Eye's TV Weak in Review

Clockwise from top left:

The L Word: Season premiere. Shane snorts up a tub of coke in celebration.

The Apprentice LA: Season premiere. The losers have to live in a tent in the backyard of the winners' mansion. Reaching new levels of obnoxiousness, the website refers to the teams as "The Haves" and "The Have-Nots."

I Love New York: New York let most of her suitors pick their own names, with a few exceptions.

Gay, Straight or Taken?: The show that trumps stereotypes! Speedo Boy here was the straight red herring.

Clockwise from top left:

Really Big Things: The new Discovery Channel show about . . . you guessed it. For kids who preferred Duplos over Legos.

The Sopranos: Debuts on A&E with a little "editing." If you squint, that dark shadow in the back is tits.

Bush Addresses the Nation: Send more troops, with an apology in there somewhere. The "Author of Liberty" was a nice touch.

Armed and Famous: "I think the scariest thing I have ever seen is La Toya loading a Glock 40 six feet away from me."—Jack Osbourne