that I don't shake my head when you write a 3000 word essay deifying a Young Jeezy song, but what you write is always honest to your own bizarre, oft-engaging, other times mystifying view of popular music.

So, as others have said, this is hopefully a sign of you moving on to bigger and better things, but whatever the situation may be, I wish you luck.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 12:33AM
Benjamin says:

Hi Tom,

Thanks a lot for the sheer quality of the writing, you'll be missed indeed. It's weird that both my favorite bloggers are moving on to other things these days... very weird... Best of luck anyway.

Peace

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 6:43AM
Mike says:

Tom,

I've been following Status Ain't Hood off and on for little over a year now, and it is by far one of the best music blogs on the net. Thank you for all of the great posts and insight, and make sure to let us know what you'll be up to next.

Best wishes,
Mike

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 9:06AM
bkudler says:

Ohhh man, this is weird, but this post totally had me remincin'. I remember reading almost all of these posts, totally weird to think how long it's been. Loved all those posts, keep it coming.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 11:18AM
Anonymous says:

tom bryan,

the internet needs you. seriously. you are the one true master.

a fan.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 6:12PM
Laura says:

Google led me to your post about Bloc Party's "I Still Remember", which expressed almost exactly how I felt about their music. And I just continued reading. Thanks for all the great stuff you've written.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 9:13PM
Anonymous says:

Holy shit. I am gonna miss this blog, Tom. It's the first thing I click on when I open my browser. Much love.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 9:21PM
ST says:

Hey Tom,

just one of many who read your blog daily.
i found myself reading your posts about musicians i didn't really care for, and often checking out stuff that you would casually mention.

i hope wherever you're moving to, your prolificness won't be stiffled. the only shitty thing about weekends used to be the lack of a SAH post.

all the best,
ST.

Posted On: Sunday, Jun. 29 2008 @ 9:45PM
Dan Weiss says:

oh fuck.

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 2:59AM
White Dragon says:

Nice that everyone is jockin' Toms' nutz, but a little explanation would be nice. If you got fired or some sheet, maybe you could phrase it a different way.
Otherwise, what you should have done is explain what's up and then close the comments section.

Oh I know.... American Idol is over.

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 3:38AM
Trey Stone says:

Combat Jack "ethered" Breihan?

i mean maybe in the real hip-hop corner of the Internet (ie, pretty much all blogs except this one) that's completely detached from reality. otherwise, no.

while we're on the subject, Jay-Z won. believe it

but yeah...later? thought you had certain out-there opinions but you justified them way better than said canon dogmatists

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 4:30AM
Seth says:

I say this bit as a dude who routinely spit out his morning coffee while working through Breihan's sallies. Combat Jack's post was pretty stupid, even by the standards of the internet. A classic gatekeeper screed beefed up by nonsequitur references to his dubious industry bona fides, some silly ad hominem, and a demonstration that even people who are in "the business" buy into its ridiculous coupling of consumer demography to the production of authenticity. Combat Jack is a certified moron, his rant irrelevant and juvenile.

I have been a big Breihan haterfan for going on three years now, and I've got to say I'll look forward to shaking my head in disgust when he's writing for Rolling Stone or NYT, where he's almost certainly been hired. I may disagree with most things Mr. Breihan says, but I have a lot of fun disagreeing with them.

Brandon Soderberg'll pick up the slack until then. Although I disagree with him far less often.

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 4:46AM
Jayson Greene says:

Yeah, this was always a hugely entertaining read. I was unfailingly surprised at how much shit such an affable-seeming dude was able to stir up just by shooting from the hip, albeit with some of the most obviously-unedited prose in the history of the Internets. I kid sometimes, and even make fun occasionally, but I've been reading this blog, or at least checking it, pretty much every day. So, yea, I'm actually fairly bummed about this. Good luck with the next step.

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 10:14AM
roforofo says:

Breihan,

Thanks for the respect that you show hip hop as a genre with each fully-coceived and articlulate post. You and a few others (SF-J, Soderberg, etc) have consistently avoided the rockism, tokenism, and minstrelsy rife on most blogs. Congrats on whatever you are doing next and let the comment section know where we can find you.

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 10:45AM
Bridget says:

Dammit, I was just going to show you this...

http://www.beaucoupkevin.com/blog/im-not-having-hip-hop-at-glastonbury-its-wrong/2008/06/29/

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 11:13AM
Matt says:

"if the voice fired you, then fuck the voice."

Posted On: Monday, Jun. 30 2008 @ 1:05PM
White Dragon says:

Yo, I just read the Ghostface interview, man, no wonder he cut out, Tom was just asking Wu questions. I'm sure they are sick of being asked about the Wu and whether or not they are going to get back together. Also, I'm sick of reading answers by them on the subject, the situation is what it is.

It would have been cool if you managed to ask him about the "backpack producers" and sheet like that...
Well, at least you got him to talk about Supreme.

Posted On: Tuesday, Jul. 1 2008 @ 1:43AM

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